Even though this guy apologies for raping me should I still take him to court even when he is a friend of ours

Question

this guy apologied to us all but I have to go to meet with the grand jury oct 3rd, the only thing that is stoppin me is that he has a 5 year old daughter, and since he is on 2nd degree charges for sodomy and child molestation he could serve up tp 15-35 years in prison and I want him to be in his daughters life, but then again i don't know if he has done this to other gurls I am 17 and come to think of it, he did blame me and say I made sexual advances...So Hard question tough answers throw it all at me what you guys think

Please dont be rude this is hard for me it happend in June, 3 days later we filed to press charges it took them 5 months before transfering the case to sex crimes division now that I have met with the general I have to go to meet with the jury, so Please no rudeness I need advice or oppinions, so apologies count in this matter?? or should I go on with it, I have had 5 people tell me to go on with it because they said I would regret it in the long run. so should I?

Answer 1

You are a rape victim. Apology is fine but he need to be tried and if convicted face the consequences of his actions. His daughter can visit him in jail. He may do this to his daughter if you do not pursue this crime in court. It sends the wrong message, otherwise. I am a rape victim also and when in court the rapist (one of my mother's boyfriend) had such a smug look on his face. He also apologized and threatened to leave my mom if we pursued it. He got five years and must register as a sex offender. My rape was five years ago.....

Answer 2

Sky, i worked with survivors of sexual violence for 15 years, in and out of the court system.

First of all, not knowing what jurisdiction you are in, or how the prosecutor's office operates there, i can still tell you the law.

The choice is not yours. You are (i'm sorry to say), a witness in a criminal proceeding and not the one who makes or dismisses charges. The decision is ultimately up to the DA or Prosecuting Atty. Some will let it drop if the victim becomes uncooperative, but most will not. It is the state against him... not as in a civil proceeding where you are the plaintiff.

As far as cooperating, giving your statement and doing all you can to make sure that justice is done - think about it. Being sorry does not undo anything. Good, if he is sincere, then fine, but this man is a repeat offender and WILL NOT stop just because he is "sorry". If you back out on your statement, make the case harder to win, you fail the next victim - and YES, there will be one.

He needs to pay the price of his actions, face the consequences of his behavior. I have no problem saying that I don't think "sorry" is good enough. Don't contribute to the next person's pain. Do all you can to see that he faces his own behavior.

And gentle thoughts, honey. I know it's hard but I promise, it is the right thing.

Answer 3

well this is a very difficult question, you are faced with two choices. You can either a. not charge him and go on with it, forgive and forget although it will be hard for you to forget. or you can go with b. charge him and make sure he will never do this again, he will probably have to complete a series of counseling meetings and pay a fine. But he will probably never do it again, without the counseling it is likely he will do it again. Or you can say no charges as long as he completes counseling and the counselor says he has changed. If you feel you want the revenge and for him to pay up for the crime than charge him. I will tell you rite now it is painful and a long and stressful process but when they get punished the feeling is indescribable. If you are having problems with the rape i strongly reccomend you read the book lucky by alice sebold. it is about a woman who was raped and she pressed charges, she describes everything and its really a good book.

Answer 4

You may be saving his daughter's life. You are not likely his first victim and won't be his last if you don't do what needs to be done. If you're not sure of the likelyhood you're his only victim ask some officers in the sex crimes division how many repeat offenders they typically get. How many offenders eventually admit to even more crimes?
He had a chance to think about his daughter, he had a chance to think about you. He didn't. Your life will never be the same if he gets out in 15 years you will have likely see less suffering from this event but it will never be gone. You have a life sentence. Imagine if that little girl suffers the fate you currently suffer.

Answer 5

you need to go all the way with this, what happened was wrong. and you don't want to look back in a few years when your an adult and regret not doing anything while you had the chance.
him having a daughter he shouldn't have done that in the first place, he knew the consequences and did it anyways. so she would be better off without a father than the chance of him harming her too.
apologies dont count in this matter. your a teen ager and he doesn't deserve to get away with this. best of luck!

Answer 6

let me tell you i was raped too and never done any thing about it and i do regret it to this day.you have to think of what you said. he has a daughter he could do it to her.please do not tell me that wouldnt happen between dad and daughter or brother and sisters cuz it does. please go on with it. the only reason he's probably saying he's sorry is cuz he wants you to drop it.if he did it once he'll do it again if he already hasnt.you will live with it the rest of your live if you do nothing. did he think of his daughter and what could happen when he did this. did he think of your feelings and how you felt as it was happening. sorry dear your writing this and me seeing it brings out alot of emotions for me. and it was 4 different family members and a stranger in my sistuation. it started when i was 8 and i am 48 now and it still haunts me to this day and if i had to do it all over again i would of turned them in.please do not let it go .if you do not wish to see him do jail time than suggest to the courts he does some kind of reabilatation or counlsing and you should get some counsling your self. good luck1 PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR OUTCOME.

Answer 7

How does your family feel about it? Forget his daughter & being in her life, he should have tho't about that when he disreprected you so badly. His daughter doesn't even deserve to be a part of his life! AND, how many others could he have done this to who just haven't come forward? How many others w/he try to do this on beside you? This man is NOT "normal" he is sick, just like others who are sick in different ways. He's done it to you that you know of, how many more are going to suffer IF you don't follow threw w/the truth. How wld. you feel IF you didn't speak your facts, & come to find out he does it to someone else?! Yea, rite, some kind of "friend" of yours is he! If you have him for a friend, you sure don't need emenys Just think of all the hurt & humiliation you've gone thru because of him! Do what your heart tells you to do, & do the thing you KNOW IS RITE. AGAIN, THIS MAN IS SICK. He didn't think of YOU when he was abusing you. He MUST BE STOPPED. You can do it. You must do what you know is rite.

Answer 8

Are you seriously asking this question? Apologies DO NOT COUNT coming from a man like THAT. He has child molestation charges, and you are afraid of taking him AWAY from his daughter, and PREVENTING, or putting a stop to what he might be doing now, or eventually end up doing?

Answer 9

You didn't do anything wrong. Of course he's sorry, now! After the fact. Don't feel guilty about what's going to happen to him because of his wrong actions. I'm sorry you have to feel bad about doing the right thing. And I'm sorry this has happened to you. No one deserves this. And you didn't deserve this. This guy should be punished.

It's not up to you that he's in his daughter's life. It was up to him. And he chose the wrong actions. And even so, he doesn't sound like he's a great influence for her any way.

Please, go to court. And pray for the strength you need to do the right thing. Please see a counselor to get over this pain and so you can stop feeling like you owe this guy any favors. He's not a nice person. Good luck!

Answer 10

Take him to court. Chances are he has done this to others and god forbid,he may do it to his own daughter. He blamed you for his actions is typical of the rapist mentality.The "she wanted it or she wouldnt have said,wore,done that" excuse.

Appologies do NOT count in this matter. This is RAPE.He FORCED himself on you. What If you allow him to get away with it and he rapes some one else??How will you feel then.How sincere was that appology? Could you live with yourself knowing that you could have prevented it??

Now about that appology,did he appologies after he was reported or right after IT happened???Chances are it was when he was reported.

Remember,he said he blamed you,so why was their an appology if he felt he did nothing wrong and it was your fault?

Look, I don't know if you feel sorry for this creep or are just scared and looking for an excuse to not go to court.Being scared is natural and it takes guts to go as far as you have....Don't let him get away with it because chances are he will do it again.

Don't worry about his daughter...chances are you are saving her by keeping him away from her.