and she has given up on chemo. The cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and she is now just on oxygen and pain killers. We don't know how much time she has left. My boyfriend (of almost a year) has been a little depressed on and off. He gets grumpy and angry for no reason that he knows. He is normally a very laid back, calm person. Its just unlike him. What can I do to support him and help him through this?
2007-09-27 04:37:27 · 14 answers · asked by Berlin Doll 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
just try to imagine what HE is going through. What if your parent (god forbid) was going through this? Wouldn't you need some time too? He's obviously gonna need some time to himself to just accept the fact of his mother. Guys tend to hide their emothions usually too. All you can do is just tell him your there if he needs to talk or anything. Obviously he's gonna be angry and and grump (stages of accepting death). Just be there for him. If you are close with his mother too share what time you have with her too. You shouldnt feel threatened though. Just be there for him and listen to him.
2007-09-27 05:35:56 · answer #1 · answered by jjjj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure she is screaming from the pain? Hospice usually keeps pretty good control of the pain and ups the dosage accordingly. There should not be any reason this woman is in agony. Is she on a steady morphine drip? Is it possible that with all the drugs she is delusional? The brain cancer may be sending her into hallucinations. You say she is still eating a little bit? If she were in her final days, she wouldn't be drinking, or eating at all. She would likely be on an IV for fluid intake at least. It could be her time is coming soon, but I don't think for awhile yet. Please have Hospice check into her meds, she shouldn't have to spend her last days in agony.
2016-03-19 01:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In 1999 my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. It was devastating because my mother was a physician who was in perfect health until she started coughing and coughing up blood. It's devastating when you have to deal with the fact that your loved one is living on borrowed time. Add in the emotions of the person who is dealing with their impending death, the rough chemo treatments and other stresses in life....it's pure hell on Earth. My mother was diagnosed in March and passed away the following January. Lung cancer is a quick moving disease, particularly in terminal cases. Help your boyfriend by encouraging him to spend as much time as possible with his mother and to express everything to her that he wants to so he has no regrets. If you can, also volunteer to make meals for his family or do anything you can to be of service. It's not unusual for your boyfriend to be angry. He is faced with a situation that he cannot control and it is a terrible, depressing feeling.
2007-09-27 06:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just being there will mean a lot to him. There is no right way or wrong way to deal with this, as everyone reacts differently to a loved one's terminal illness. Don't be alarmed if he seems distant, either.
As long as he knows you are there and will support him, that's as much as you can do.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you and your boyfriend.
2007-09-27 04:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by Gem Gem 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so as a guy who lost a mother to cancer I can tell you that the unfortunate truth is that there is little you can do or say. About the only thing you can do is just be there.
For me about the only thought that gave me any comfort at all is the idea that loosing your parents is part of the human condition. It is supposed to happen that way. the folks I really feel sorry for is those who loose their children (like my grandmother).
2007-09-27 04:42:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be as supportive and understanding as possible, and if his mother lives close, maybe find out if there is anything you can do to make her more comfortable. Maybe she'd like someone to read to her, or help clean the house or cook chicken soup- small things that might help ease her burden, and show to him that you care about him, and his mother.
2007-09-27 04:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just that, support him.
Don't push on him, just be there and don't expect too much from him in terms of attention for you.
In other words, be selfless and the rest will happen naturally.
2007-09-27 04:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by m_c_m_a_n 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he only gets grumpy and angry at the near loss of his Mother, he is really doing well. Do not expect him to be bright and cheerful for quite a while. The pain of losing a parent at any age is horrible.
Grief counseling would probably be his best bet. It is really just talking out the pain and fear you feel about a situation.
Just be there for him and do not expect him to be how he was.
2007-09-27 12:33:21 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for him. Make her comfortable as much as possible. See if he can talk to a counselor or clergyman about what is going on to help him through it also. A grief support group could help. I have been through it. My dad and mother-in-law both had terminal cancer, he had prostate cancer and she breast cancer. Both my mom and my husband died, also. Grief support groups could help. I can relate to what you are going through.
2007-09-27 04:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Pea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be there for him. If its in her lymph nodes, it won't be much longer for her I'm sorry to say. It won't hurt to ask him what you can do to help him through it.
2007-09-27 04:40:30 · answer #10 · answered by cindy h 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋