My ex and I married in the Catholic Church-I'm Catholic, he was not. We went to a Catholic retreat so he would be "prepared" to marry in the Catholic Church. We were both way too young and we both were unfaithful. We decided to get divorced and then I got pregnant by someone else. I remarried through a Justice of Peace but I want to get remarried in the Catholic Church eventually. He's not Catholic either, but he's trying to convert over. A nun at our Church told him he couldn't become Catholic (get confirmed) until my marriage was anulled, is that right? Also, how do I have my baby baptized if the anullment is not final by then?
2007-09-27 09:15:44 · 9 answers · asked by KC D 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
First of all, you can have you baby baptized whenever you complete the class or counseling session offered by your parish to parents who want their babies baptized. As long as you (as a Catholic person) are willing to raise your child Catholic it doesn't matter what sins you or the baby's father may or may not have committed -- none of that is held against your child.
Second of all, your current husband CAN take instructions to become a Catholic, attend Mass, sing in the choir if he wants to or whatever beginning NOW, regardless of your marriage situation. He cannot receive the Sacraments (including confirmation) just yet, so Sister was right on that score, but he can definitely get things started. No need to wait.
Now, regarding your marriage situation. You have to have the first marriage annulled in order to have your current marriage "blessed" and recognized by the Church. Since you had a Catholic wedding *and* proper preparation for a Catholic wedding, this could be a rather long and complicated process, and there is a chance that you won't succeed. You will have to present proof that the vows you and your first husband took were invalid at the time of your wedding. Sinning against the vows later doesn't undo the vows, so the previous advise about saying "We were unfaithful" isn't going to cut it, UNLESS either you or your ex were already in the adulterous relationship OR either you or your ex never intended to be faithful to the marriage or something like that.
It is true, as somebody said above, that being very young is often found to be cause, but by this they mean young in both age and maturity and spiritual development, not just young in maturity. (I know it sounds weird, but some people have told me they were "too young" to get married and they were like 28 or 29 at the time of the wedding -- that's hardly too young!) You have to be able to prove that by being "too young" you were actually incapable of taking a true vow. Sometimes when marriages fall apart in the matter of months, they take that as evidence that the couple was not prepared to take vows.
The annulment process can take quite some time. You'll have to file some paperwork, and they'll seek out your ex as well (they can do that for you if there is some reason why it's not wise for you to contact him). In some dioceses, there is a HUGE backlog, so you need to get on this ASAP. Make an appointment with your parish priest to discuss how you get started.
There is the possibility of both you and your husband returning to full communion BEFORE the annulment is complete. If your parish priest thinks you have a good chance at getting a decree of nullity for your first marriage, you and your current husband can enter a time of temporary celibacy until the annulment comes through, and then you can have your marriage blessed and take up where you left off. While this can be a difficult exhibition in self-control, it can also be a great time of personal growth and spiritual renewal for both spouses if you do it under the guidance of a wise priest. If you choose to do this, your current husband can become Catholic whenever he completes RCIA.
The system of celibacy can also work if you do not get your annulment. This would, of course, be a great sacrifice, but some couples have found the Catholic faith to be of much greater significance than sexual relations and they have made it work. Hopefully, this will not be the case for you and things will work out the way you want them to.
Hope this helps -- and remember, you can have your baby baptized as soon as it's convenient, so do that for sure!
Blessings to you & yours...
2007-09-27 10:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by sparki777 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm pretty sure the nun is right. The Catholic church doesn't allow non catholics to participate in any rite.
You have to get your justice of the peace marriage annulled so your husband can go through the confirmation, and become a member of the church...even then, I don't know that the priest will marry you two if you've been married before. some will, some wont.
My friend wanted me to be the god mother of her children, but since I am not catholic, and not confirmed catholic, they wouldn't allow it...well, she eventually converted
2007-09-27 16:32:48 · answer #2 · answered by ♫O Praise Him♫ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will have to convince a canon lawyer that your original marriage was invalid due to lack of sincere commitment on the part of you or your ex. Be prepared to wait for a while. It goes through the Vatican and they aren't as cooperative as they were in the 70s. (Perhaps your ex's non-Catholicity will help.) You may have to postpone the wedding, and the baptism. Technically, you and your husband are committing adultery, so the sacramental process is stuck until you get that cleared up. Contact a pastor and get the process started. And be patient. Bereaucracy is the Catholic Church's middle name.
2007-09-27 16:48:20 · answer #3 · answered by skepsis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Nun is right. You are living in sin - according to the Catholic church. You are still married to your first husband - and your new husband is "coveting his neighbors wife" - if you will.
Maybe you have changed a lot just recently - and it is very important for you to be Catholic now - I don't know. But looking at your past - you didn't follow the rules of the church.
If you had children from your first marriage - and you get your marriage annulled - that will make those children "bastards" in the eyes of the church.
It's not easy to get a marriage annulled. Talk to the same Nun who told your husband that it needs to happen. Maybe she can guide you. Sadly - I've heard - that very often it can happen if you donate money to the church.
And this is just my opinion - but - it seems odd that you would want to belong to a religion that doesn't want you as you are.
Namaste!!
2007-09-27 16:25:02 · answer #4 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW, you need to talk someone in your parish and keep asking questions until you get the person with answers. Do NOT accept answers that you do NOT understand. Make them be specific about what is needed.
You should be able to get an annulment based on "immaturity." But, each case is specific to its facts.
You should be able to have your baby baptized without everything else happening first. Check with your pastor or deacon.
God Bless You.
2007-09-27 16:24:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be remarried by the Catholic Church.
2007-09-27 16:20:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Good luck with that. In the world according to Catholicism, you have almost no rights as a woman to get a marriage anulled.
Best pick a different church. They're all pretty much the same.
2007-09-27 16:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by Chief High Commander, UAN 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Ask a priest
2007-09-27 16:21:50 · answer #8 · answered by Azure Z 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
31 "Furthermore it has been said, "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." --Sermon on the Mount
Show them that verse, as apparently adultery was involved, so the Church *should* be willing to annul the marriage for you.
2007-09-27 16:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋