i really want a baby..
I have taken babysitting courses before and i know how to handle them and i know what to do if they get ill..
I realise what i would have to give up and i am fine with it!!
Now i know when you find out the catch alot of people will critisise me, but try seeing it from my point of view, its a dream, isnt it any females dream to have babys?
I want to be there for it and to love it and care for it 24/7.. like my friend does, shes just had a baby and she loves it!
The only trouble is (the catch) that im only 13.
Alot of people will criticise me, but please don't, i cant help feeling strongly about what i want!
I cant talk to my parents about this as i know they will be angry and very dissapointed.
But i really want a baby.
Please help.
thanks..x
2007-09-27 04:58:32 · 29 answers · asked by Darlin'x 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Its natural to want a baby but you have to grow up first. Also, just because your friend has one that is no reason to want one of your own. You need to consider what your parents would do if you became pregnant. Would they disown you? Would they help you? What about your schooling? Do you think it would be easy to raise a child and help with their homework when you never made it to high school?
A good thing for you to consider doing is getting one of those dolls that simulate an actual baby. Your friend may be doing great when you see her but what about when she has to get up nine times during the night to feed junior?
I have attached an article below that explains the doll.
2007-09-27 05:05:07 · answer #1 · answered by Laura L 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the thing is that you are not ready to have a baby. I want a baby, I've wanted one since I was your age. I am now 22, good job, good bf, own apartment and I know that I'm not ready for a baby. Its not so much the baby part its that a baby lasts the next 18 ad at 13 I doubt that you're ready to make that commitment and truly know what kind of a commitment you're making. If you really want your baby then you will think and put it's best interest at heart instead of just what you want at this time. There is no way that you can even support yourself legally so I don't think babies should be your top priority. I would encourage you to take the next few years or so to get your ducks in a row and get your baby fix from playing with your friends babe. Wait and see how much she loves having a baby when shes 18 and can actually go out or even when shes 21 and wants to go out but can't because she has an 8 yr old at home. You don't get to do what you want when you have a baby and if you do then you're not being a good mother and you shouldn't have had that baby to begin with. Just wait hun. You're not ready. And somewhere down the road you will wish you would have listened.
2007-09-27 12:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am going to copy an answer I gave yesterday to a 16 yr old.
Love is not enough. Do you have a house of your own? Do either of you make enough money to support it? Do either of you have medical insurance?
There is a lot more to having a baby and being a parent than love. It is about sacrifice and hard work.
16 is too young. It is not up to the state to cover the medical cost or give you low income housing because you choose to get pregnant at 16.
I am not against state aid for those who truly need it but choosing to have kids when you have no way of supporting it is wrong.
I wanted to add that I have wanted a baby since I was 6 and my best friends mom had one. But I waited until I was older, I was actually 25 when I had my first, wanting one and loving your partner is great, but there is so much more involved in it. You should know without a doubt your partner will stick around and help you raise your child and the only way to truly know this is time. I had been with my husband for 8 yrs by then. 4 together and 4 more married. I am a product of a divorced home and I vowed to never put my child through that. They need a mom and a dad and preferably them together.
2007-09-27 12:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its good to want a baby....but actually having them is very different from babysitting them.
I have a 2 year old toddler running around behind me right now. I can't imagine trying to handle this when I was a teenager.
I do not want to patronize you, as I realize this is a serious issue for you. I do, however, want to explain to you just how hard it is to be a mommy 24 hrs a day/ 7 days a week. You have to become a totally selfless individual. Newborn babies wake up every 2 hrs and need to be fed and changed. Sometimes they do not go right back to sleep and will cry for an hour a time (sometimes out of frustration & sometimes you just can't figure out what is wrong with them even if you are the best mommy in the world).
When they are newborn, they are totally dependant on you to clean them, play with them, feed them, love them, and keep them safe. What you want is secondary to them.
When they start crawling around, you have to babyproof everything. They get into things you could not have imagined. You can not take your eyes off them for a minute.
When they are walking and climbing and exploring, everything becomes a danger zone. It is a full time job and there are no breaks. If I did not have my husband to take over sometimes, I do not think I could survive the days. Sometimes, getting a shower in is a challenge.
I have not have a full night's sleep in 2 years. Even if my son is sleeping through the night, I am awake checking to make sure his blanket is on him, that he is warm enough or cool enough and dry. Is he breathing? Is he safe? Is he having a bad dream...I think I hear a whimper. 24 hrs a day, I am on call.
Motherhood is a full time job and I do not want to hurt your feelings, but no matter how responsible and mature you are, 13 is too young for this. It would not be fair to you or your child.
Wait awhile. In addition to the emotional/ mental issues, becoming a mother at 13 is not healthy for your developing body and waiting until you are 20 or beyond will give your baby a better chance of being born healthy.
I wish you the best and hope you take my words to heart. I love my son, but I am incredibly glad I waited until I was older to have him.
Be well!
2007-09-27 12:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Theresa 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you graduate High School, at the very least.
At 13, depending on your development, having a child could be physically dangerous and life threatening. Having a doctor abort the child to save your life would be very traumatizing. Besides, at 13, your folks would have the final say on whether you could keep it or no. Until you turn 16, your parents have more say, legally speaking, about your body than do you.
As for the things you'll be giving up...a boy friend will be one of them, since most boys your age won't go out with a girl with a kid.
Anyway, until you can proudly stand on your own two feet (financially speaking), doing everything you can to AVOID a pregnancy is what you should be doing.
When it's time, look into a home based business that won't too negatively impact your income if/when you have to take a 20 minute break from work to keep the kid happy, clean, fed, etc.
Besides, you're still growing physically, emotionally, and mentally. You can do some serious harm to the child, simply because you probably haven't (yet) grown into the ability to adapting to the situation.
Since you can't talk to your parents, try talking to a councillor, or see if you can have your pediatrician refer you to a psychologist, and see what the reason for your need for a child is.
Anyway, in the mean time, see if you can talk your parents into a pet (ideally a small to midsized dog, since they tend to be more social than cats, and easier for them to be a substitute for a baby of your own).
2007-09-27 12:29:17 · answer #5 · answered by jcurrieii 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetie, be patient. If you truly knew what is needed to take on the responsibility you wouldn't be willing to give everything up to have your dream. I did want to have a baby, what I got was a life time of difficulties along with the unconditional love of my child. While she was the most beautiful and wonderful baby, she cried a lot and didn't sleep much. She had colic and wanted to be held constantly. I loved her so much and yet, when I needed a break, I couldn't put her down. Even the simple things became complicated. The cost of diapers, formula and clothes and everything else was overwhelming. At your age you will need the support and cash from your family to provide for the child. The older they get the more room they need. Your parents might understand because they have you, and loved you and provided for you. They just may not be ready to do the same for you and your child until you can do it on your own. It isn't fair to expect them to. Continue to want a baby and someday when you are able to take on the full responsibility it can happen. But until then enjoy the freedom to take care of anothers baby and return it at the end of the day.
2007-09-27 12:14:05 · answer #6 · answered by Kathleen B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you might want to spend a lot of time with your friend who just had a baby. It isn't the work or the loving or the taking care of that's difficult, it's the ongoing -ness of it. Babysitting and even visiting, you can give the baby over when it's too much. Your own baby you have to be constantly alert. That's why it is especially difficult for someone your age.
The desire to have a baby is natural, especially when you see your friend happy with one. But it is not a new toy or the latest thing -- it's an eight day a week, forty hour a day jresponsibility.
To see if you are as ready as you think you are, pretend that something is your baby. Some schools have courses that use dolls, some use eggs or sacks of flour. Try something like that for yourself and see how it works out.
Like I said, it is a natural desire for young women. But it isn't always wise, and if you already love your baby (even if doesn't yet exist) you're going to want what is best for it. That's what love is.
So don't rush into anything. Please. For your child's sake.
2007-09-27 12:10:34 · answer #7 · answered by Ruth C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
its really natural to want a baby especially when your friend has one i went through it growing up all my friends were having babies very young and i saw how much they loved being parents. In the end it is your choice but it is also a lot of work i am 23 and just had my daughter four months ago i love it but you also get that feeling that your missing out on alot of things that friends without children get to do. my suggestion would be ask your friend if you can stay with her or even if you could babysit for a day or two preferably overnight even if it is in her own home with her there to help a bit just so you can see what its like and wait a few moths talk to her about the ups and downs and if she feels now would be a good time for you after she herself has experienced motherhood for awhile it all seems fun and amazing in the first month or so but it gets really hard and demanding and you may not be ready for that
2007-09-27 12:21:17 · answer #8 · answered by Dawn E 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetie! I am not going to criticize you for wanting a baby, because that is a very natural desire for many women. At this point however you have to think about the child and yourself. You are not even close to being grown up. I am in my early 20's and I have changed SOOOOOO much in just three years- let alone 10!!! You will be giving up your education, dreams, and any college crazy fun you ever wanted to have by having a child now. How will you provide for this child? Work at a fast food restaurant your whole life? Don't you want a better job one day? In order to do that you HAVE to finish school. If you have a baby right now, what kind of world are you bring it into? You have no money to take care of it- no spousal support. You may think you know what it will be like to raise a child, but trust me you have NO idea! Not even people in their 20s and 30s realize what they will be giving up, until they actually have kids.
If you really want children, then you should have children-----one day. One day when you are at a stable job and have experienced life a little more. You have to be strong for your baby, how are you going to do that if you haven't even finished puberty? I am not trying to be mean, but seriously wait to have a child. Have fun- you are still a child yourself! <3
2007-09-27 12:09:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sansa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you can think a baby will make everything better and give you someone special to love but babies are a lot of work. I knew I wanted a baby when I was your age too but I made sure I did certain things first: I graduated from high school (National Honors Society), I graduated from college (BA/majored in English)-Age 23, met a wonderful man in college who I married a few months after I graduated-Age 24, I traveled with my husband and enjoyed being with him, and then together we had a beautiful baby-Age 26. I have no regrets and know I am a better mother because I am able to devote my time and engery to my daughter. Babies are a lot more work than I ever imagined and I babysat and handled babies before too. You don't ever get a break (unless you're lucky to have family nearby) when you become a mom. I love it, but I think that's because I'm all grown up. Please wait. I know it is hard for you to understand right now, but one day you'll look back and realize this.
2007-09-27 12:05:22 · answer #10 · answered by Precious 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lot of girls your age see the beauty in having a baby and it's normal to have these feelings. Trust me when I say this, give yourself a chance to build a life for yourself in order to prepare you emotionally for all that is trully required for loving and caring for a baby. Having a baby is more than round the clock feedings, diapers, cuddling and cooing. It's how your mind changes on how it sees you in the mirror. You body changes after having a baby and the insecurity that follows when you want to have a relationship with a man. It's the temperment you need to have if your baby has colic and you haven't slept for three days with worry and because the baby needs to be held. I know you say you're ready. But, wouldn't it be better if you had your own home to raise your baby in? Wouldn't be better to be able to afford to buy new clothes for the baby as fast as he/she outgrows them? And will go through clothes faster than you can sneeze? Wouldn't it be better for you to have a finacial plan so you won't have to go without because of all the things that Baby will need? There is a whole big world out there. You ought to live some of it before you bring a child into the world so you can help him/her learn to live it too. Like all good Mothers, you want to give your baby the best you can, and that includes the best Mom to love, care, teach, provide for, share and discipline. There is one other thing. A lot of guys avoid girls who have children. They say they can handle it but they really want a fling with a string. There are other guys who think that if you are young and have a baby that you're an easy lay and that they could get a piece of that. No child wants to grow up thinking that is the way men treat women. Everything you do shapes and molds what this child learns about life. I hope you reconsider having a baby now. I hope that you will continue to prepaer yourself emotionally for all that having a baby entails. A person who is willing to establish herself first will make a fine Mother someday. I hope you awit for that special someday.
2007-09-27 12:19:08 · answer #11 · answered by Carol T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋