Mom and dad wants husband and I to move in...?

Question

I have a dilemma. First, I'm 3 months pregnant with our first child, which is awesome. Second, we are in over our heads with mortgage, credit card, car, etc. bills. It's taking us forever to catch up and I'm worried about our future. We both make decent money. (household income is ~85 g/year) But we live above our means. My parents have a very nice, 5 bedroom house, which only them two share. They offered to help us out with our finances by us moving in with them for a couple of years. We will have to pay rent though which is fine. The thing is, we have to decide soon if this is what we want to do. They are thinking about moving to a small condiminium if we don't take their offer so they need to know so they know whether to put their house on the market. My husband is all for the idea. I'm just afraid that we will never grow up if my parents continue to rescue us all the time. Has anyone faced this before? If so, how did it pan out?

Answer 1

Well, you have a point there...if you let your parents bail you out everytime you are in trouble, how are you to learn how to bail yourselves out? While it's nice of them to offer and help out, you all should cut all your credit cards, but one, go seek credit counseling to help you get out of your debt. Not only will they teach you the right way to handle your credit, but you can get your intrest payments reduced or completely removed and just make monthly payments to pay everything off. Just do research on credit counselors and make sure they are accredited and not a sham.

I think it's always best to try to fix things yourself unless you are completely out of options...and, please, whatever you do, do NOT file for bankruptcy...you will still have to pay now and your credit will be even more damaged.

Answer 2

Moving in with them doesn't help you if you do not change your spending habits. It may help you to pay off some debt quicker by moving in but you'll go right back into debt when you move out if you don't change you attitude toward money.

You've identified the problem when you said you live beyond your means. How does moving in with your parents address that? It doesn't.

If I were in your shoes I would let my parents sell the house and get the condo they want. It's not a healthy safety net. Then I would really examine where my money was going.

Address and resolve your spending habits. It's time to live within your means and act your wage. Especially with a baby coming.

So.
1. Thanks your parents for their love and support but tell them it's time for the two of you to grow up and address your financial issues.

2. Get on a written budget. Stop using the credit cards. Stop going out to eat as much. It's healthier to cook at home anyway. Cut all the excess fat out of your lives.

You can control you money or your money can control you. Right now money is controlling you to the point where you're considering moving in with you parents when they want to move to a condo. You and your husband need to do this together then swear to abide by it. Again, moving in with your parents addresses the symptom (debt) but not the problem ( your spending habits).

3. Get at least a 1000 dollars into an emergency fund. Murphy will come and there's no sense attacking this debt if when Murphy comes you have use the credit cards.

With a baby coming you might consider doubling or tripling that emergency fund. Maybe even defer attacking the debt until after the baby is born.

4. Attack the debt with a vengeance. Pay minimums on everything except the smallest. Pay all you can on that then when it's paid off use that money plus the minimum on the second to pay that one off. And on and on.

5. Think about how much you spend a month on the car. Is it really necessary? Consider selling that thing and getting something cheaper. Look around your house and have a yard sale. What percentage of your income goes to the house? Maybe sell that for something comfortable yet affordable.

You make 85 thousand a year. That's a good shovel. You can do this if you dedicate yourself to doing it. In the long run you'll be much better off than moving in with your parents.

Answer 3

I have a better idea. Learn how to live WITHIN your means. At 85 grand a year, you can do it. It just takes discipline and reason. I guarantee you that moving in with your parents, even if they are really nice, will put a significant strain on your marriage. And you are right to be concerned about never growing up. You'll relive the same mistakes over and over again until you learn to deal with them yourselves. If your parents are willing to offer you a LOAN, I might take that. Otherwise, it is best to take care of your own family. Hopefully both of your parents helped you learn how to do that. I'll put it this way. Me and my wife make less money than you guys do, and we manage fine. It took some time and we made some mistakes, but we learned. We are completely independent, get along great with our respective families, and have pretty much the most happy and stable marriage of anyone we know. We considered living with her parents for a year when we first got married. I am sooooooo glad we didn't do it. I've never known someone that this worked out for, unless it was very temporary.

Answer 4

That's one thing I would never do. You and your husband are adults.. making decent money, but over spend. Having your parents bail you out by letting you move in is not going to teach you responsibility. If you live above your means, then stop. Simple as that. Cut up all your credit cards but one or two, then start budgeting your money better. Instead of paying full price for clothes, hit the clearance rack. Stop eating out. Rent a movie instead of going to a theatre. We did this when I stopped working. We eat out maybe a couple times a month as a treat. You said yourself that you're afraid you'll never grow up if your parents continue to resuce you all the time. So now's the time to grow up. You're about to become parents and there's no better time for you to show you can be responsible.

Answer 5

First of all start living within your means Contact a fiancial counselor and work with the counselor too set up a budjet Then stick to the budjet Next go through the house if you do not need it or have excess(and we all do) get rid of it Have a yard sale Then put that money toward a bill Go down to basics till you get stabilized Basic cable for a while You and your fiancial counselor can figure out where you can cut cost and save money Moving in with relatives sounds fun but the novelty wears off fast Parents tend to stay in your business and want to do thing there way You are a new couple and need your space to get to know each others habits and ways With a little adjusting and readjusting you can do it It just takes working at shopping right Useing coupons and finding great deals I taught my grandaughter to have a yard sale She got rid of toys games and clothes she did not use or out grew At 4 she made 149 .00 dollars in two days on monday she put it all in the bank She is now 7 and that is how she keeps excess out of her room

Answer 6

First of all do you remember when you couldn't wait to move out of your parents house when ou were a teenager?
Think about that. Second cut up you cards. Make more than the minimum pymt every month.Trade in your car if it is acceptable sit down together and figure out what you actually need. Needs are basic utilities,groceries,insurance,etc. These needs don't include manicures,lunch with the girls three times a week,country club memberships etc. Only do things if you actually want to be adults who take care of themselves and are not dependent on Mom and Dad to bail them out. If your mortgage is too high...sell move. If you want to live with Mom and Dad for one year make that your goal. Sell your house,move in with mom and dad. Pay your bills and save your money. Being at Mom and dads after you give birth will give you extra hands which are great. But will Mom and Dad be able to handle a newborn and crying,three am feedings etc.Your parents sound like they have really big hearts. What if they sold their house and moved into that condo they obviously have had their eye on and loaned you money? Would you take it and go on a budget? Theres a lot of reasons to move in and alot not too. Maybe everybody should sit down and weigh the pros and cons.

Answer 7

First, don't spend more than you make. If you can afford a house don't buy a mansion. Second, how else are you going to back on track if your parents don't help you. move in with them at least until your debts are all repaid. Then get a place that you and your husband CAN afford that is big enough for you and a new baby. If you pass up this chance things might only get worst for you. Parents will always try and help you out. your lucky their willing to do this for you. swallow your pride and let them help you. If your spending more then you make then maybe you still need some growing up.

Answer 8

Before you take that step, I'd like to ask if you and the husband have sought financial counseling and debt consolidation assistance. Two years can be a long time if the situation gets stressful and can ruin what appears to be a good relationship your husband has with his in-laws. I have never moved back in with my parents after moving out after high school and though they have offered to help, it just feels better knowing I have always handled my own problems, especially as I know they won't be around forever and my problems are created by me and should be handled by me. Maybe they can lend you money to help pay some bills if they make a good profit from selling their home.

Answer 9

You're worried about growing up? You're three months pregnant (congratulations, by the way)!!! You don't have to worry about growing up, relying on your parents is normal, especially when you're pregnant and really worried, it's okay. Try living with them for a while, and once you get back on your feet and probably once you give birth to the baby (please let me know when it's a boy or a girl, I love finding out the birth of babies =D), you can move out and start your own new fresh life with a great husband and beautiful new born baby. Another good thing is that you can save a lot of money if you do so =D.

Answer 10

It is easy to understand your parents, they want to help as they love her daughter. Besides you are pregnant and need extra attention and care. Be happy that your husband support your parents in their decision - that's, i would say, not so often you may see. When the baby will born you will need extra hands as well, and you will be happy to see your mother near by, believe me.
Don't be scared that you won't even grow up. Living with your parents for some more time - doesn'e mean you are a child. You are a married woman already, mummy-to-be, you are already grown up. Stay all together, value this relationships! You will be always able to move on and find your own place int he nearest future. Now you are pregnant, and believe me walls of your own home - is the best place to stay, as now you should not think of many things, you should be relaxed and enjoy your wonderful days of pregnancy. Concentrate completely on that and go on!

Stay happy and best of all to you!!!
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