my wife died last year - I got no support from most people at all. Only 2 people were there for me, and both were out of state. nobody here. everyone waited until I called them, but I wasn't in any condition to go and call everyone for a long time. And then what do you say when nobody says anything to you for a year or more. why should I have to go and call everyone when my wife dies? but everyone expected me to call them. It's just insane. you just aren't in any condition to do so. I couldn't believe how thoughtless people were. It just blows my mind. I shouldn't be shunned just because people don't know what to say. I didn't do anything wrong. I just don't understand why people have responded the way they did.
2007-09-26 21:40:26 · 8 answers · asked by art_flood 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It's probably because people suck. Most people don't like being uncomfortable. So, instead of being in an awkward situation, they just avoid it all together.
It's not easy to forgive and forget, but all I ask is that you don't let it make you bitter.
Offense is taken not given.
Even when people suck.
2007-09-26 21:46:21 · answer #1 · answered by wxyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly it is very sad to hear of the death of your wife. I hope you are feeling stronger and working through the grief. Grief is a misunderstood process and death is very rarely handled well. It is a great shame that family and friends were not more supportive of you in a time of need. It is a time that you need others around and taking the initiative as you come to terms with the loss of someone precious and all the accompanying adjustments. People are thoughtless or appear so because they haven't experienced loss, they don't know what to say or do, they might feel awkward because you are more vulnerable than usual. You didn't do anything wrong. You have just experienced one of life's toughest times. All the best for your future.May I suggest you send your out of state friends a gift card or acknowledgement of some sort for the support they offered last year.
2007-09-27 04:54:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mim 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps these people thought it best to let you come to terms with your grief by yourself and that you would contact them if and when you were ready to do so. I would not be capable of treating a friend or family member in this manner however, and personally, I would expect the normal support from family and friends in your situation. Sometimes you find out about what people are really like when you're in trouble.
Sorry for your loss.
2007-09-27 04:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It made me sad reading your email....your right, friends should step up and be there for you, support you. I think what happens sometimes is people just dont know what to say, maybe frightened of saying the wrong thing. In the end, it just comes down to not knowing how to deal with it.............but I understand how hurt you must feel.I lost my mother last year and also noticed friends dropping off, it hurt me alot.....but it also showed me my true friends. True friends are there for you no matter what......good AND bad times. Try joining a club or taking up a sport and just keep getting out, it gets easier with time, and this time, choose your friends wisely :) Goodluck *hugs*
2007-09-27 04:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for your loss.
That's just it some people are thoughtless!
Maybe you should try to get some concealing
Try joining a group for people who have lost love ones.
2007-09-27 04:53:26 · answer #5 · answered by Presto's Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is an elephant in the room
and no one wants to talk about it
There is a poem about this
people are no longer trained by family on how to handle death and the surviors, yet society goes on
respects
2007-09-27 04:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by Carl P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the poor villages in the philippines when somebody dies everbody comes out and cries with you.
in the cities they don't do that anymore, and now nobody knows what to do. everyone is embarrassed of making a wrong move
2007-09-27 04:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by bitoy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's horrible. I'm so very sorry for your loss, and the fact that people are affraid to comfort you. If you're still having difficulties I would seek out other people who can relate to your loss. Sometimes complete strangers will comfort you more, than the people you know...
2007-09-27 04:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by TMama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋