My college professor is in his early 30s and I'm in my late teens. We are both adults. He is not married, has no kids, and is very attractive. Recently, he started gaining an interest in me and compliments me on my perfume, has asked me to go with him for coffee, has asked me out for a bite to eat, winked at me, etc.. I haven't gone out with him yet. I just told him that I'll call him when I don't have any plans. But he is very persuasive..
I've never had a boyfriend before and I don't want to get in trouble for dating him but we have this strong chemistry. Should I quit taking his classes and date him? I need this course for credit. What if dating him doesn't work out. Will he flunk me? There's too many what ifs and I don't know what to do! Help!
2007-09-26 16:19:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Please give me constructive advice. No simple answers. Thanks!
2007-09-26 16:24:03 · update #1
I said I'm in my late teens, not late twenties. WTF?
2007-09-26 16:35:40 · update #2
I am 18 and a half
2007-09-26 16:43:39 · update #3
Help I need more answers! Hell no, I can't tell my parents. My friends aren't much help either so I am asking here.
2007-09-26 16:44:57 · update #4
It is immoral unethical and almost certainly against college policy for this man to hit on you, even if YOU had started it; he has to GRADE you; he can neither be objective not appear objective in whatever grade he now gives you, or anyone else in that class.
Write down everything you can remember from the beginning. Because he sounds dumb enough to be vindictive if for any rational or irrational reason he becomes unhappy with you. I'd suggest you talk confidentally to one of HIS peers or better yet a dean, not a classmate, to get a perspective on this and him. How can you focus in class, or any interest in the subject or field, or feel that any grade you get is not due to his desire to use you?
Stupid man could have waited until you were not his student. Are you 18+ at least or is he utterly brain dead? Even if you are, he has a LOT of incentive to hide this or discredit you if he thinks the administration will object to his breaking the rules; but he is apparently too dumb to be discreet or patient, until the relationship is NOT one of such skewed influence and responsibility.
For the record, I am NOT against pre- or extra-marital sex between consenting adults, and do not think sex is a sin. My objection is his betrayal of you and his teaching responsibilities - you can do so much better than this guy!
2007-09-26 16:31:53 · answer #1 · answered by SC 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My best advice in this situation is, wait. I'll explain. I am the last one who would ever discourage you for pursuing the hope of something wonderful like love with another person. However, some of the previous answerers have made very good points that I have to agree with. If the two of you got into a relationship right now, succeeding in that class could become very difficult for you if things went south between you and the professor. If things went well for the two of you, he does run the risk of losing his job. Either way it's likely you'll be talked about, rumors will spread, and you'll be painted as a suck-up who sleeps with professors for better grades. I realize that isn't what this is at all, but unfortunately that's how some of your meaner classmates would tell it. Still, to connect with another human being is such a wonderful thing, and I'd be sorry for you to have to lose that with your professor. Part of me wants to say, "quit the class for him", but you need the credits and I think you'd regret dropping out later. Which brings me to my advice for you: wait. While right now isn't the best time for the two of you to be in a relationship, who says something can't happen in the future? When you are no longer his student, no worries. You can explore a relationship with him as you please. For now, go ahead and meet him for coffee. Be his friend. If he expresses a want for more than friendship, explain your position and how, while you're definitely attracted to him and want to pursue a relationship with him, you feel that it would be best for the both of you to wait until you're no longer in that class. He should respect that. I sympathize with you for being in such a situation. Love is such a complicated and unpredictable thing - like a bolt of lightening. I wish you both the best, and I know you'll do what you deem best for you and your professor.
2016-05-19 21:26:27 · answer #2 · answered by letitia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who is a college professor (he's 60, though). This man has a history at his college for hitting on young female students. He was my sister's professor and hit on and even kissed her in his office. I wouldn't be surprised if your professor has a similar history. No, you should not go out with him. You wouldn't get in trouble, but he could! That's totally inappropriate on his part. My friend's behavior is also inappropriate (I'm not excusing him!). Yes, he has issues! Because I know someone like your professor, I can tell you that this will not end in a long term relationship. He will pursue you until you give in and when he thinks he has you, he'll move on to the next young girl. This is exactly what my friend does. I thought I would be different, but I wasn't. We dated for awhile, but then he moved on to the next girl....a student this time. I was never his student or even a student at the school (my sister was which is how we met) so even though I'm 28 and he's 60, our relationship was okay in that way. Teachers should not be friends (or more) with their students...period. End of story. It's not right. It creates a conflict of interest. He cannot be objective in grading regardless of what he says...unless it's matching or something that the answer can't be disputed. If you think you like him, wait until you graduate. Please email if you want and I can tell you more.
2007-09-27 11:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you enjoy his attentions, it is not harassment. That is, if you are the first for him. If you're another in a long line, skip the rest of this and look into filing a harassment claim.
But you are right to be concerned.
I've had it from the other end, students asking me out.
I always tell them that it is not allowed while they are students.
If your school is big enough, you might ask if there is another section you could transfer into.
If not, you might tell him that you don't want anyone in class thinking you're getting special treatment and that you know someone would find out.
If he still pressures you, THEN there is a problem.
If he's cool with that, it might work out fine. Age differences are not always a problem.
2007-09-27 12:15:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bucky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not trying to be condescending here, I swear...
Welcome to the world of big-girls...unfortunately for you your indoctrination is going to be a bit difficult if you choose to take an active role in this.
You are going to have to tell him that you are flattered by his attention, but you feel that it is a bit inappropriate or that you are uncomfortable with the personal nature of his interactions with you considering you are a student in his course...
Or you can tell him that you would be interested in "speaking with him" after the course but as his student you would prefer to not be involved on a personal level.
Your other option is to speak with your advisor and explain what is going on. Ask him/her to allow you to drop the class and enroll in a different course as you don't wish to have any negative repercussions for rejecting his advances. The school doesn't want a lawsuit and they will undoubtedly accommodate.
I will just be honest and say that any professor who is willing to cross the line and risk his job to hit on a student probably isn't above behaving in a vindictive manner towards you if things don't work out and something like that can really ruin the college experience--word gets around quickly....
Just consider your actions carefully and if it feels uncomfortable, not right--or even "iffy" don't do it.
Good luck!
2007-09-26 18:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart!
His conduct is inappropriate! Chemistry or not, he is your Professor and you are his student. You are wayyyyy to young to be going anywhere with this man. If you are not at least 18, he is guilty of intent and you need to report his conduct immediately to the Dean. They can either put you with a different instructor or refund your money.
He could lose his job and or go to jail if he doesn't knock it off. You might like to remind him of that. Get the stars out of your eyes and straighten up fast.
This could ruin your future chances in college as well because it will be on your record if it is found out and you did nothing to stop it. Where are your parents?
2007-09-26 16:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by talondora 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Tell him that you would very much like to see him, but that you don't think it's a good idea while he is your instructor. At the end of the semester, if he is still interested, the two of you can go out.
2007-09-26 16:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you're in your late twenties and he is in his early thirties, -he is obviously not that much older than you. Are you attracted to him?...if so, give it shot-but only after you drop the course. Is there any other professor teaching the same coursE?..if so, drop it and sign up for a different lecture or wait until next quarter, if you can't now. Things could get sticky--if you do both at once, so think before you act. What I advised, is something that I would do.
2007-09-26 16:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
It could be an interesting life experience if you are dealing with a stable man that was truly interested in you, but what if he has a history of serial dating his students. This guy could be one episode shy of a predator. Be honest and upfront with him as long as there is a student teacher relationship you should keep it that way and get a read on how much he respects your boundaries.
2007-09-26 16:27:11 · answer #9 · answered by Rational Humanist 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Technically, he shouldn't be crossing the line like that. If this is unwanted attention...and even if it isn't...this IS sexual harrassment. This shouldn't have any influence on your grade of whether you go out with him or not. Is there another class you can take. Most importantly, is there a college counselour that you can confide in who is not in that field? Talk to them. But, NO! you shouldn't have to go out with him for the grade.
2007-09-26 16:24:16 · answer #10 · answered by ~~~Tara~~~ 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋