I have several brother in laws and sister in laws. Everytime they invite us over for dinner or something they always tell us to bring all our kids. Well when we dont bring our daughter they get mad and go tell their dad and then he calls us and yells at us. It's like they think they own our kids and have the right to tell us what to do. They always get mad and jealous when our kids spend time with my parents. They think they should be the only ones they spend time with. Do you think this is messed up or is it just me???
2007-09-26 23:19:25 · 7 answers · asked by jennifer_currey2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yeah I think it's more messed up because my husband allows this behaviour. He will not get a backbone and stand up for me or his family. They treat both of us like crap and he just wont see it that way.
2007-09-26 23:31:06 · update #1
Stop socializing with them. And if you do continue, the very minute they open their mouth, leave.
Your husband is not the only one without a backbone.
2007-09-26 23:59:41 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No Way:
You are looking at this all wrong.
It is your in-laws job to be obnoxious and interfering. If they did not behave this way they would be acting without love. They love you so much that they must embarrass you into standing on your own and becoming a family under your own roof.
What they are doing is giving you reasons to develop your social skills so that you can pick good friends to spend your time with.
If they didn't do this for you, the chances of you just drifting along and getting comfortable could be an impairment to your family development.
They are also teaching you to be picky when listening to advice. Without them you would not recognize bad advice.
They are teaching you the value of staying home and avoiding busy buddies.
finding that every thing can be used as a learning experience is a great value.
Here is an old saying that pretty much sums it up.
Every one who passes through my door blesses me,
Some by coming,
Some by leaving,
The choice is yours, which will it be.
Good luck
2007-09-27 06:41:58 · answer #2 · answered by noyoungun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the mother for your kids and you are the person who definitely should take part in their lives. Not only your husband, but you.
In most cases, in-laws choose the side of their son/daughter (thats of course), rarely when in-laws totally support and accept what the wife/husband of their child says or does. They will always ask from their child first, and then they may simply forget about you and your presence in life.
Usually it happens, when they don't feel your personality as a strong person. Especially when there are many of them and only you, who are alone. I mean to say, that your husband don't support your point of view - and it is the most hard thing ever.
If he doesn't support you, then you should support yourself more. Just don't be afraid to speak out everything you think is worth to tell them. If you feel like telling, that they are too much involved in the lives of your kids - tell them this and don't feel guilty in front of your husband and his family, as this is your life. You can't always listen to people around you without taking in account your personal feelings.
Think about yourself and respect your point of view, as the prime point of view. Let them tell you things in return, - listen to them, don't interrupt. If there won't be any conclusion, ask how would they solve the problem and obviously they will keep telling about themselves and their wishes, cut that off, make the point on that and on them only. Tell how they behave and what they do. Don't show that you are hurted, be strong and simply tell that you are the mother for these kids and by all means you are the person to take care of them and of the situation.
I wish you all the best!!
*
2007-09-27 08:42:27 · answer #3 · answered by (✿◡‿◡✿) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a clash between their wish and your possessiveness. I think you are a person of a little high degree of arrogance. " Why they want to ask about my kids, It is my wish to bring them or not" that kinda thoughts are ruling over you. But you forgot to see other part. Why they wanted to see your kids. Did they never see kids in their life? That means they have soft corner with your kids. Normally they get the chance to see them when you are going to them. When you are not taking them with you, they just become upset and just to quench their heat, they report it to the elder. He also will have the feeling that he has the right and freedom to scold you.
My dear, better not to have much attachment to anybody, even to our kids. Tommorrow your own kids will belong to somebody. That time this attachment will take the form of jealousy and contempt. If you feel that your in laws have the right to love your kids, just let them do it. You are not loosing anything. The children will gain it also from the love and affection they get.
Bear it in mind that, tomorrow you also will become an In-law. As per the world drama rule, "Whatever you sow, you will reap it"
2007-09-27 06:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by Surettan S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They are your kids. Tell your husband to grow a back bone. They need to but out and let you raise your kids. and if hubby don't grow a set maybe it is time for you to make some noise. If they are going to talk about you they might as well have a reason right.
2007-09-27 07:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by soulmate_n_nc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's totally messed up. Stop going to see your inlaws, and tell your partner to stand up to them!!
He /She should NOT let his relatives yell at you or ANYTHING of the kind. Seriously, just don't go to dinner with them anymore, if they ask why, tell them it's because you are uncomfortable with their immature behaviour, and you don't want to be around them, and you don't want your children to be around them.
Definitely make sure your partner puts up a united front with you. Really, he or she should SO not let them treat you that way!
2007-09-27 06:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by myleslr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's definately wrong. It would only take one time for them to yell at me. I'd yell back and they would not like what I would say.
2007-09-27 08:17:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋