A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-09-27 04:29:22 · 9 answers · asked by Roxy 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
hhhhha ha very funny ....!!
2007-09-27 09:52:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pretty funny.
2007-09-27 05:13:31 · answer #2 · answered by Widgi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the best I have heard in a long time! Awesome, I giggled the whole way through! roflmao i had to e-mail it to people, have a star! Thanks for the laugh!
2016-04-06 03:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so funny ha ha have a wee star * :)
2007-09-27 04:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LMFAO. That made my day...that deserves a star!!!
2007-09-27 04:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by she_sucks@life 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats the same reason i cant drink vodka. have a star. that was funny!
2007-09-27 06:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by LoLo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've heard this before but I love this joke and laughed out loud again. Thanks!
2007-09-27 05:53:02 · answer #7 · answered by Precious 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hee hee
2007-09-27 04:51:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that was funny.
2007-09-27 05:04:41 · answer #9 · answered by sinful rev 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋