How do you tell an adult that you think they may have Asperger's syndrome?

Question

My husband and I highly suspect that my mother in law has Asperger's syndrome. She was diagnosed with ADD as a child. She may really have ADD but she also shows several symptoms of AS too. Over the last 6 years I have observed her say and do many things that are socially rude, hurtful and judgmental. Because of this she has no close friends, strained friendships with myself, her coworkers and family members. She doesn't look at you when you are talking to her, she does HOURS of book and online research about specific topics, she gets very anxious when routines change, she doen't understand when people are losing intrest in what she is talking about. After she hurts/bothers/offends people she becomes very depressed and then the anxiety/depression cycle begins again. We love her and want to help her in any way we can but we don't know how to approach this subject with her. Any ideas would help. We don't want to embarrass or hurt her, we are just concerned! Thanks!

Answer 1

Do you think you can change her? You can't. I wouldn't tell her because it wouldn't serve any purpose. I work with middle school special education students, some of whom have Asperger's, and you will do no good to tell her. Your best bet is to learn to deal with her the way she is.

Answer 2

Strangely enough I have a friend who's son was diagnosed with ADHD for many years (of Ritalin and disruptive behaviors) and only now has been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome instead.
He too has had social problems, obsessions about routines, fear of changes, and poor social skills. He was bright, just socially inept. Now we hope with a proper diagnoses he might fair better in the world.
As to how you approach an adult with possibly the same problem, perhaps the first step would be to ask her if its worthwhile getting a review of her condition from her medical practitioner, who can refer her to a specialist, and asking him if this might be a possibility. But be aware if she's already frightened of change she may not take to your suggestion very well. Even a well centered adult isn't going to like being told those things you say here.

Answer 3

It is really hard to break the news to most people about AS. From what I have read, one typical characteristic is that "in their mind" they need to be right (correct) and from my experience, there is frequently a very high level of denial with some or perhaps many people with Aspergers. When I was pregnant with my son, my in-laws mentioned that my father-in-law probably has Aspergers. Since that "brief" mention, they have not wanted to discuss the issue, get an official dx, and they are completely oblivious to the fact that their son, (my husband) very likely has Asperers Syndrome too. My husband grew up with Aspies (his parents) so in his mind, Aspie traits are "normal" so while he will acknowledge that he has the traits, (it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck) as long as he doesn't have an official dx, he is claiming that he probably doesn't have it....

I am part of a support group for people in relationships with AS individuals (Yahoo group - AspergersAndOtherHalf http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AspergersAndOtherHalf/) and we all seem to experience the "denial" from our partners.

So I guess one question to ask is where is she on the spectrum. The more "high-functioning" she is, the more likely she may be able to understand about AS, and may try to learn how to mask her symptoms. Through Cognitive Behavior therapy she may be able to learn to change things --- but only if SHE wants to.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I would just not even tell her. Treat her as if she does for 6 months or so and if it gets better than approch it. The bad thing about Aspergers is that the treatment is basically on the caregivers. You said she was diagnosed w/add as a child and that is amazing because of her age. It wasn't as common back then.
good luck!

Answer 5

hi. As an appreciator of AS persons, i choose to congratulate you (while you're). it form of feels your question is whether or no longer you rather need to appreciate or no longer. it rather is great you have a therapist who's tuned in to this form of severe functioning autism. yet you will probable locate your confirmation in basic terms by way of your man or woman learn; finally prognosis is an opinion, as there is not any definitive try or measurable actual ingredient. besides the shown fact that, somewhat some counsel is offered by way of Google or by way of your in demand seek engine. by way of analyzing approximately it you are able to the two self detect or come to a decision the descriptors do no longer prepare to you. in case you do come to a decision which you're in actuality Aspie, you're able to % whether or to no longer placed on the label. you have carried out positive without it, and a label ought to be unecessary. At this factor this is almost self understanding and confirmation. listed under are 2 costs and their bibliographical reference numbers approximately self prognosis. the two are from my modern-day e book, "Wait, What Do You mean?": flamingshorts: “for the reason that self-diagnosing Asperger’s I haven’t had melancholy, I’ve had wish. Frustration too, yet wish.”31 Aysmptotes: “i found out that I had AS by way of a Youtube video while i became nineteen. After that . . . I study somewhat some issues on AS, some books and articles. in the commencing up it style of floored me and that i felt this super alleviation that all of it wasn’t my fault and that it is purely how i'm.”32 there are various adults in the present day who had no prognosis turning out to be up, because it been interior the diagnostic manuals interior the U. S. in basic terms for the reason that 1994 and information is turning out to be, yet slowly. At any value, I choose you fulfillment in looking solutions which will settle you.

Answer 6

Make an appointment with her same doctor, and tell her he wants to re evaluate her condition. When you make the appointment, tell him your concerns. You are not lying to her, you just aren't telling her what you suspect.