Are manners dead? I'm so frustrated!?

Question

I am a college student, and it seems like manners are completely dead. Every day in class, there are at least six people chewing gum, and if that weren't bad enough, they're not really chewing it so much as they're gnawing, popping, and smacking it. Nobody remembers how to blow their nose, so there are constantly sniffles and snorts of mucous headed back up the nostrils. People waltz in late, talk or whisper throughout class, and put their feet on the table.

But is that all? No. Every day, *every* day, there are at least two people with a drink from Starbucks, and they are compelled to drink during class. It is annoying enough listening to them swallow, but swishing their ice around or scraping the whipped cream off the sides of the cup is aggravating. The slurping sounds are downright annoying, and it's very distracting to see a young lady... intimately engaged, one might say... with the straw.

People also eat during class. The eating sounds are terrible, but nobody takes their food

out of the wrapper, so there is always a lot of crinkling. One young woman eats poptarts every day, and crinkles the wrapper incessantly... she is 20 feet away and it's still horribly distracting. On the rare occasions that people answer a question, they often talk with their mouth full.

That brings me to another point: nobody participates. Everyone just sits their waiting for the material to be spoonfed to them. I engage in the class because I am interested and also I am here to learn, but the professor will only let me speak once a day... so even though I have excellent points to make, we just sit there in intellectual muck.

Also, 75% of the girls and 30% of the boys wear flipflops, which they don't seem to notice make their feet smell awful. Plus the shuffling down the hall and the foot-wagging with the flipflop hanging off the toe is exceptionally annoying.

As I mentioned, there is constant movement. Young women seem always to wag their feet or bounce their legs, sometimes in a

fashion that, frankly, looks like they are ... enjoying themselves... rather than paying attention. It is fairly common to tap one's pen or drum the fingers, or click the pen too.

I can't stand this. I was raised to be very mannerly, but it's not the "holier-than-thou" thing that gets me so upset. With all this constant stimuli, plus the fact that I'm only allowed to participate a little bit, I am overloaded with stimuli and find it simply agonizing. I pretty much cannot function because I get so angry... I have Soft Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, so basically everything sounds about ten times louder than it should. Sights and smells also trigger this aversion. I really, really can't stand it.

Unfortunately, Soft Sound Sensitivity Syndrome is not something that I can overcome. Mine is adolescent-onset, so I have had problems since middle school, and it only gets worse (as is the case for most 4S sufferers).

I cannot contact the administrators because they are unwilling and unable to control the situation. One of the instructors chews gum as loudly as the students, and none of them are there to police us or be parents.

I just need a way to cope, because sometimes I get so worked up that I absolutely can't do anything. I wish that my peers were required to take a college course on manners, and that they would be passed or failed based on their daily conduct.

My instructor -- the one who chews gum -- allows each student one chance per day. It is not because I am too outspoken or rude; in fact I am exceptionally polite and rather shy. It's just that he doesn't want one or two people to dominate the conversation, he said.

I know it's "not my business", but I feel that it becomes my business when I get nearly to the point of tears because the overload is too much to handle.

Answer 1

I want you to know that I read every detail of your question. I can completely relate, in fact, being more mannerly than those people is what got me through college--endearing myseling (unwittingly) to my college professors.

So, I want to comfort you and let you know that no, manners are not dead. I have been privey to many of my husband's law school courses where people would not dream of doing anything like you have mentioned.

Now I know I might be a little all over the place here but--well--let me be frank....

With education the way it is today, essentially a requirement to get a job at McDonalds (I am not disparaging McDonald's or their employees who provide a valuable service in our fast-paced society--however, generally employees on the long term front counter track and either unwilling or unable to attend college and working there really should no necessitate four years in post high school education and a degree in business to operate the cash register--but it is getting to be that way...) so, all of this to say that college seems to be attracting the lowest common denominator in terms of motivated invididuals...which may be why you are seeing this type of behavior with such prevalence.

College is the new high school, my friend...and you're in study hall.

My best advice to you is stick it out and go to grad school...smaller pool of far more focused individuals...

I hope this helps but if it doesn't, take heart! There are always on-line courses!

Answer 2

Edited after reading your additional comments: Is there an academic supervisor? You have as much right as anyone else to speak to them about solutions to your difficulties, such as a smaller class, taping lectures ~ there are quite a few options available! Also, if this is what this school is like, it may not be for you, seriously. I am NOT being mean. Not everyone is suited to every situation, and if you have problems which are affecting your work, you need to be very firm in getting the best situation for yourself you can. If your parents are supporting you, talk to them about this ~ they will NOT want to throw money away!

~*~*~

I'm surprised you can stand to be in the class.

A lot of this isn't about manners, as such, it's simply about lack of clear guidelines.

When I attended school and university, it was not permitted to eat in the classrooms or lecture rooms, for health reasons. If students would be permitted to eat, special bins and cleaners would have to be provided between classes and the universities and schools did not wish to do that, so food and drink were not permitted (except water).

Obviously this rule has changed, but your description does sound somewhat excessive.

Your frustration with the intellectual 'muck' you are sitting in may be affecting how you view other things.

For example, what people wear is actually none of your business, and flip flops do not necessarily make feet smell bad, that would be more about personal hygiene.

I wonder why your professor will only allow you to speak once a day ~ that is very strict. Are you perhaps too free with your opinion and too derogatory about others when giving it?

If you are feeling really troubled by these issues, the best thing to do may be to contact your student adviser and speak to them openly and frankly about these issues.

It may be that going to a different lecturer or attending a different time stream may put you will an older or more professional group, and be more comfortable for you.

Edited to add: Lightoftheparty makes a very good point! You may be more sentive to this than others. Is it possible to tape the lectures and then simply attend the smaller tutorial class, which may not be so noisy and undisciplined?

Cheers :-)

Answer 3

I totally agree with you but the reality is that this doesn't just happen in college. It happens everywhere in society. I find it most annoying at work (I work in a corporate office), fancy restaurant or movie theater. While I can't say this would work in all situations, you can kindly ask people not to do whatever it is that's annoying or provide some help. You can easily ask people to refrain from talking by reasoning that their talking is making it difficult for you to focus on the lecture. In other situations like people sniffling, offer them a tissue to blow their nose. In my case, I had a coworker who was suffering from allergies and kept sneezing. I offered her some OTC allergy medicine and that did the trick.

EDIT: HA! Just as I was typing this, a co-worker barges into my office and her conversation started before she even entered. Sheesh at least knock or ask "are you busy?".

Answer 4

Wow so which you're annoyed huh? See that's what gets me. You Atheists or non-Christians or despite the fact that politically surprising call you prefer now-a-days ***** and whinge approximately how the Christians attempt to shop you. So shall we examine that final sentence of mine professor on account which you needless to say can study and nicely you have executed the learn so as that makes you the foremost authority on something. i know you are the foremost authority on spreading such "BULL$HIT". those everybody is merely attempting to help you to in case you do no longer prefer it forget approximately approximately it!! have you ever tried to examine the shown fact that for as a lot b1tchen and moaning all you nonbelievers do you may desire to be putting that to greater useful use. so which you have tried to stay with the Christian way huh? What you probably did it in hopes of having something and then once you prayed for it and it did no longer take place you pronounced to hell with this faith and gave up surprising? so which you're you able to caught with it in an easy manor? All you have shown is which you have researched failure and mastered it.

Answer 5

Well, the problem is there appears to be no guide lines and your paying to have your class disrupted by people who have no concerns for anyone but them self. Unfortunately it the fault of the administrator's . So you need to learn to tune out the things that annoy you , for life tends to have a good bit of that, and focus on getting as much as you can out of the class. Eventually you will be moving on.

Answer 6

Oh, that's not even the tip of the iceburg!! Wait til you get out of college, IT ONLY GETS WORSE!!! Nobody cares about anyone else anymore. It's really pathetic and disgusting.
However, when I was in college, I would put vodka in a Snapple bottle and take it to class. I'm sure I was pretty rude too.

Answer 7

LMAO...i seriously feel your pain though in my classes people are ALWAYS breathing,and writing, and raising their hands to answer questions its just so unecesarry like WHY WHY do you have to do that?!?! dont they understand I have Soft Sound Syndrome GOD!!! I contacted my school administrators as well and they are not willing to control the situation...particularly with the breathing situation... its SUCH bad manners and thats NOT how I was raised.

Answer 8

ok...you're just like me! i'm back in school, and i wish gum and food and sniffing was outlawed!! i feel your pain. there is a term...(of course i can't remember it now!) for people like us...our brains are "wired" different and we can't tune out background noises like "normal" people do. i know that once i hear one of those annoying noises, it's all i can focus on!
YES...THAT'S IT...THE SOFT SOUND SENSITIVITY SYNDROME!!!! ohhh...the pen clicking makes me want to put my head through the wall! i had a teacher that constantly smacked her lips...drove me insane! i never heard a word she said...the only thing i could focus on was that she smacked her lips between 35-42 times an hour!!! sometimes i just want to shoot myself!!!

Answer 9

no manners are not completely dead, but instead a lot of people were not taught that these things were rude. If this is causing a problem then you should mention something to your teacher. good luck in class.

Answer 10

I can understand people are rude nowadays. The parents NEVER instructed their kids. It is really sad especially here in America.

My parents are European and they smacked the jeebies out of you (I mean scolding wise, verbally) if you didn't say: "please, thank you, pardon me, or excuse me", or didn't have manners in public. If there were more parents like mine around, then society would have more manners and class.