X puts soap in 3yr mouth for being sassy said I am to do the same I will not It now a battle what 2 do? Call?

Question

I went through a bad bad divorce X did whatever she could do to try and keep me from our daughter. She ran me through the mud I attended class after class and did whatever she demanded me to do! Now she tells me that she puts soap on our daughters mouth for saying "I Hate you" and said I am to do the same and went on about how it won't work unless I do it also, I WILL NOT! Its going to be yet another fight. Am I wrong? What to do??

Update: We both attended Kids First and we both attended parenting classes and I did some parenting classes on my own. per her request just to try and make things go smoother. I was willing to learn whatever I could.

Update should have said Additional Information. Sorry!

Answer 1

A 3 yr old is not old enough or mature enough to think out consequences before acting on a thought. It takes repetition- lots of it- for a 3 yr old to remember cause and effect. You are right- your ex is SO very wrong! When your daughter misbehaves, get down on her level- eye to eye- and tell her firmly, but quietly, that what she did/said is inappropriate and she must NOT do it again. Then put her in a place to think about it for a few minutes. After she can come to you and verbalize what she did wrong and apologize, she can continue being a terrific little girl and playing and having fun! You have to teach her how to tell you and how to apologize by saying something like, "did you tell daddy that you hated him" "yes" "that's not a nice thing to say and it hurts my feelings. If you are angry with me, you could say, daddy, I'm mad at you right now. Now, please tell daddy that you're sorry" "sorry, daddy" Ok, I love you- now let's go play again! THIS is the kind of discipline a toddler needs NOT soap in the mouth! Just be sure to be consistent with this form of discipline as "consistency" is the only thing your ex is right about!

Answer 2

When soap is put in the mouth it mixes with saliva and the child could swallow the soap/saliva. This could make the child sick. There are a lot of ingredients and perfumes in soaps today.


For your 3 year old to be shouting "I hate you" at her mom it sounds like she is trying to express some feelings, maybe feelings she doesn't understand. Throwing a bar of soap in the child's mouth for expressing her feelings isn't going to accomplish anything except for making her more upset and angry. The most logical thing would be for her mom to sit down and ask her why she said that. After listening she could then explain that "I hate you" is a very ugly thing to say and that her feelings were hurt.

Answer 3

What a sad situation for your daughter. No one should be putting soap in a three-year-old's mouth. I agree with one of the other answerers- you need to record her demanding that you do this. But, something isn't sounding right- ex-wives can't demand that you attend classes. What kind of classes did you have to attend? Was it by Court order? I get the feeling that there is something missing in your version of things. I feel really sorry for your daughter in all this.

Answer 4

"she demanded me to do! Now she tells me that she puts soap on our daughters mouth for saying "I Hate you" and said I am to do the same and went on about how it won't work unless I do it also" Is this YOUR ex wife or YOUR mommie? LOL. IF your ex went to parenting classes then she would have learned that they do NOT advocate using soap in the mouth, in fact they consider it child abuse. What to do when she ORDERS you to use the soap in the mouth method simply tell her that you will not abuse your child and if she continues to do so you will inform child protection that she is doing so. Small children get mouthy when they don't get their way, the best thing to do is to ignore the mouth, when my daughter said "I hate you" I simply told her to remember that at dinner time when she was hungry and the rest of us were having pizza...

Answer 5

My husband and I disagree on parenting methods a lot. You will definately run into this again. I wouldn't be so drastic as to call cps because it will cause more problems between you and your ex. I would try this approach, come up with alternative punishments, ways to deal with this behavior. Mabye even ask for help in anouther question here. Go to your ex and plan on having a calm discussion about it. Explain that you don't want to fight, but you can't agree with this method because. . .and I've come up with some ideas to discuss with you. Don't say I want to do it this way or else as she has. This will lead to a fight! If she starts getting angry, assure her again that you don't want to fight about it, and remain calm. This may or may not work, I don't know your ex, but the fact that you put some thought into alternative methods should impress her enough to at least listen to what you have to say. My son went through this phase and at first I tried to punish him (TO). It didn't work, so I began replying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, Iove you". When he didn't get a rise out of me, he quit trying. He still will say it on occassion and when he got older I gave him an alternative to say. "I don't like what you did" is it basically. I explained that I know he loves me, it's what I did he doesn't like, so please say it in those terms. Even when I thought he might not understand I'd say back to him, "I know that you love me and you're just unhappy I grounded you right now." That is basically how I dealt with my son. Please try not to fight with the ex as much as possible. Certaintly keep it away from your daughter. I'm a child of divorce and my parents always put us kids in the middle. I wish they'd acted more like adults should. Good luck, I hope you can resolve this w/o it turning ugly! Btw, I don't agree with the soap thing, I think I've heard of children being harmed from it. My parents did use the method and she probably believes in it. Just get her to consider something else if possible.

Answer 6

This is a CPS issue, but the fact that you are divorced gives your report less weight. Is there any other adult who knows what she has done? A three year old who tells someone she hates them is not being naughty, she is being honest but doesn't understand the strength of her words. She needs to be taught more appropriate ways to express her anger. Go ahead and make the report, and also ask your lawyer if having the child examined by a neutral psychologist might help.

Answer 7

well kudos to you for doing whatever you could to keep your daughter in your life! however, you and this woman divorced for a reason, and you obviously saw things in her that you could not longer live with. It sounds to me like a control issue. It is as though your ex is trying to get you to do something she knows she could turn you in for to take your parenting rights away. do you know for sure she is using soap on your daughter, or is she just asking you to so she can turn you in for doing it? I would tell her you are recording your next conversation, and always try to keep documents of what she is saying or doing with your child. You do have rights as a father, and you could take her to court and have her parenting time lessened for fear that she will harm your daugther. Do not succomb to this womans wishes just becuase she feels it is right. Not all women are good mothers, and parenting takes 2!!! she has no right to put demands on you, yuo're a grown man. speak to your lawyer about her, and take her to court. sounds like this woman is more bitter and focused on you two seperating than she is the well-being of her own child. And if your little girl is telling mommy that she hates her, there is a reason for it. Toddlers are not born with hatred, it is taugth and learned by experience. if she feels this strongly for her mother, it makes me wonder what else is going on in that house that you don't know about. get moving before something worse happens.

Answer 8

people will tell you yes that is wrong and others will agree that that is a good form of punishment for the child! so that is just a argument in its self. every couple whether they are divorced or not will argue about how to raise there children, you will probably find that more things will come up that you both dont agree on. so really to save all the fighting you need to explain this to her that you dont agree with the way she punishes your child but you dont want to fight with her either and therefor you need to agree to disagree. because at the end of the day she will win everytime as she is the mother.

Answer 9

Report her *** to child protective services! It doesn't take all that to get a child to stop saying something like that. Just sit the little girl down and explain to her that it's not good or nice to say I hate you to anybody! Let her know that if you find out she's making your daughter eat soap again that you're reporting her, it's wrong!

Answer 10

Dont do it. Does she tell you she hates you, or does she just tell her mother. Actually I think putting soap in the childs mouth could constitute as abuse. I am not sure though. You should get a backbone and stand up to your X. Dont harm your child because it will cause a fight.