Need help with teen?

Question

My 17 year old son got into some legal trouble last spring. Serious but not enough to land him in jail or juvie, just enough to warrent restitution and community service. He recently skipped a day of school and drove across the state to see his g/f who just started college. I grounded him for that. In turn he hopped into his car and stayed with his dad who will NEVER ground him for anything. His father has always given him whatever he wants. I am always the "punisher". My son and I had an argument on the phone the other day about his behavior. It got bad, he said I was being ridiculous and hung up on me. I figured I would give him a day or two to cool down. Yesterday, while I was at work, he came home and gathered up his stuff and offically moved in with his dad. I have sole custody but my son is almost 18. He wont return my calls so I have stopped calling. He tells his sister he left "for a little while". Am I right to let him make his own mistakes or should I keep trying?

I can't take away his car as his father's family bought it for him. I can't take away his license as he has a part time job after school and the weekends and he always works...Help!

This is to mr wiseguy and your broken home theory. I didn't go into our background because coming from a broken home isn't causing his problems but just so you know. his father he was once a very caring and loving father. he was a hard worker at one time also. When i became pregnant our lives were almost perfect. During my pregnancy he started to spend more and more time in the evenings after work with his "buddies". Eventually he developed a drinking problem. He join AA and we both worked hard to keep him sober and in class. Then the gambling started. He lost his job was drinking again and I came home one day to find no furniture including the babys furniture and his car gone. He had sold them to pay for his gambling debt and he was drinking heavily again. That was enough for me...go sing the commitment song to someone else. I was committed to helping him for more than two years after he begun the drinking and gambling.enough is enough.Fortunately, ten years later he is doing better

Answer 1

Three bits of advice....First, do not under an circumstances listen to anything wiseguy has to say. Apparently in his ideal world only good things happen to children from married parents and watch out! only expect the bad from the kids from broken homes. He also doesn't realized that maybe staying with a father whose behavior was such as your ex's would have caused more damage than the divorce. You providing you are a good parent did not cause your son to get into trouble because you are divorced...Only a idiot would suggest that.
Second, you can leave you son alone for the time being. Give him time to see what life is like on the other side of the fence. I bet in time he will realize that you are right and he still needs a little guidance. Heck, we all do every now and then. When he does see the light, have a calm but firm tallk with him about rights and wrongs....be sure to apologize for making him a child from a broken home...JUST KIDDING!!
Third you can confront him now. You can make your points right now. Find him and just make him hear you. I say hear you because he is 17 and may not listen.
My opinion is to wait it out...give it a few days...see what happens....you can't force him to come home and I don't recommend taking away a car. Just let him be "himself" for a little while. Keep in mind it could always be worse....

Answer 2

There really doesn't seem to be any more that you can do. He's not going to listen to you, he thinks he's an adult and can make his own decision so let him. And let him deal with the consequences. If he gets into trouble and comes to you for help, DON'T help him!!! It will be the hardest thing to do but you can't let him walk all over you. Tell him you love him no matter what but that he got his self into trouble so he can get his self out. He's living the high life right now but eventually he'll realize that life isn't fun and games and that you did your best for him. Legally since he's not 18 yet you could have him declared a runaway and the police would bring him back to your home but that would just make a bad situation worse.

Answer 3

If you have custody of him then it doesn't matter who gave him the car, you have the power but...at that age he needs his job and I could understand not taking it away from him. It sounds like you need to let him go with his father. I know it hurts but he's almost 18 and he's already made his decision that he's an adult. Let him know that home is not a revolving door and that if he wants live with his father that'll you'll respect his decision. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and he may come back, just make it clear if he comes back, it's by your rules or he has to get out on his own. Or, he may get out there and do fine. Good luck. He'll sink or swim but sometims sinking is a good lesson for the future.

Answer 4

If he is almost 18, that is a hard decision to make. It's not really one we can give you. If you have full custody of him, you can get the police involved and make him move back home, which will cause a big uproar, or you can just let him stay with his dad. You are the only one who knows what is best for him at this time. We don't know the situation he is in or what he is doing while he is away from you.

If you think he is going to get into trouble, possible ruining his future, I would make him move back home. If not, I would probably just let him stay with his dad and let it go till he turns 18.

When he gets older, he will understand what he has put you through and apologize, I'm sure.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

At 17 he could move and the law won't do anything about it because he is close enough to 18. Unfortunately, I would say let him make his mistakes, he'll be back. You've taught him right from wrong and at this point, he wants so badly to be an adult that nothing you say will probably matter anyhow. You know your son better than anyone. If you think you can eventually get through to him, I would try again and again until you hit a nerve and he listens. Otherwise, it's a waiting game.

Answer 6

If you got custody of your child you can take away his car. It does not matter who gave it to him you are the parent and you have custody of your child. He can always take the car to his father's house and leave it till you give him permission to drive again. If he is in trouble with the law and you have custody of him the judge is going to expect him to be living with you on the court date. If he gets probation his probation officer is going to give him a curfew to be home and call him at night to make sure he is. If he screws his probation up he could be sent to juvenile or jail since he is almost 18. As for him not having a way to work if you take away his car, since his Dad lets him get away with every thing tell your son his Dad can take him to work. If he is in trouble with the law, I do not care how little or small you should punish him. He needs to learn to respect your rules and to respect you. He is 17 years old and even at 18 a boy still needs his mother. Good luck on this. I was bad about disrespecting my Mother when I was 17 and now regret it. I have 3 children of my own I am trying to raise now and know how hard it is

Answer 7

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence until you climb that fence and actually graze there.

Leave him alone. Do yourself a favor and let him live with his dad. But make sure the consequences of his actions are his to own and don't do anything for him that you don't have to.

And a piece of advice. A 17yr old with a car and a girlfriend across the state is a powerful combination. Don't make so much of a big deal out of it, and don't let him know that his moving out is going to bother you. Just make sure he knows you are not a hotel and there is no revolving door.

Answer 8

I am sorry for what you are going through, as a little piece of advice he is growing up and he thinks he knows everything. Its that stage. It don't matter how old our children get they will always think they know better than us. Sometimes we need to sit back and not do anything it's that thing called tough love or live and learn. He will be back and if he don't hopefully he will find his own place and start realizing it's not that easy. I know how upset you are but sometimes the best things we can do is tell them we love them and that there on there own.... Things will get better have faith..

Answer 9

im 15, boy, and quite bad one. But i started to change when my mother cry out loud, she said all the things she felt and how sad she is im being like this. She's cry and beg for me. I felt so guilty and touch when she's hug me with all the tears. I kept my mouth shut at first for several days, not talking to her at all. It looks cold but honestly, i feel bad for her. I try to apologized to her but a bit shy and lastly she's the one who's done the talking. Then our relationship got back to normal and i've changed alot coz of it. So my point is, instead of scolding him, why dont u just do the sob scene (like my mom coz it really works out). But if he's such a big headed one, u have to take some pro advise like those counselors. But if that too didn't work out, you've reach the limit as a mom. Leave him coz he's grew up already.
You're a good mom.=)

Answer 10

properly it has constantly been like this because of the fact as young ones human beings have not gotten to the factor to comprehend you reason you haven't any longer outfitted up some thing to your existence as young ones seen as purely sons and daughters because of the fact have been nonetheless in school yet nonetheless have the recommendations of someone now its puzzling and respecting one yet another isn't in basic terms interior the teenage team its all walks of existence there besides the shown fact that it as much as you and that different individual to comprehend one yet another so existence gets better purely artwork problematic in school and the lecturers would comprehend you be type to others and that they would comprehend you.