I have a 16 year old daughter who acts as if she hates me. As she is my only child I feel it terribly. I ask her how her day was, she sighs as if bored and answers me in monosyllables, I ask her to unload the dishwasher, she ignores me, I ask her to put her dirty laundry in the hamper so I can wash it, it doesn't happen, I'm not allowed to go into her room. I come home after work and the house is a mess with dishes everywhere. I work 6 days a week to provide us a lovely home and no I dont say this to her but I am fast reaching my wits end. How do I get her to realise she has to help-at least clean up her own mess? It's putting immense pressure on our relationship. I ask for some of her time to do something together on Sundays and am told sorry it's the weekend! She asks for money that she will pay back and never does. What's going on? SHould we seek some counselling? Help!
2007-09-26 23:59:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
she is just being a typical teenager but its not unreasonable for you to get her to help around the house. she is 16 plenty old enough to wash her own clothes and help out. as for you not being allowed into her room in my opinion thats something you will have to respect. as long as there are no dishes or food in her room its her mess, if she wants to live in a pig sty then let her but she needs to be taught that she needs to clean up after herself in areas of the house that other people use like the kitchen etc.
if she doesnt put her clothes in the hamper then they dont get washed, who suffers? its not you. if she wants clean clothes, either she does it herself or she puts them in the hamper.
i went through this with my mom, there were many many arguments but in the end it got sorted.
i wouldnt let my mom in my room coz it was the only space i had to my self. i was responsible for this and it took months for my mom to understand this.
try to sit down and talk to her about this, make a compromise, you wont go into her room if she cleans up after herself around the house. as for giving her money forget it. she doesnt deserve it, if she cant be bothered to clear up after herself why should she be rewarded.
personally i dont think you need counselling. its typical things and provided she isnt being bullied or abused and shes acting out because of this you will get through it. i presume she isnt being violent towards you because if she does you might want to consider counselling to deal with the anger issues.
explain to her how you feel and maybe she will open up to her, remember she is going through a tough time age wise and its not always easy to communicate how you feel.
2007-09-27 00:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by miriam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've let this go too far. You should respect her by not going in her room and going through her stuff, but as for not being allowed in her room...it's your house and YOU make the rules. Ground her if she does not clean up after herself or just start planting yourself in her room and driving her nuts with the condition if she respects you by cleaning up her mess that you will respect her by staying out of her room. If she want's to keep her room a mess, then fine, as long as their are no dirty dishes. As for the clothes, quit washing her clothes and when she keeps running out, she'll eventually do her own. As for the money thing, time for her to get a job.
Remember, you are the adult, not her. I know it's hard when you're at work most of the time but if you don't get the reigns in now, you never will. I hope that it hasn't gotten too far.
2007-09-27 09:23:04 · answer #2 · answered by Button 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a typical teenager. You need to set boundaries for her. Tell her that she is not allowed to leave the house until she cleans up her mess. If she wants to go out, the work has to be done. Don't loan or give her money if she does not cooperate. Tell her that you will help her, when she starts treating you with respect and helping you.
As far as her room goes, it is not her house, it is YOURS, and as long as she lives in your house and you pay the bills, you are allowed to go into any room in it!!!
Put your foot down or it is going to get worse!! I did, and my daughter said she hated me at first. A couple of years later, she thanked me. Now that she is dealing with a teenager of her own, she really understands. She even called me the other day and said, "Mom my worse fears have come to pass. I have turned into you." She laughed and told me that she was hearing herself tell her daughter the same things I used to tell her.
By the way, it did not harm her one bit. She is a successful school teacher, and they (she and my son-in-law) own a very successful business too!!
2007-09-27 07:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a typical 16 year old girl,ask me Im a mother of one,but for starters as for not going in the room,you have evry right I personally call cys and actually as long as she has a room like a bathroom with a closing door to get dressed in you do not have to even have a door on her bedroom,thats one thing I did to my daughter and boy did that make a change in her attitude once I took a stand.Its your house and you pay the bills you have the right to know whats brought in your home as well as whats going on.Second dont give her that money,she old enough to go get a job and earn her own money,dont do all those extras,I know its hard cause its your kid and your used to doing it but as soon as you start treating her with the respect that shes giving you,at first its a struggle but eventually things start changing for the better. They need to feel the way you feeling and when you no longer give in and have time for them they will change.
2007-09-27 09:07:41 · answer #4 · answered by Tammy S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not "allowed' to go into her room? Excuse me, it's YOUR house and you tell her you pay the rent or whatever and you go in there whether she likes it or not. It's not you, it's her and that darn teenage stage. My 15 year old has a job and pays his own way, doesn't ask me for money anymore, my daughter on the other hand is 12 and she won't pick up stuff either, she just goies "why do I have to do everything?' And I tell her she doesn't do anything, then she gets mad.
2007-09-27 07:27:34 · answer #5 · answered by freedom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, your daughter HAS a problem. You love her? Then do this;
1. ignore her coz right now she thinks that she does not need you (except for money)
2. don't show her that you care 'bout her
Someday, she'll look out for you. Sometimes, parents love their child too much, I don't blame you, but at this time you need to be MEAN to her.
Act like you bored with her.!
Make her do the chores by caning her / grounding her! Be a 'no mercy' dad! (until she changes_)
2007-09-27 07:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by L-kuza H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need 2 disiplin her and i rekon councilling may be a good option for you
best of luck and cheer up things will get better!!
:)
xxxxx
2007-09-27 07:30:48 · answer #7 · answered by x <3 Laurz <3 x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"maybe you've spoiled your doughter mam,
or she have a problem on you,ask what realy happened to her, and if she doesn't want to,
do your job as a parent!"
2007-09-27 07:29:19 · answer #8 · answered by bike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋