I AM AN OLDEST SISTER TO FOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS. My sister Ashley has 3 children now. Two she gave to their dad due to her being homeless and not having anyway to support them(that in itself causes me great pain to think she didn't try everything first to keep them) Then she had another child that she is allowing drugs to be used around. (MARAJUANA). I told her not to ever let me find out about it again.
WELL TO MAKE THE STORY SHORT AND SWEET, I HAVE HAD IT. For 4+ years I have done everything I could to help her. I have offered her a home when she was homeless and even before that when she was in a Domesticly Violent relationship with her husband. BUT MY HOME WAS NOT "NICE ENOUGH" My home does need lots of work but it should not have been her reason for not taking free help when she could have really used it. I have babysat for her and never gotten even a thank you. I have paid her rent before and many other things!
I AM JUST WONDERING IS THERE ANYTHNG I CAN OR SHOULD DO?
2007-09-27 01:26:09 · 12 answers · asked by onelittleangelsittingonmyknee 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You did your part as a big sister like many big brothers & sisters would to for their siblings who care about them. Its clear to me that your sister have other issues at hand and her own self pride keeping for her admit that she need to change her life around. Its time for you cut her loose and let her swim or sink, which is her choice. Understanding there are children will suffer even more, but that is her call. As long as you leaning her a hand to help her, but she will interpet it as you're better than her and etc. That is my opinion why she is acting this way. I have deal with this with my own sibling. If she want to sink, then let her. If not, she will wake up and start swimming before she sink too deep. Just be willing to lean a hand only if she ask for it and pray for her and her kids. good luck and thanks for being a big sister who care.
2007-09-27 01:52:20 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately your sister doesn't seem to want any help. If she was willing to give up her children without doing her best to keep them, including staying in your house then the children are better off. She more than likely felt they were better off with a parent that loves them and wants them. Now for her 3rd child who's being exposed to the wrong atmosphere perhaps you or another family member should seek custody of that child before the state steps in and take it. It seems as though your sister is heading down a rough and rocky road and her child should not be dragged down that road with her. If she's not willing to turn the child over then the state should be called to assist you. However you at least owe that to your niece or nephew. Let your sister control her own life, you can't force her to accept help or see that there's a problem. Let her hit bottom and once she's down she will either stay there or do something about her life. It's called tough love and right now that's what she needs so that she can see that her life needs adjustments and she needs serious help.
2007-09-27 01:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have done what a sister should do Your only responsibility is to your niece Make sure that she is in a safe enviroment and not around drug user Your sister should not have thumbed her nose at you when she was homeless you have done what you can do She may have to learn the hard way by hitting rock bottom She has got to want help and she has got to want to help herself Until that day come there is not much you or your family can do Her present child should be taken from her till she is ready to stabilize her life style It sounds harse but she is the only one who can do it
2007-09-27 02:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by chameleon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't help those who won't help themselves. Your sister needs a crutch, you should tell yourself you won't be it. I've a sibling that sounds an awful lot like yours. I resolved not to get involved with them and haven't even so much as spoken to them in years, refuse to be at any function they attend and when the rest of the family whine about how they "screwed" them over or are messing up their life I just shake my head and have the satisfaction of knowing I have told them about this in the past and ignore them. I have my own life, it isn't perfect but it's mine, I live and do for me and mine in the best ways I can and am satisfied with it.
2007-09-27 01:42:05 · answer #4 · answered by David 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You care for her a lot and so want to help her, but the help is more of rescuing her. The best help you can give her is to stop doing it for her and let her learn to do it for herself. Let her know that if she needs help she knows where you are and that you will no longer come running to rescue her. Even then, guide her/ teach her to help herself and free up some space in your life for you to live your life instead of being a doormat for her
Love, light, laughter
2007-09-27 01:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by bfreefromstress 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't help people who don't want to be helped. It hurts with family. She is a grown-up, and she is not your responsibility. Just the kids need to be helped at this point. You have to have tough love here.
Let her go if she does not want help! We all have troubles, but we decide what demon we want to use to ease the pain. And we decide if we want the help, but change is hard. Just remember...it is not your fault or responsibility to keep helping.
Take care of those kids, and your own family!
2007-09-27 01:41:38 · answer #6 · answered by devie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
accept her for what she is and where she is in life. She cannot be changed by you or anyone else. Only by her circumstances. As long as she has people enabiling her to screw up her life, she wil continue. Don't be one of them anymore. Don't look at her as a sister. Look at her as someone you are financially supporting. Do you like this? If you do then you are just as screwed up as her only in a different way. I don't think you can do anything but pray for her to get to her bottom quickly.........
2007-09-27 01:43:55 · answer #7 · answered by TMAC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say let her fall. If your house was not nice enough for her to stay in wh is she letting you babysit her children in this house that was not good enough for her? She needs to have some tough love and fall on her butt to realize she needs help and make her appreciate the help when she gets it
2007-09-27 01:34:41 · answer #8 · answered by Cristy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So long as you allow people like this to use you, they never change. I believe that irresponsible people need to suffer their own consequences.
2007-09-27 01:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cut her loose. She makes her own problems over and over again and people like that you cannot help.
2007-09-27 01:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋