okay well i live in NY wth my mom and i want to move to my dad's in michigan but my mom wont let me. i am very depressed in ny and my stepdad is an alcoholic. im tired of seeing her hurt and it hurts me to see the fights. i have to get away from here, because im becming depressed. is there a law that at a certain age a child can decide which parent they want to live with?im 14 and i dont want to bring this to court and have a big argument. i also dont want to tell my dad about my family problems in ny. please help! i will choose a best answer!
2007-09-27 07:37:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
also if theres a source you got it from please tell me because i need something from the internet that i can show to my mom
2007-09-27 08:10:40 · update #1
Go tell your dad - he would want to know. He loves you. As for the step dad - why is your mom married to a drunk? Tell her you want to stay with her but only if she leaves the drunk. You only live once so get it right the first time. Good luck to you.
2007-09-27 07:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have asked for help but you have cut me off at the knees by saying you don't want court or to tell your Dad about how things are.
If you are serious about improving the quality of your life because you can't do anything about your Mom's or Stepdad's and nor should you (you are 14 but you are still considered the "child" in this matter) then I think there is something that you need to do.
Understand that I'm sure your Mom loves you but probably won't let you go with your Dad cause this will now open the door to her life away from him and he will be able to see that she really didn't do much better after him and she is probably worried that he will make it a point to let her know that he knows this. Not a pleasant thought between ex's.
But sweetie, you need to understand that if you are going to attempt to start a new life in Michigan with your Dad, you need to be honest with him about your home life. If you talk to him in the manner of "Dad, I need your help but you can't turn this into a battle with Mom or telling her that she's a lousy parent, etc...". You need to make your Dad aware how unhappy you are before you start turning to other ways of coping that will just create a new set of problems for you.
I'm sure that if you show your Dad that you are mature enough to know what you want and be honest with him, then your Dad will help you.
But it's important that you make your Dad understand that if he starts raising a rukus with your Mom, that it will just create more problems for you. Tell him that you don't want him calling her and giving her crap... That's not why you are turning to him for help. That won't help - he needs to understand that he can't use what you tell him against her.
Stress it to him... I'm sure if you are honest and forthright with him and tell him that you honestly feel that living with him is healthier for you, then he start working with you on this - not against your Mom.
Your Dad is the adult here. I'm sure he has the good sense to hear a cry for help when it comes.
As for the law, you would need to contact your local courthouse and ask them if they have a Child Advocate on site or a Family Justice Counselor. These people are paid by the government to hear you speak and if you can go in and talk to this person, they will be able to tell you the applicable laws for NY and what can be done at your age.
Good luck, Kiddo.. Remember, it's not you... You are not the problem - you are a gift, a special gift put on this earth to make a difference. If you have to start that by making a difference in your life, maybe this will help your Mom and Stepdad make a difference in their life.
Take care, hon, and always remember, you do not have to go this alone and DON'T...
This was your first step in reaching out... Good for you!!!
2007-09-27 15:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by niska94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your situation! As far as I know, kids at the age of 12 can decide with which parent to live. But then again it might be different in New York. Before you do anything get a leveled head and make plans. Think of your mom, try not to leave her behind. Try to talk to her in convincing that she might want to leave too and start a new life. She needs you too. I know its hard, but you'll get through this by thinking positive and planing. I wish you the best!
2007-09-27 14:48:55 · answer #3 · answered by the girl next door 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your dad, there is no easy way out of it. Since you are underage you don't have a lot of say where you want to say or should stay. The court decide that so the more evidence you bring to the table to better it is for your case and they may give your dad to right to have you live with him.
2007-09-27 14:42:51 · answer #4 · answered by Sabina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you SHOULD tell your Dad. Your mother's home doesn't sound like a happy or healthy one for you. I know that you don't want to make a big deal out of this but if you have spoken with your mother and she won't allow you to move - you may have to . . .
Good luck
2007-09-27 14:53:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to your father about your problems. If he loves you, he'll want you to be in a safe and happy environment. He is your dad after all. He may be able to help get you out of your current family situation. Keep your chin up.
2007-09-27 14:43:39 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your mom with love first I grew up with a drug addict mom I wish I could have went some where safe If all fails talk to your dad you need to go that is not fair to you!!!
2007-09-27 15:12:12 · answer #7 · answered by tee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, you may not have a choice but to tell your dad. if mom won't let you go on her own, you'll have to say something to him. he's the only one that can help at this point and in order for it to be legal, it has to go back to court.
2007-09-27 14:44:54 · answer #8 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, tell your father about it. He loves you and he know what's best for you. Besides, if you run away or do any other thing, you might complicate your life beyond recognition. Pray for patience and call your father.
I will pray for you too.
2007-09-27 15:16:41 · answer #9 · answered by Dr NO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am afraid you are going to have to tell your dad. your dad will no best how to handle the situation.
If your afraid of how he might react then simply ask him to stay calm and otover react before breaking the news.
Good luck
i hope everything works out well for you
2007-09-27 14:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋