it is definatley his baby as we knew she was expecting but was told that she had had a termination, my son is in the navy and is based in scotland, she was a bit older than him, (he is 23) and he told her he wasnt ready to be a dad, she obviously couldnt go through with it and now wants him to have the option of getting to know his daughter. I cannot contact him as he is a sub-mariner and is at sea till the end of November, but what do I do in the meantime?? Do I get to know her and be a part of her life, (as I am her grandmother after all) knowing that it will be impossible for my son to visit regularly, even if he wants to, which I dont know yet. She is my first grandchild, (I'm 43) the ex girlfriend is now a single mother of 2, her other child is 4 and I am at a complete loss as to what to do for the best......help!!
2007-09-27 02:52:14 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What a shock for you, and quite a dilemma with your son being out of touch.Do you want to be part of this childs life? if so start building up a relationship now, i have a friend who is seeing her granchild though her son has no contact at all and things are gioing well.Make sure the mum does not take advantage of you.
2007-09-27 03:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by madge 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Don't turn your back on your only grandchild. This could be a once in a life time chance to really do the right thing! Your son should have done the right thing too by staying by her side through what ever the decision was between the two. Then it wouldn't have to come to you in such a shocking way, because you would have known that she didn't go through with it. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be rude but do the right thing by the child. Then maybe your son will too. Even though he didn't want to be a dad yet, he still made 1/2 of the mistake! Thats his blood out there.
2007-09-27 03:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If indeed the baby is your son's, then you are a new grandmother. I'm finding it hard to believe that you're stumped at what to do. I do believe it was wrong for the girl to hide the pregnancy after you belived she would terminate, but the fact is now that there's a baby involved. Even though your son is on a sub, he should still have some kind of contact, like the internet. It may come as a shock to him, but he does have a right to know. Then he can decide on what to do regarding a relationship with his child. As for your age, 43 isn't too young. My mom became a step grandma at 27!!
The baby is entitled to having Tricare (the military's health insurance) so make sure your son gets her enrolled. If your son's ex girlfriend lives near a base, she can save a lot of money by taking the baby for her check ups on base. So just do what comes natural for new grandmothers.. get to know your granddaughter and enjoy this surprise!
2007-09-27 03:28:40 · answer #3 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That there is your grand baby. You were responsible for raising your son right, and he did make a bit of a mistake here. Unfortunately, it is a mistake that falls back on you a bit, as you are a blood relative of this child. It will want to have it's grandma! How wonderful for you that you get to be part of this child's life!!! What a blessing! Whether your son wants to step up to the plate or not is irrelevant, you have your own responsibilities here, that you have decide whether or not YOU are going to step up for.
Every moment is precious, don't wait for your son to come back, as you obviously want to be in this child's life, why wait? He has no right to be cranky at you for your decision, as this baby is FAMILY!! And he lost his right to deny that child it's family when he didn't use a condom, let alone the fact he had sex at all before marriage!
I can see that this might cause some awkwardness, but the main things that jump out at me are what a blessing this is for you, and how much i wish i'd known my grandparents. and how you and this girl can learn to get along and you can be there for her if she needs advice about your grandbaby. The more family members you have, the better, and this babies mother IS family now by default. May as well accept her.
Have I said it enough now? I'm sure I could put it another nother way if i try. :D Congratulations Nan!
2007-09-27 03:35:33 · answer #4 · answered by A derka der 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on you first grandchild, i would do what best for you, if you feel you want to get to know that baby then i would, but if you don't feel anything then don't, take her details of where she staying so at least you son as got the options of getting to know his daughter. Personally if this was me from a mother's point of view i would want to know my grandchild even if my son didn't as it not the child's fault. And it's your first grandchild and you can't change that even if you would like too.
2007-09-27 04:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly your son needs to insist on a Paternity test if he has not already done so.
Secondly, he needs to know what is occurring, you can contact the local naval base and speak with the chaplain or similar there, they can arrange for him to be contacted. He is an adult and deserves to be told. If paternity is legally proved, then you will need to decide whether you want to play a part in the childs life, so don't burn your bridges, but tread warily. If the ex girlfriend starts hassling for support, I would send her to the naval base to discuss it with the chaplain which will get her off your back and allow her a way of communicating with your son.
I emphasise though if a Paternity test has not occurred then regardless of anything else your son needs to insist on this to ensure he does not get played for a sucker.
2007-09-27 04:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is your grandchild then of course you should get to know it. That's called following your heart. Don't let the woman use you though, but the child is innocent in all of this. Ask yourself this, if he was married and everything was hunky dory, would you even have a doubt about getting to know your grandchild? There's your answer, it should be no different because the parents aren't together.
2007-09-27 03:09:20 · answer #7 · answered by Button 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg!!! all you have to do is just look at the innocence of that baby!!! NO BABY ASKS TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS FUNKY crazy fucked up world anyway!!! Good for her for not having the termination!!! What just b/c your son wasnt ready to be a dad he is innocent in this situation, whatever he pulled his dick out and nutted didnt he??? I guess by you putting your age you feel as though your too young to be a grandmother or something. Its on you, you play the role you want to, but regardless you know thats your granddaughter, and it will catch up to you.She needs to put his *** on childsupport, if the two of you dont want to be there willingly. This girl did not crawl on top of herself and make the baby alone. Like i said the baby didnt ask to be here, and i am totally against abortion, so. YOu need to take responsibility as a grandmother, because whether you realize this or not your are practicing the act of supporting your son as well as anyother guy not stepping up to his role of not being a father, what the hell do you mean. 'what should i do?" be a fucken grandma thats what you do.
2007-09-27 04:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by I DONT CARE 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what your heart tells you to do. This baby, as you say, is your first grandchild. And from the sound of it, the kid needs a stable influence in its life. Whatever happened between your son and the lady, the child can not help. Its as innocent a victim in all this as you are.
2007-09-27 03:00:39 · answer #9 · answered by petra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you need to get a message to your son. Contact the Base Chaplin and tell him of the situation. The Chaplin will be able to contact your son. He will also be able to contact your Son's Commander if necessary.
If it is, as you say, his child then the daughter is due benefits from the Navy. Also the JAG Corp will be able to assist your Son to make sure that this is his child (i.e. DNA) and help him take responsibility for the child (i.e. child support).
As to what you should do I would tell the lady that you are trying to get a message to your Son through back channels. I would want to see what my Son said first. I would be friendly with the girl and all of the children. I would not get overly involved until I knew for sure. Also you want to know what you Son wants to do. Even if your Son does not want to have a relationship with this Lady. You may still choose to have a relationship with her and your grandchild (if it is your grandchild). I would be cautious!
Good Luck!
2007-09-27 03:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by Bill C 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Stay in contact but dont do the grandmother bit untill you know your sons views or you can get on with your own relationship with this child as grandmother providing you are prepaired to continue what ever the outcome of your son
2007-09-27 23:10:02 · answer #11 · answered by mockbegger cherry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋