Rebecca listened carefully as the winds howled and rustled. The gentle patter of rain followed. She opened her window. The sounds of autumn rain and wind grew louder. The rain fell like needles falling from the skies and hitting the hard cold wet cement and melting into the tiniest of puddles. As each drop of rain hit the windows they trickled down to inevitable destination. Her mind was at at peace. Just the sound of rain was relaxing, she couldn't think of anything else.
Like each of the rain drops every person is inevitably destined to meet destination – death. In between life would have certain surprises. Some are meant for happiness some are meant for sadness. Rebecca's life was tinged with sadness at the very beginning. As her mother has abandoned her as a baby. Ever since then she had longed for maternal love. Despite her yearning she had never expressed her feelings to her father, due to his unresolved issues with Rebecca's mother.
2007-09-27 04:50:56 · 9 answers · asked by Sameerah K 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
*Thanks, I appreciate the criticisms it helps. *
2007-09-28 06:06:57 · update #1
you are using the same word in the same sentence IE
meant , destined-destination , Rebecca's mother
(why not shorten ) her
I know every ones a critic but you asked
2007-09-27 09:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very good my only pointer or critique would be with this line "The rain fell like needles falling from the skies and hitting the hard cold wet cement and melting into the tiniest of puddles.
The rain fell from the dark sky like silvery needles, hitting the cold wet pavement below, running together to form the tiniest of puddles.
just a suggestion, needles falling from the skies doesn't paint a picture for me. And the hard cold wet cement bit I have a problem with your use of cement in this bit. Other than that it's very good. Keep at it. Lo xxx
2007-09-27 12:04:18 · answer #2 · answered by Lo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a little rushed. Also, I know you're trying to be descriptive (and you're doing a good job, honestly) but I like it when authors leave a little to the imagination. Space it out. Give your readers time to discover who your character is. Like a good relationship, you can just lay everything out in the very beginning.
2007-09-27 12:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too descriptive.
Its hard work to read because of all the things going on.
Try to keep it more simple.
You are rushing to get all the details in.
Its good though.
Keep at it.
2007-09-27 15:29:25 · answer #4 · answered by Another Planet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
fab brilliant i want 2 no all da story lol
2007-09-27 11:53:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is brilliant, how old are you, very mature, love it.
2007-09-27 11:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep going! Don't let the idea die!
2007-09-27 14:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by BB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice
2007-09-27 12:01:48 · answer #8 · answered by LAWRENCE R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good wor!Keep it up.
2007-09-27 11:56:27 · answer #9 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋