Having a hard time dealing with stepson?

Question

I have a 3 year old stepson, that I love to pieces and sometimes he can be just the greatest boy on earth but other times he will act like a such a spoiled brat. (and I say ACT because I would never say he was a spoiled brat, he just acts like one sometimes) And I know this is completey normal for a 3 year old.The problem is, is that his dad has no clue how to deal with it. And I can’t do anything because discipline is not my territory. The boy has already learned that screaming and crying gets his way and his dad’s excuse for always giving in is “I don’t like to see him sad”. First of all hes not sad, hes mad because he’s not getting his way. I say let him throw his fit and leave him alone, he will be okay and forget all about in 20 minutes. Daddy can’t, won’t do this. He always just does whatever baby wants and gives him whatever wants or rewards him with something after hes thrown a fit, just to make him happy.

. For Example: This morning we are all rushing around the house, trying to get ready and off to work and daycare I walk into baby's room because he was calling me and I walk into this huge mess of toys… hes drug out almost all of toys and strewn them across his bedroom, you can't even walk through. His room was perfect this morning before I got in the shower. (worst part is Daddy helped him drag out all his toys and didn't pick them up) So I say we need to pick up these toys we are getting ready to leave. Baby says, "my daddy said I could have them out" I say again” we are getting ready to leave we need to pick them up” (now baby never, ever picks up his toys and I mean ever, getting him to do so is like trying to pull teeth, he just won't do it. So I have just become accustomed to trailing behind him picking up toy after toy or it would never get done) So I pick up all the toys and put them away, I walk out of the room.

about 2 minutes later He starts just screaming, I go running in there and he throws himself on his bed and continues to scream and cry. Daddy comes running in to and says 'whats wrong with him" I say "he's mad because I picked up his toys" and his daddy says to him "it's okay, Its okay, We'll get you some doughnuts on the way to daycare" That doesn't make him happy, so he continues to scream and cry. I walk away and Daddy still trys to bribe and console him until baby says "leave me alone" Finally daddy leaves only because he has to or he'll be late for work. I say bye to baby and he says "leave me alone" and daddy rewards him with doughnuts and tells him what a good boy he is…wtf????

Its getting worse and worse though, Baby thinks he can tell us what to do and I don't listen to him when he does that I just walk away, but daddy caters to whatever he says.

Now the reason I have a problem with all this is because the way he raised now is going to affect all of us for the rest of our lives. And if it continues this way, we are all in for a very bumpy ride the rest of our lives. How and what do I say to Daddy without offending him or the baby?

I talked to Daddy about the fit this morning and I guess, he didn’t get him doughnuts, he got him McDonald’s instead. I told him, your just rewarding him for the way he was acting this morning. And he says “ I didn’t know what to do, I just felt bad for him” I said “you felt bad for him because he was mad” and he said… Well, I just didn’t know what to do. I just left it alone and didn't say anything else because I didn't want to get into this thing about how he’s not my kid and it’s not my place to discipline or criticize the way he’s disciplined. But what’s not fair to me is Daddy wants me to treat baby like my own and the only time I'm really allowed to do that is when it comes to the cooking and cleaning and babysitting of the baby. That’s when I am allowed to act like a parent. When it’s convenient for daddy.

Answer 1

You are going to have to have a looong talk with Daddy. Do your best to explain to him the consequences of his actions. He is setting the two of you up to have to deal with a spoiled, bratty, screaming, temper-tantrum throwing, nobody-wants-to-be-around kid. The baby is just doing what works best for him! Kids are super smart, and he is getting everything that he wants right now. Absolutely no consequences to his actions, and Daddy caters to his every whim. Try to remind Daddy that his job is to help raise a responsible, respectful, kind human being. If our only job was to make them happy, it would be so much easier! I hope the best for you and your family...Good Luck!

Answer 2

If you are his REAL stepmom (meaning you are legally married to his father), then I think you should have a say in how he is raised while he is with you. Is Mom in the picture? If so, she and Dad are obviously the ones really responsible for their son. Still, you should be allowed to have some input when it comes to how Junior behaves in your house.
Why does Dad worry so much about upsetting Junior? Is Dad just a bit of a pushover (he certainly wouldn't be the first dad to fall into that category), or is there another underlying reason? For instance, did things end badly with Mom, is mom deceased, etc?
Either way, Dad needs to know that by spoiling Junior, he is only hurting him. A boy that age is definitely old enough to pick up his toys. Buying him donuts/McDonald's after having a tantrum and telling you he hates you is unacceptable. Sit down calmly with Dad when Junior is not around, and explain to him without attacking or blaming him that Junior needs to learn that his actions have consequences. If the problem isn't nipped in the bud now, it will only get worse as Junior gets older.

Answer 3

Well initially the mum appears to be placing him within the core of the legalities and that are meant to be stopped. Seems just like the boy demands alittle little bit of counseling might be by way of himself and as a household. Some youngsters take separation tougher than others and simply cannot look to regulate to dad no longer being there and having a complete different household and also you in no way will also be certain if his mother has placed matters in his head or makes him believe unhealthy while he comes again i might say he want counseling he demands to speak approximately how he feels along with his predicament and why he feels that approach it might be extra more healthy for him and the household then might be every1 can begin new relationships with every different and every1 will know the way so much they're real cherished.Good Luck :)

Answer 4

As they said tell him exactly what you said here. And you may well get the not your child response. BUT you are living with them, and I am assuming this will continue to be the case so you will have to find a resolution that suits everyone, or how to deal with the baby will be the least of your concerns, you know? Good luck its a tough place to be in. I was there 7 years ago with my husbands son and 7 years later it is STILL a big problem. My step son is now 13 and knows just who he can go to to get his way(dad) ouch.

Answer 5

Just tell him exactly like you have told us here. You have painted a picture that you love your stepson, that you aren't out here attacking his father or anything like that and that's great!

Tell him that you understand he doesn't want to see him said, but giving into tantrums just leads to ...well more tantrums. Make sure he understands you are understanding of why he does it, but let him know that it's not helping how his son is growing.

Answer 6

Tell what told here. People would like to hear thing saying from your heart.