what do do when your child is rebeling against step parent??

Question

My son is 11 years old and is lately getting into a really bad place of doing spiteful things to my partner. He will purposely not do things he is asked to do liek clean up his room or when he is toldnot to do something he will do it anyway. He does not act like this with me and when I ask him about it he just shrugs me off and wont have an answer for me. It is really becoming a soft spot in our relationship because he is feeling very disrespected and although I do not take up for my sons behavior he is growing increasingly frustrated and so am I... Any suggestions??

Answer 1

There are alot of factors to consider here.
1.How long were you dating before your mate move in?
2. Did you allow your child to meet this person before?
3. If you did allow them to meet, did this child express discomfort or dislike for this person beforehand?
I have a 19 year old that rebelled against my husband the first year we were together. I took her to counseling and found out my daughter was upset because my partner (and future husband) wasn't her dad. She wanted her father and me together. She was bound and determined that she would try to split us up. After the counseling and letting her guard down, my husband has been the only father she's ever known, and she loves him dearly.
Try to find out what's bugging your child why they are disobeying youi at every turn. There is always a reason for everything a child does. Take a walk, get some ice cream, but do this alone at first, so YOU can find out what the problem is. Hope this helped

Answer 2

He is doing it because you are not backing your partner up. If my son did any little thing to spite my friend or partner I'd put him in his place immediately.

Your son is testing his limits and you are letting him walk all over your partner. Stop it immediately. It is your child and you have to teach him how to be nice around others. Where does it stop, with your friends, grandmother, aunts?

Next time your son attempts to do anything that remotely looks disrespectful, such as... your partner says... Johnny could you help me pick up your stuff... Johnny responds after a 5 second delay ( again... can I respond after 6, 7, 8 ,9 never seconds - just testing - with me I need an immediate response ) or rolls his eyes ( tell him that is rude and take away something he likes for two days ( skateboard, playstation, telephone, the ability to go outside... anything... just take it away and give it back after 2 days... no apology is needed from him or you... he will get the hint very quickly )

Good luck...

Answer 3

YOU need to 'take control' ... go into your son's room and REMOVE EVERYTHING except his clothes and his bed and bedding. Tell him that is where he will have to 'live' (he may 'eat' with the family, but will have to 'leave the table' if he acts up or acts out) until his behavior improves. Have him do his homework at a 'small table' where you can see him, but he can't 'see or do anything BUT homework. Otherwise, send him to his room. Tell him that he is NOT allowed on his bed EXCEPT for sleep times, and he is not allowed to 'sit' on the floor ... he must 'stand' in the 'middle' of the room and not speak, and he must 'do this' until he is ready to 'do the things he's told' by EITHER you or your partner. When he starts to do that, put his stuff back ONE THING AT A TIME ... he'll be 'glad' to 'earn it back' and your 'behavior problem' should be 'solved' very easily.
IF your son must 'share' a room, put up a 'divider' so he can't 'see' into the other part(s) of the room ...

Answer 4

You may not like to hear this, but the step parent needs to suck it up a bit and back off. You can explain to your son that he should respect your partner because you love him, but the partner shouldn't be telling your son what to do. Your partner should try more to build a relationship/friendship with your son, and the respect should then follow. But the partner can't just come in to the scene and be a parent. It just won't work that way.

Answer 5

Im going through the same thing but on the other end. But its alot worse than your situation so be grateful. Its to the point to where I cant leave her with my son because she tries to hurt him. Ive caught her pushing on his soft spot.She is 9. Theres always going to be hard times in step familys. The child will rebel probably out of jealousy. The only thing you can do is let your son know he will be punished and follow through with it if he is going to act like that. Make him know you wont tollerate his disrespect. I know its very hard. In my situation, its getting worse. Like I said shes now to the point to where she tries to hurt my son. Im lost, I dont know what to do either. I know its hard for kids but in my situaton i think she needs counsling. Your situation I think will pass. I think every step family has th same problem some time.

Answer 6

Here is a suggestion. When your son disrespects your partner he is disrespecting you also. You need to be the one to put an end to it. Let your son know that there are rules to be followed. If he does not follow the rules that there are punishments. That he is to listen and respect your partner and treat him/her no different than what he treats you. Then you need to stick to what ever rules that you decide on as a family.

Answer 7

To begin with, you say "step parent", and then you say "partner". This would seem to indicate that you are not married, which gives him NO STATUS with your child.

Secondly, you don't say how long this guy has been around. If it's not pretty long-term, he should be not disciplining your child. He is NOT your son's father.

While I do not condone your child's behavior, I do understand it. Divorce creates a lot of turmoil for children, and we expect them to just get over it. Then we bring other adults into their lives and assume they'll just fall into line with that.

You need to go to a counsellor with your son and hash all of this out. While it is the adults who make the decisions, kids are people too. And remember: YOUR SON WAS THERE FIRST!

Answer 8

The step parent cannot be the primary disciplinarian. That's your job. The child does not have a long history with the step parent and frankly did not get asked whether he wanted him in his life.

Mom and Dad need to be on the same page as far as discipline goes. Mom you will need to backup step dad.

Answer 9

you need to discipline him..... if you guys tell him to clean his room and he doesn't do it you should take away something away from him that is very valuable to him and tell him he'll get it back until he get his room clean..... or you can just ground him....... but also you need to talk to your son and tell him what does he think of your relationship with your new partner.... and sit him down make sure he gives you a response.... also try doing activities with the 3 of you guys so he can get use to your partner

Answer 10

anytime my children or his children do not do as asked i have them do a very simple task. they have to go to their room and write their reasons for not doing what was asked of them with a minimum of 100 words. then they have to write what they would have rather been doing than writing this essay and why they think they would deserve to do it in a minimum of 100 words... and then they have to read it to us.... what do you do if they don't do it?? for every hour it takes past the time limit you set, you remove one luxury at a time from their room... if items have to be removed they have a chore for each item removed that they have to do in order to get that item back... strict you might say... but i rarely have to sit through their boring essays....