For those who disagree with many adoptions, how do you help the situation?

Question

Many people on here have expressed the opinion that many infant adoptions would not have to take place if there was more help for expectant mothers. I'm wondering if any of you personally help to financially and emotionally support mothers in crisis, give them a place to stay, babysit, provide baby furniture, diapers, ect. especially after they have decided to parrent the child. If you do then that's wonderful, I'm not asking this to be rude, but to see if those who see a problem with adoption are working to help solve it.

Also, for those who've suggested that international adoptive parent use the money to sponsor a family or donate it to an orphanage rather then adopt, Would you honestly take out a loan for $20,000- 30,000 yourself and do this? do you plan to?Do you think it would really allow these children to have a better life then if they were adopted?

Answer 1

Yes, I will be sponsoring families myself at one point in my life ( most likely when I'm around 45 and my children are grown and have moved out )and yes I do believe that supporting a family in their own country like peru, guatemala, ecuador would be far better for them. I've been there, and backpacked for over 3 months. I traveled the land by bus and taxi, hiked a great deal and stayed in the hostiles. I hung out with the locals and learned alot about their countries, poverty, life, families.

Before I had children, Myself and a couple others did run a parenting donations site, completely volunteer work. I called and found motherhood maternity clothing stores that would give us their returns that were out of season or had minor blemishes. They would give us these items for free, and I recieved an overwhelming supply of baby items from baby stores, it was mostly all new, clothing, toys, furniture donated from people practically new.

So, we would find mothers who were looking into adoption, but expressed a desire to parent, just didn't think they could, and we would provide everything they needed for the first year or so, even beyond. I sewed cloth diapers that I would include in the packages, we encouraged breast feeding, and co-sleeping which is great for mother/child bonding and development in babies it also reduces the costs of a newborn considerably.

Then I had my two daughters and for the past 3 years I have been entirely focused on them. I am just getting back into the adoption communities in the past 6 months, and it feels good.

I'm now focused on legislative issues and I only have so much time, I'm currently organizing a Day For Adoptee Rights a protest at the annual state legislatures convention ( the people who have the power to open our records.) on July 22, 2008 Tuesday in New Orleans, LA held in Lafayette Park. To read more about it or sign up go here ( because I know everyone on yahoo ?'s is just DYING to help adoptees achieve equality : http://www.AdopteeRights.net

but to answer your question.
Yes and Yes - only i wouldnt be taking out a loan just to sponsor a family, i'll be taking out a loan to start a family sponsorship program so MANY families can stay together :)

A family should never be separated because they live in poverty. Money doesn't make someone a good or bad parent.

Answer 2

It depends on a lot of things. Adoption isn't for everyone. You need to ask if you want an open adoption (where there is contact with the birth parent/s) or not. I worked with children in foster care for 5 years and learned a lot about adoption. There were many times that we just weren't able to get a clear history from the parents, which can have huge implications down the line. For example, we might strongly suspect the mother used drugs/alcohol while pregnant, but for various reasons she doesn't admit it. It is impossible to tell how that will affect that particular child. So if there isn't a complete history, are you prepared for any difficulties that might come up later in life? I'm not sure where you live, but you may need to be prepared to wait a significant time as well, especially if you want an infant. If you consider adopting from another country, there are a whole list of other things to consider as well (ex. keeping the child connected to his/her culture, etc.). It's definitely an important decision that requires you to ask yourself a lot of questions.

Answer 3

Many children are never adopted, but spend their lives in foster homes. Sometimes they spend their lives in many, many different foster homes.

This is why I believe in birth control. If that fails, I do think expectant mothers need help, medical help, financial help, and assistance in raising the child. This is why programs like Head Start were successful. Unfortunately, this program has been slashed to the bone, along with other programs that have disappeared during the past five or six years.

I don't think these programs and agencies should have to depend upon individual donations, because they are frequently few and far between. This is proven by the struggles of United Way, the Salvation Army and Lighthouse in today's Republican world. Our tax money might better be put to use with programs to help young mothers as to end up in the pockets of Halliburton or some other corrupt company.

Could I take out a loan for the money to help adoptions. I raised five children of my own and one grandson, and I don't think any bank would consider me a good risk. But if I won the lottery, you bet! I would consider it money well spent.

At the moment, more adoptions are taking place in foreign lands than in our own country. That is because an infant is desired. Few people want the troubled, hard-to-handle, bereft and neglected older children.

I think education on birth control should start at a young age and be emphasized in schools, churches and at home. Pregnancy is not a picnic, and the duties of raising a child are sometimes difficult for young people to follow. We have medically safe ways to avoid pregnancy now and every person should have knowledge of them. The fewer children sitting in orphanages, the better!

Answer 4

Firstly - and thankfully - infant adoption numbers are phenomenally lower in Australia than in the USA - mainly because family preservation is paramount in OZ.

(total adoption figures - we are talking less than 500 adoptions in total per year in Australia - compared to over 100,000 in the US -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoption
- quite shocking really - the number difference.......)

I have helped and supported many mothers and adoptees through real-life support groups.

I have assisted some here in Australia in their searches for their separated families.

I personally support two women to parent their children - as single mothers - along with other friends of mine - and they are both the most wonderful mothers.

I support my niece (who is currently studying medicine), who pays yearly visits to an orphanage in Nepal - with raising funds and supplies - all helping to make their lives a little better.

I wish to care for local foster children in the future - as there is a huge need for this even in Australia. I will always try my utmost to support family ties if that is allowed - as that is very important for all children.

I will not foster children until my young family is much older.
Broken children from broken homes need all the support and love that they can get. I want to make sure that I can give my full attention and care for them when that happens.

Currently - I have 3 young children of my own - I'm studying full-time (teaching degree) - I volunteer my time at my children's school and preschool - and I'm active in the online adoptee community. I give daily support to those that have suffered greatly from being adopted - lent them a cyber shoulder to cry on - showed them empathy and care when mostly others tell them to 'get over it - you're lucky you weren't aborted' etc.

Every person can help just a little.
Then that little can turn into a lot - the more people that help.

Answer 5

In Canada (where I live) there is alot of help for young mothers who want to keep their babies (and the over 10 year waiting list to adopt an infant would indicate that alot of those programs are working and young women are keeping their babies). BUT, I sometimes wonder if we are doing the right thing. While a young woman can biologically become a mother, is she emotionally, socially (etc) ready to be one? There is a big difference between being able to have a child and being able to be a mother. I listen to these young women complain about their pregnancies and think to myself "but this is the easiest part of being a parent.. wait until there is a living, breathing human who is completely reliant on you for everything" While social agencies can provide the environment (cribs, diapers, an apartment, even money) and they can educate these to-be moms, the actual experience is a whole lot different. Sort of like reading a book about skydiving as compared to actually doing it..lol
I cannot imagine anyone taking out a huge loan and handing it over to a foreign orphanage, and even if they did, most of these places are full of corruption, administrative greed and you cannot be guaranteed that your money will ever be seen by the children you are trying to help. Since these places are usually run by the governments of the country they are in, and every government is different, you would have no idea where your money would really end up.

Answer 6

My husband and I support a residence for mothers (and fathers) and their children who want to parent their children. We donate $$ and help to organize fund raisers. The residence offers health care, GED, college tuition, child care, parenting classes, housing, job training, and a community of loving and supportive people who respect the basic human right to love and care for offspring irrespective of income. The residence provides apartments, baby furniture, child care, diapers, etc. The board of directors has mandated that adoption is to be pursued as a last resort to provide for a child because their clients (usually economically deprived women) have expressed passionate feelings about not wanting to give their children away to strangers.

Answer 7

Yes, I have sent baby clothes to women who become unexpectedly pregnant.

No, I haven't given anyone a place to stay because that has not been an issue with any of the women I've communicated with and I've never found one in my area that needed that.

You are, of course, assuming that the sole motivator for most of these women considering adoption is not having enough resources to provide for the baby. But what I usually find is that the women DO have enough resources, they've just fallen for the idea that their babies need two-parent homes, Disney vacations, private schools, etc. So most of the women I know who were leaning towards adoption and then chose to parent didn't need one darn material thing... they just needed encouragement and some perspective.

Besides talking to women pre-birth, I write my legislators asking them to vote certain ways on adoption-related bills; I vote for candidates that do not push adoption as a solution to abortion; I write the media; I have taken info on the "other side" of adoption to the agency I placed through (I do not think they use it, though); I have offered myself as a resource to our local newspaper; and I talk, talk, talk to potential adoptive parents to help them understand the ethical issues in domestic infant adoption, in the hope that some of them will refuse unethical matches.

So yes, I am doing things. This is not just a soapbox issue, this is not just something to argue about, this is something I feel passionately about, and it has helped my own recovery AND other moms, becoming an advocate.

Answer 8

Yes I would donate the money in order to help poverty stricken families to stay together before I would ever take a child. Absolutely yes

Answer 9

I would be happy to help a mother trying to keep her child.

How do I help? I am an adult adoptee TRYING to help little adoptees by educating their thick-skulled adopters. And encourage prospective adoptive parents to try and understand that adoption may seem to temporarily 'solve' the adopters issues (infertility anguish) but really just causes more pain for everyone involved.

Natural mothers are usually devastated. I believe with every fiber of my being that adoptees have acute emotional pain. If I could convince on AP to acknowledge the losses and grief that their child experiences, or convince one PAP to maybe not grease the wheels of the multi-billion dollar adoption machine by adopting a child, and creating a demand for children, I would feel like my agony was not for naught.

Answer 10

My son's b-mom had a HUGE trust fund, so it wasn't financialy driven. When I found out that she was again pregnant, YEAH I did everything I could to support her to parent this (healthy) baby.

You can only do so much to support someone. If they aren't ready to change their lives then what do you do then. Money only lasts so long. Besides with all of the assistance out there a mother without any financial means can get MORE than $50,000 worth of benefits (medicaid, WIC AFDC yada,yada,yada)

When I was pregnant with my daughter my husband lost his job and insurance. I ended up $150,000 in debt. NEVER for a second was I going to let MONEY get in they way of my parenting. I knew that in this country that there are way to many options to help people who are financialy ruined (bankruptcy, government aide) THERE'S ALWAYS A WAY.

Some mothers truely WANT to place their children and stand by their decision. If I did something every time someone told I should then I would be a miserable person. I call the shots when it comes to my kids.