I was sexually abused from the ages of 7-20. I had a daughter as a result. I met a man online and married him to get away from that hell. I then met another man and fell deeply in love with him, keeping it from my husband. Then that man killed himself because I couldn't find the courage to leave my husband for him. I haven't told anyone any of this. I feel overwhelmed. I am grieving for a life lost..both his and mine. My one chance to be happy...gone..and its my fault.
2007-09-27 11:07:59 · 10 answers · asked by +VeryFemale+ 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Hi Very female,
My prayers and blessings are with you. There are people in worse situations than you. Imagine having a child for a man other than your husband, telling him that it's his and telling the child that her husband is the father. Then after the husband's death the mother takes the child then very much an adult to meet her 'real' father and the step-children of her 'real' father?
Sometimes things are just a mess, and we need help to set them straight or improve the situation as best we can. I empathize with your problem. Former talk show host Sally Jesse Raphael may however have a different point or view - 'straighten up and fly right' no excuses accepted. Life is hard, just accept it and get on with your life. People are often unfair, get over it. Life's too short to cry over spilt milk. It's all about the survival of the fittest, if you're not strong you won't survive.
Who's right ? Actually both points of view. If you feel you need professional help get it, if you're stressing and can't uncomplicate things or are constantly feeling guilty talk things through with a professional therapist or psychologist. Find one you're comfortable with if it's feasible to do so. If not talk to a minister or some close confidant if you have one. It may take some time to heal and get past the 'skars'
caused by the abuse. But people do recover and I'm sure you're one of them who will.
Best of luck and regards
In Christ's love,
Barry H
2007-09-27 11:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault that he killed himself. He probably would have done it even if you had married him. He needed psychological help. If he really loved you and cared about you...he wouldn't have put you thru this pain and agony. You can't carry this kind of guilt. Just believe that God knows what he was like..probably mentally ill and will consider that. Ask God to comfort you and take away this guilt and agony and grief. I wouldn't think that your first marriage was very legitimate if you only married him to escape the torture you were going thru. Does he know this? At least find somebody you can tell all this to who will advise you. Somebody you KNOW you can trust. So sorry for all you've been thru.
2007-09-27 18:21:07 · answer #2 · answered by Deenie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the others have said, seek professional help.
Regarding your comment: Then that man killed himself because I couldn't find the courage to leave my husband for him.
Regardless of the morality of the issue, realize that you are not to blame for him killing himself. No one kills themselves due to rejection. While the notion may sound twisted-ly romantic, it is unreal notion. His problems ran much, much, much deeper than he let on to you. I doubt his fate would have changed much if you left your husband for him. He had an entire set of problems himself.
But, seek help. Moreover, you are not being realistic thinking that it was your one and only chance to be happy. Running from one person to anther rarely solves anything. Your happiness must come from within yourself, it is not something one can give you.
2007-09-27 18:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by Gin Martini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need some good support of someone you will trust with all this. God you've been through a lot. I don't think this will convince you but it's not your fault. You've been dealt a bad hand. Please seek someone to help you or as you say you could be just waiting to go off. A burden like your carrying would weigh anyone down and a body can only carry x amount of weight, you could have exceed yours!
2007-09-27 18:20:00 · answer #4 · answered by Eye see! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not your fault that he committed suicide. He did so because he was already predisposed to behave in such a self destructive and drastic fashion. He was likely mentally unstable. However, it seems as though you have some unresolved issues that only a professional can help you with. I wish you the best and I hope you find peace soon.
2007-09-27 18:21:44 · answer #5 · answered by Sands 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know sometimes things happen and the best thing to do is to overcome and learn from what it has taught us. its ok man people sometimes stumble be the best person and stand tall.
things will get better just have the ability to overcome
you have it just find it. : )
2007-09-27 18:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by Zeke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg, so i'm so sorry &&don't tell me i shouldn't feel bad. You should rely on your feelings sometimes even though your mind dosn't think it's the right thing. I think you should see a mental health theropist[: take careâ¥
2007-09-27 18:25:20 · answer #7 · answered by ♥ea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unusual situation. you should seek out a pro to help you sort through al of this. btw- that guys suicide was not your fault and if he left a note saying that it was, he was one sick puppy.
2007-09-27 18:13:15 · answer #8 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are one messed up girl. You need to get into therapy just a quickly as you can.
2007-09-27 18:11:16 · answer #9 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
God forgives you if you ask.
2007-09-27 18:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by theroadwetake 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋