How do I tell my mom I'm not perfect?

Question

I'm sure every teenager goes through it, but.. they sure don't show it. I've gotten to the point where I feel like my mom mentally abuses me. I have no idea where to begin. She spends her days working different hours(court reporter), and the rest curled up in a book, knitting, or playing IE Scrabble. When we're in the car, she tells me to take my iPOD off to talk to her, but she ends up getting on the phone. If she's in a bad mood, she takes her anger out on making me do extra, or yelling at me with no paitence. I used to get good grades, but lately, I haven't. She tries to tell me- You're not a retard, so why is that what your grades are telling me? She's so quick to assume that if something isn't right, it was my fault. And, half the time, it isn't. I mean, my FIRST 4 & a half weeks interim for high school came today, and I lettered D in Math, and Spanish. I can't explain to her that both are going up, and even if I do, she doesn't listen.

I keep thinking that maybe it's because I'm her last chance for a perfect child, since both of my brothers pretty much screwed their lives up.

And it's not like I spend my life loafing infront of the PC or TV..
I attend two church youth groups, I ref soccer games on saturdays, I go to saxophone lessons every Monday after-school, I do ALL of my homework, and I need time for my friends. GRR.

She does tell me I'm not trying my best..
But I do, for where I stand. I hae a love my heart races for to talk to every night(not like, numberous hours, but texting until I fall asleep), a best friend who I don't see during the school day, and friends who look to me for support through loads of stuff. She gets pissy at me when my brothers screw up.

Here are her quotes for today-
"I just got your interim. You will hae your phone thirty minutes a night, lose internet completey, have two social events a month, and we'll study Math & Spanish every night for thirty minutes a peice" UNTIL APRIL. How ****** up is that?

And it's not like I sneak out. Of course as a teenager I'm not exactly innocent with everything.. But it's nothing she knows, so why does she have reason to treat me like I'm a problem-some child? I don't lie to her, I help around the house, etc.

Maybe I'm just not meant to be the smartest person in the world. The intrests I have don't have the need to be an A, B student.

Answer 1

Nobody is perfect, tell her that.

Answer 2

To be completely honest, I don't think there is much you can do. I'm only 23, but I remember the days of high school and how hard it is to talk to your parents. Honestly, I do not believe that most parents have any idea how hard it is to grow up right now, and she probably wont understand anyway. The good thing is that you are obviously not letting this ruin your life, and not rebeling. Most kids would end up trying to do the worst things possible just to prove a point. Realize that this is your life, not hers, and in the long run, when you look back, it's YOU that has to be proud of your life, not HER. As kids I know we always strive to have our parents be proud of us, but currently it seems that her bar is set too high, and she may not understand that for a long while. I would just continue to do your best, you sound like a GREAT KID! You have so much going for you, and I would just keep working at those grades. Try not to let it bother you, and keep up the great work!

Answer 3

If I were you I would ask her to sit down and talk and make sure you add that you would like to talk to her without any interuptions (phone) and make sure she listens carefully. When you sit down explain to her exactly what you said in your question. Make sure you put it in a nice way though. Tell her you are not going to get the best out of your future unless you get the best grades possible for you and you can't do that without total conversation and a good family life at home. Include you have been trying and your grades have been doing better but you would like to do the best you can, which, again, requires a decent family life at home and a good relationship with your mom. I totally know what this feels like and it can be really hard but it can be worth it said and done the right way. Good Luck x a million.

Answer 4

Just do the best you can and avoid raising your voice. People don't listen when we scream. You will never be perfect, but she isn't either. It seems like you really need some attention from your mother. Perhaps if you tell her that, she will give you positive attention instead of negative. Try setting aside some time to do something you both enjoy, like shopping or going out for a pizza or movie. Then, in return you spend extra time on the subjects that need improvement.

Answer 5

First you need to sit down and calmly talk to her about your concerns for what and how things are going. It also gives her the chance to do the same. Mom sounds very busy so maybe try doing some extra house chores on your own to make the load lighter. Also I do not the she is looking for the perfect child I think maybe she may think she had something to do with how your brothers turned out. Guilt is a terrible thing.

Answer 6

it can be that your her "final hope". then again, parents usually dont realize when theyre too hard on their kids, you need to sit down with her and tell her exactly what is goin through your mind. she is obviously too caught up working and doing her own things that she cant realize the harm that its causing you. same way your not perfect, neither are parents. about your grades, students tend to try seem like the victim when they get bad grades. if you shouldve learned anything from your mother it should be to not give her a reason to try to degrade you. im not saying that its your fault but try to avoid it. if you have to study harder to not get a D then do it. Yea i bet your grades are going up but you did do something wrong that caused you to have a D. its too early in the year for a D! wish you the best!

Answer 7

parents have this undying need to make sure that their children dont make mistakes because they feel it is a reflection on them, so they tend to go a bit over board when it comes to demanding things from their children. most of the time they dont even realize they are doing it. when you do talk to her tell her how you feel even if she doesn't want to listen, even if she doesn't understand what you're trying to say.. just say it to make you feel better. i dont know how old you are but at 25, i've learned that life is always gonna be hard, there will be people even close relatives that will make life difficult, but you can't let them bring you down, you can't let it affect your grades, your job, your relationships you have that are good. even if it's mom. mom is who she is and she's probably not gonna change. you have to except her for what she is and sooner or later she will do the same for you. rise above what she is demanding of you and she wont be able to complain. stay a step ahead of her, if you know she's gonna ask you to do something do it before she asks, if she interupts you while you're listening to your ipod, interupt scrabble to talk to her, you have to build the bond that she is not building, you have to grow up when she will not, you have to listen when she wont and when she comes to complain-- let you're complaints be known.. i hope this helps

Answer 8

Sounds like she is stressed but she has more hope for you. I would ask her how you can help her. Tell her that your falling grades are a cry for help yourself. Repeat till she gets it. Keep trying. She maybe going through a "time" in her life right now and it is hard for her to tell you. No matter what you have yourself and a very big and bright future awaits you. Life is 90% how you react to it. Keep you chin up and things will turn around.

Answer 9

well the only thing that you can do is tell your mom how you feel. if you dont she just gonna keep going. tell her the reason ur grades are going down is becasue she always expects more from you. and tell her "how come i have to take me ipod off in the car, but u could talk on the phone." you need to let your mom know how you feel, before you get screwed up like the others.

Answer 10

You have to commuincate with her, even if she may seem hard on you, you have to let her know and understand how you feel. Ask her if you can talk to her one on one without any interuptions and tell her you feel like she is pushing you too hard and its hurting you on the inside that you just dont know how to be more than you and it hurts you when she insults you and ask her if anything is bothering her, that if you could help in some way. Ask her for help with school work and etc. You just have to try to talk to her, write her a letter if you have to, i know it seems bad, but you gotta try. My mom died when i was 24, im now 27, and i wish everyday i still had her, goodluck

Answer 11

okay, first of all, dont let what she says get to you. i am in the same situation, though my grades are not falling dramatically, i have been having to work alot harder than i did last year. my mom alwyas trys to tlak, tehn i end up getting yelled at. she knows you arent perfect, but she wants you to be the best you can be. some parents do not understand yeeling is not motivating us to do better, but stressing us out, which makes us do worse. next time she tells you to turn off your ipod, tell her to put ehr phone on silent. not obnoxiously, just be like i want to talk without interuptions, can you please not answer your phone. once you talk, make sure to let her know that you are trying your hardest (unless you arent then i sugest you start trying) or maybe one dya when she is kinitting go sit next to her and talk. dont yell, thats the number one rule. if she yells at you, walk away, DONT GET THE LAST WORD!

i promise,you are not retarded, highschool is tough, just make sure to not stress over silly things. she knows you arent perfect, just do your best. that should be perfect for her.


good luckkk hunnn =D