Do you think this is a good idea? I have heard of cases where an abuser was confronted by their victim, but the victim ended up being more upset afterwards because the molester denied everything, and tried to make the victim think she was crazy and "imagining" things.
That made me think to myself, is this a good idea. Should a child abuse survivor confront the abuser, or should they just move on with their life through therapy and whatever else.
I was molested as a child, and I haven't seen the abuser in years. I don't even know if I would recognize him if I see him, but I always wondered to myself, if I had the opportunity to see him again, what would I say? Would I confront him about it, or would I just keep walking like I didn't see him? What he did to me as a child still affects me today, but I have learned to "get over it". If I confronted him, would that open old wounds, and bring back memories of things I don't want to remember??
What are your thoughts on this?
2007-09-27 03:40:45 · 11 answers · asked by CJ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Confrontation, just you and him? ... bad idea.
If he hasn't sought you out to recognise and overcome problems from back then, he won't be ready to now either.
Confront the image of him during a therapy session with a professional that has dealt with this before. You can be upset then in a trusted surrounding ... or find closure.
Don't just treat this as something that will go away. If it doesn't, you may take the scars into your relationship with your own kids in the future. Better to take responsibility for the wounds now with someone you can trust.
2007-09-27 04:02:18 · answer #1 · answered by wizebloke 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it can often do more damage than good if the situation isn't handled by a PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST. Think of it this way: Best case scenario, what would happen? He would apologize and be very sorry, right? And what would that give you? It wouldn't take the molestation or memories away. And worse case scenario, he would deny it or act like you deserved it somehow which would devastate you.
In the end, I think it's less about the molester and more about finding peace within your own heart and soul. Don't let HIM rule the rest of your life or decisions you make. If he does, then he's winning again and having power over you. The best thing a molested person can do is to deal with it w/ a counselor then move on to have a successful happy life. I have a friend who was molested as a child. It's a horrible thing but she is now in her 30s and still hasn't moved past it. It makes me soooo angry at her molester and to be honest, at her a little. Because she has allowed this thing, this man, to RULE the rest of her life....she has allowed this person to take away from her the happiness she could be having. So, don't let this happen to you.
2007-09-27 03:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the response you get from this person - if he shows no remorse or suggests you made it up how will you feel?
I do have two suggestions I have heard used in this situation. First, is thinking abuot and even writing down (1) any bad things you did to this person and (2) any good things they did to you. Since he plays the role of the boogeyman in your mind it will help to see him as more than that as well and see yourself as more than a victim. Some sort of reconciliation or absolution for both of you might be available if you can transcend the victim/abuser roles you play for each other.
Second, look into Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication procedures. In a nutshell, it is very effective to speak to someone who has hurt you if you (1) factually recall the action they did without blame or judgment, (2) tell how this makes you feel and take responsibility for your own feelings using "because I" after them, and (3) specifically request them to take some specific actions to help you feel better. For example, "When I was a child, you molested me on several occasions. I feel sad and angry about that because I have this fear that other people can't be trusted now. Would you be willing to share with me what was going on for you that led you to do that and also how you fel about it now?"
Sounds like you've recovered to emotional health by the way, which I think is wonderful. Good luck.
2007-09-27 03:59:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered a question similar to this yesterday and i still feel the same way.. PLEASE do not confront the person who abused you.....
I think that there are other ways to cope with this (therapy yes) and to learn to move forward.
Those who abuse children are very ill, otherwise they wouldn't do such a thing... We, as victims, need to realize this first.. it's not an 'excuse' for them, but if we come to the realization our abusers are sick, and it WAS NOT OUR FAULT, it's a good basis to start moving foward... and sometimes, one baby step at the time.
2007-09-27 03:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
demanding question. What if she rotated and she or he's working with young ones to make up for what she did? What if she spent the previous thirteen years regretting it, on a daily basis of her existence? I propose finding out greater approximately her artwork, without letting her know you're checking on her. in case you believe she is a danger to any newborn notify government at present. If no longer something looks risky there i could touch her by skill of writing an extremely long and emotional letter, expressing each and every thing you prefer her to nicely known approximately what she did to you. That way you get to declare each and every thing you prefer to declare, without forgetting, or being interrupted, or something worse like having some form of stress episode from the stress of dealing with the type of terrible concern. If that's no longer sufficient, or what you prefer, then face her in individual, or call her on the telephone. i could ward off email thoroughly. additionally, you say you prefer her to pay for what she did to you, and believe me I understand your anger, suffering, and discomfort, yet revenge solves no longer something and it won't furnish real alleviation or therapeutic. you do no longer could forgive her, i'm no longer asking you to be a saint, yet revenge isn't a answer and maintains the chain of negativity. Say your peace and turn your back on her and pass on with your captivating, something is available, existence.
2016-10-09 22:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that if you do see him you should just hold tight and keep on walking if he sees you than hold your head up high and be very cool about it. (after he is out of sight if you think you need to you can cry!!!! I know exactly how you feel i was raped whan i was 8 years old. ( i never told anyone!!) Then he smiled at me every day when he saw me ( he was a janiter at school so he saw me a lot!!!! But just remember dont confront!!!!!! It will hurt you more!!!!
2007-09-27 04:38:47 · answer #6 · answered by Angel of death *Donah* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should leave things in the past and or they might even haunt you for4 ever if you keep remebering you have a life so move on do what you feels right
2007-09-27 03:46:32 · answer #7 · answered by bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thoughts are...
Have a mediator and ask why he did this to you
You need to do this because it will provide you with closure and it will make it easier for you to move ahead with your life.
2007-09-27 05:27:39 · answer #8 · answered by don't be a hater 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would. And I wouldn't say anything, I'd just start beating the **** out of them.
2007-09-27 03:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like " your not over it " ,YET !
2007-09-27 05:12:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋