Holding on to my last family member by a very thin thread ...and need encouragement.?

Question

After conflict over claims of childhood sexual abuse by 2 sisters & me ...I was shut out by 4 siblings & my father.

I remained in relationship with my mother (with cancer) and 2 sisters (with cancer & mental illness) for 3 yrs.

However they participated in excluding me from family events & news (incl. the pregnancy of a sister) & it was too painful for to stay in communication.

That left me with one brother living OS with whom I had no contact for a few yrs. I contacted him a yr ago...perhaps seeing him as my last white hope. Was told his wife was 8 mths pregnant...another surprise. Ouch. Yet we began to re-connect with occasional confused anger from him as I revealed my story.

Then his first child was born in Jan....disabled. I found out from his blog.

I sent messages of love & support. His responses were grateful, but distant & cold. More recently, he has been aggressive again as he believes I have caused pain to our elderly parents.

Time to say last goodbye? Help

Answer 1

I am very sorry to hear this and don't you sometimes just want to shake your head and wonder why your family behaves the way they do?

It sounds like you are going to have to let him go also. I don't think anyone should have to continually take anymore abuse especially from a family member.

You reached out, made the first move to get him back into your life and he is being non responsive. He also sounds like he has a lot of anger still inside him, plus the new baby has to be draining with being disabled, he may or may not be having marital problems.

But no matter what is or is not going on with your brother, you did what you could and you did the right thing. That way when you do say good-bye, you'll know you tried.
Let him know you love him and have missed him an if he ever needs you, you are there for him....(and leave it at that)

Good luck ~

Answer 2

I have read your previous questions and think that you must come to terms with your past or at least your perception of the past. I am not in a position to say if the past is the truth or your perception of the truth.I do think you feel torn by the breakdown in family ties and think you are looking for some peace and sense of connnection.The demons that torment you today will be there unless these issues are addressed.You could try councelling which may provide you with some answers and methods of dealing with the past. You must find a way to start loving yourself so you can heal When you can do that you will regain control of your life back..You can continue to extend the hand of friendship to your brother and at least you will know that you have at least tried . You deserve a life without guilt and pain.Take the first steps to help yourself first.Take care.

Answer 3

What has let go of you in anger is not in your control.
Inspiration, what you let go of, usually comes back to you.
Give them time to deal with this in there way.
I told you, please stop dwelling on them, no control over it, all you have is control over yourself. My mother passed may 05(cancer) and I didn't or was unable to say goodbye. Let it go for now. Tell them your sorry, leave it alone. Until the time is right. Don't regret never being able to say goodbye while they are still alive. As hard as this sounds, it is maybe for the best. I love and forgave my Dad. It has brought healing, but every day is a healing process. It is harder to want every one to face it like you, easier to just let it be for now. believe goog in the end will come about. It isn't doing you any good holding on to a very painful incident, is it?

Answer 4

Hi... i can relate well to a lot of what you say...

My sisters and i no longer speak, i have a mental illness, my mother died of cancer (that was when everything blew up and my sisters stopped talking to me, because of greed)... and my father abused me... they were there; however they are in denial... i dont talk to my father, either.

i am fortunate to have two wonderful sons who love me, and who attribute their success and their ability to cope with issues to me.... their happiness and stability was my greatest accomplishment -- even though i'm mentally ill.

I'm very sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Sometimes we have to do things which are painful in order to protect ourselves, even if it means severing family ties.

hugs