The first time my sister got married I was 15 and she made me her maid of honor. I'm her only sister. She got married again, to her new husband, and didn't choose me as her maid of honor. She picked her friend. She also chose her friend's kids to be the flower girl and ring bearer, not my kids or my brother's kids. I was really hurt, and so was my sister in law, (about her kids not being chosen. We felt like she could have had more than one flower girl/ring bearer.) I know it's her wedding, but it still hurt. My question is, if I ever get married, would it be catty to not pick her as my maid of honor? I was her's the first time. Any thoughts?
2007-09-27 04:44:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also, I would have felt better if she would have said, I chose someone else because...and that would have been cool. I just felt like my feelings were disregarded. And as far as my kids compared to theirs. My kids are actually better behaved as well as my brother's kids.
2007-09-27 04:53:21 · update #1
In response to one of the questions...her flower girl was 9 my daughter was 4. That may have been too young. IDK. I love all the nasty remarks. I guess reading them I feel better about myself. I'm not trying to be a cry baby. I am very considerate of others feelings, and hope for the same in return. It's obvious from some of these answers that common courtesy isn't universal. Also, the reason for me not choosing her wouldn't be based on this. I just wouldn't want it to seem like it was.
2007-09-27 06:17:57 · update #2
Since you were in her first wedding,that should mean a lot to you.Maybe she felt she shouldn't ask you as this was the second time around for her and you had already been in that first wedding and spent money to do that already once.
You have to look at things in more than one way.
When you get married,you ask who you feel is closest to you to be your maid-of-honor.It's strictly your choice.
Being petty and spiteful over this will not make you feel good.I'm sure your sister will be happy for you no matter who you choose.
I have four brothers and four sister's and was in two of the wedding parties.One brother's and one sister's.I didn't pout because I wasn't in the others.I was simply very happy for them and enjoyed all the weddings.
Don't have hard feelings over this.Be happy for your sister and love her as I'm sure you do.Life is far too short to be upset over something so trivial as this.
2007-09-27 05:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First - instead of harboring resentment - a simple "I am hurt you did this, what was you reason?" is called for. She just probably felt closer to this person. I wouldn't worry too much about not being her maid of honor.
I would, however, be upset that some kids were included but not all. That's not fair and kids don't understand that. But that should have been addressed way back when the plans were being made. If you didn't speak up then, then don't now. It's too late and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
Second - when and if you get married, choose who you feel is appropriate. Don't make any decsions now about you sister. You may feel better about things with her by then. Or not. The answer will be clear by then. If you are close with her again, ask her. If not and you are closer to someone else- ask them.
Third - And don't hold your anger towards your sister against any future nieces and nephews. Just because she did the wrong thing about not includnig family kids, doesn't mean you should do the same.
2007-09-27 05:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right on the it's her wedding so things should be as she wants them.
Now I would venture to say that since she has a sister and a sister in law with children, in stead of choosing one of you over the other (and according to your question you are both "hurt" so that's exactly how you would both see it) she took the safe route and chose her friend and her friends children.
You were her maid of honor the first go round, i.e. you were her first choice, so being hurt that she chose someone for her second wedding is petty. The fact that you and your sil have talked about this behind your sisters back is also petty, as is the feeling she could have had more than one ringerbearer/flower girl. I have to say from your poor me how can she hurt me, and your talking behind her back I'm sorry for your sister. If the two of you (you and your sil) were really concerned for (and loved) your sister you would be trying to help in anyway possible to make this a special day for her instead of standing around scowling and crying crocodile tears about being left out.
To answer your question, if you are not choosing your sister as your moh because she didn't pick you for the second go round yes you are being catty (also sad and pathetic). If you are not choosing her because you have a long time friend, or you and your sil are closer then no.
2007-09-27 05:04:08 · answer #3 · answered by L H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were her maid of honor for her FIRST wedding... I would think that would mean that you honored her FIRST husband and that marriage.... I am not sure, but there may be a WEDDING MEANING to her picking someone ELSE to stand up for her and her NEW husband...... don't feel hurt by your sister not using you OR your kids for her second wedding.... it could be a superstition as well. She may have just wanted everything different for the second wedding... I just can't understand why ANYONE would have a big wedding the second time around ANYWAY...unless they didn't get the big wedding the first time, but from what you've said, your sister DID have a big first wedding..... As far as being catty, YES you are...when it's YOUR time to get married, you pick the woman who has meant the MOST to you in life as your maid of honor FOR THE FIRST WEDDING ANYWAY---a second wedding can be different. SO, if your sister is the woman who has meant more to you then by all means REGARDLESS of you being in this second wedding or not, you should pick your sister... if she is NOT the woman who has meant the most then pick someone else...don't destroy what you and your sister have over a STUPID 15 MINUTE WEDDING ceremony!!!!
2007-09-27 05:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to pick her to be your MOH. My sister's aren't mine. I made them plain ole bridesmaids. I didn't have hurt feelings that I wasn't my sisters MOH, either. My best friend is my MOH. I talk to her about everything and I she's there for me as only a bf can be. I'm sorry you feel excluded. You shouldn't. When it's your turn to plan your wedding, you will see how hard it is to pick between ppl and chose one over the other. As for your kids not being in it, I have 7 nephews and my fiance has 2. We would love to have them all in our wedding, but we can't. There are two many, so we just opted out of having any of them in. (We aren't doing the flower girl or ring bearer at all.) If this bothers you so bad, try talking to your sister. Right now, you can your S-I-L talking about how it's unfair does sound catty. Be happy that your sister found love be supportive in any way you can.
2007-09-27 07:09:20 · answer #5 · answered by Nicki 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though your sister is used to you doing plenty and no longer anticipating to be recognized for it. She takes you as a right and already has proven you ago via no longer even attending your possess marriage ceremony as your maid of honor. It is time you quit being the pushover she has come to understand, for if you don't instruct persons to appreciate you, then anticipate them to not. You don't seem to be obligated in any option to pay for her marriage ceremony nor to provide her a bridal bathe. Your sister has to be taught from the offerings she makes. If she select anyone as a maid of honor who is not going to provide her a bridal bathe, then so be it. You can not constantly rescue your sister. Just receive graciously to be side of her bridal social gathering, smile on the marriage ceremony, want her good, provide a high-quality reward, and that's all that's anticipated from you. Anyway, from how egocentric and immature your sister sounds, I do doubt her marriage will also final. Sorry, however that is the best way I see it. Do what's proper for you and great of success to you!
2016-09-05 09:42:20 · answer #6 · answered by darras 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be catty if the reason why you didn't choose her was because you were hurt from her decision. Prior to your sister's wedding, was she the one you always envisioned being your maid of honor? She made her choice not based off of what would hurt you -- more so what felt right to her. If you are still raw about it, talk to her so that way you can move on. It would be a shame to let this hurt come between you two.
2007-09-27 05:10:50 · answer #7 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she as close to you and your brother as she was then? Maybe he best friend was there for her during her seperation from her first husband.
Maybe since you were MOH once, she wanted someone different. Just because you were MOH doesn't mean you have to be again.
She probably should have explained a little something to you, seeing as how you are family and you at one time her MOH.
Plus how old are your kids? Usually the "cut-off" age for ring bearer and flower girl is around 8.
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also I didn't see the second part about YOU choosing her for your wedding. When it comes to your wedding, just because you HAVE sisters doesn't mean they MUST be your MOH. My fiance has 2 brothers neither of which are his best man. If you still want your sister to be your MOH go for it, since at one time you were hers. If have a very close friend that you want to be MOH that's fine as well. I hope you have a good wedding either way.
2007-09-27 05:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by Courtney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe she didn't choose any of her nieces or nephews because there are more of them that spots in the wedding. I know how you must feel, it is hurtful but I'm sure your sister had no intention of hurting your feelings. It's a choice we as woman have to make when getting married. You always risk hurting people unintentionally. You can always talk to her about it but keep in mind it might make it a sensitive issue for the two of you for years to come. Is it Worth mentioning? Maybe just try to understand what dilemma she was faced with. I hope this help you a bit:o)
2007-09-27 05:03:37 · answer #9 · answered by Poptart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not obligated to select anyone as a maid of honor (or bridesmaid, for that matter) just because of the role you played in their wedding.
(I was a maid of honor twice - once for my sister, and once for a close friend who didn't have a sister. If I'd had a traditional wedding when I got married, I probably would have chosen my sister. However, we ended up not having a bridal party at all.)
2007-09-27 04:54:07 · answer #10 · answered by sarah314 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋