I have a question about porn...?

Question

I was on my computer, and I was looking up a flight. My computer automatically spells out words that you have previously looked up, and as I was typing out what I wanted to look up, I found a bunch of dirty sites looked up. I was on my home computer, MY computer... the only other person who has been on here has been my dad... and I know it was my dad, now this was Monday night. I dont know what to think anymore... My dad is my only idol, and its all ive been thinking about... I only want serious answers... This is a really serious topic here... and I am so nervous and scared... Do I confront him about it, or do I just leave it alone? I'm only 16... and I'm really nervous... We are LDS so we don't believe in that kind of thing... so I don't know why he would do that...

FYI my dad is married.

Answer 1

my goodness this is a delicate matter!! I would pray about it first. ask God to direct you in this serious matter. pray for your dad's forgiveness, and strength to quit watching it (porn is often an addiction), then aid him in quitting. add filters to your computer, heighten the security, you can research these options on the internet, try placing the computer in a public place like the kitchen or family room. (if mom asks why you did this tell her you want in neutral place that everyone can enjoy it). then i would privately talk to your dad. ask him first, do NOT accuse. their maybe another explanation for this, although i am inclined to believe it's him also. tell him how it is not accepted by God, nor his family. tell him how it makes you feel, tell him you forgive him and you love him and tell him he needs help(there are a lot of addiction classes- usually very private). Do NOT threaten to tell his wife, suggest you would like for him to do it. tell him you are giving him time to tell his wife, then follow up with him to make sure he did this. if he rejects all of the previous suggestions then i would go to the wife and tell her what you have discovered. be prepared to be rejected though, usually the wife doesn't really want to know this, or refuses to believe a child over her husband. it , porn, is often a insult to the wife. it suggests that she has not fulfilled him sexually. in all things pray first . ask God to guide you. try to handle it according to the Bible. if someone has caused an offense against you, the bible is clear to take it to that specific person first. I will pray for you in this situation, i admit no choice will be an easy one. God Bless you and your family.

Answer 2

Ask your dad if he used your computer. If your dad wasn't careful about deleting those sites, there is probably plenty of other evidence left on your computer. Do you know anyone really good with computers? They can probably help you figure out what was looked at. There are programs on most computers that take snapshots of every website you look at.
As far as being LDS...Unfortunately religion has little bearing on people's sexual desires. Also religions that are repressive about sex have a high amount of people that end up expressing their desires secretly or inappropriately because those that they love would be horrified to find out what they are really 'in to'. Even if it isn't that odd. (i.e. his wife may just be into the missionary position and he may want to try something a little different.)
For example, I used to work in the protective custody unit (sexual predator) of a men's prison. All of the men in there for sex crimes were very religious. Many of which were Mormon (LDS).
I think the best option is to ask him about it. Tell him going into the conversation that you have a serious question and you want a completely honest answer no matter what the answer is.
I know you are upset. If he did this, it was a wrong thing to do. It is your computer and he should have more respect.
Also, he may be questioning his beliefs. Ask him to tell you what is going on and that you need to know the truth!

Answer 3

Okay, I'm going to be totally serious here. 65% of all men have SERIOUS struggles with porn. (Yes it includes religious men as well.) And another 10% have regular struggles with it. Most men deny their problem with it because of the shame it causes. The same reason many men won't get any help because they feel shame and because they are afraid of being judged by others for their sin. Because of this, there is very little accountability within the church to help men that have this problem. Therefore they are simply told, "Don't do it." Which is a total cop-out for the church. Whether or not you are supposed to believe in it makes little difference about the fact that it's real and it's very much in our face. I'm not giving excuses, I'm just telling you the reality behind it all.
Now, as a man and as one who has issues with this in the past, this is what I would recommend. You need to sit down with your dad and tell him that you know what he has been doing. It's going to be extremely uncomfortable for both of you. It's likely that he will deny it because of the shame. Let him. Let him know that it hurts you that he looks at that. The truth of the matter is that most men will not stop if they think it is only hurting themselves, but they WILL stop if they realize that it is hurting others. You'll probably have a few days of being uncomfortableness, but I promise you that it will get better.

Answer 4

Life is different from the eyes of a 16 year old compared to an adult. Some days things like this get to adults, so don't be hard. One day you'll get to the point where you'll be in a situation similar. Guaranteed. But if it bothers you...say something to him. Privately if you have to.

Answer 5

At 16, you should not focus on this. The fact is that most men watch porn and you dad is no different.

On another note, I would be careful about assuming that just because it is spelling out the word that they have been previously searched for. The new trend in search engines is to auto fill against a library of known search terms.

Answer 6

I would put covenant eyes (http://www.covenanteyes.com/) on your computer. Its advicated by promice keepers and it emails you the sites peopel have been on, on hyour computer, if he goes to a porno site on your computer, it fades out the private parts of the male and female parts, this is an easy way for him to know their is spyware on your computer without coming right out and saying right away that you know he is on it and then once you get the email you can confront him with the times and the email sites with the evidence. Thsi will mean if he denies it, you can thn decide if you want to take it to your mom or even to his bishop, he may even want to try to accuse you of it, because it was your computer, but then he will have to access another computer now instead of yours anymore. These are just things to consider, I am not sure why they bring it into the house, but the addiction is so intence that they will bring it into the home as well. They do not consider it cheating, because they never touched anything.

Answer 7

One could assume he was just checking out the situation, as a matter of curiosity or research. All men have done this at least once. Repeated visits, giving credit card numbers to get access beyond the "free sample" is where the real problem starts. Porn can be a real temptation for men of all ages and needs to be strongly resisted. Install a safe search porn blocker with a password that only you know and then drop the subject. If he is innocent then he'll never know, if he is guilty he'll get the message the next time he tries to access a site and it is blocked.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. In a way. Here's what I would do. : Don't say anything just yet. Lower the filter on your browser to pg stuff. Password block it. If it keeps happening, wrote down the sites and confront him. Let him know that you don't appreciate it. Tell him how it makes you feel to see that kind of stuff on the computer.

Answer 9

That's a tough one alright. My computer automatically spells out words that you have previously looked up too, it shows history and a list of "popular" suggestions. I would double check to make certain the words that come up are under history, and not mere suggestions. Because I just tested mine to see what kinds of things it would pull up, and with only typing in one or two letters, it pulled up things I did not look up,like sex offender and i am the only person that uses the computer. then I looked closer and in small print it said suggestions, and below that was my list of history I looked up.

Maybe also delete all the history and cookies from your browser and then watch it for awhile to see for sure. I wouldn't say anything yet, and just pray that if that's what he's doing, pray that the Lord will convict his heart about this and bring him to repentance. I would also pray for a confirmation concerning this matter before I did or said anything else to anyone.

If it later turns out to be true, I would talk to someone he's close to a church or talk to the Paster,(or write a letter if you feel too embarrassed) or even have a friend do it for you, and just let them & God handle it. Just keep it in prayer. Pray for your Dad and I will keep your situation in prayer too,ok.

You just keep praying and if it's true, it will come out because the truth ALWAYS comes out, The Scripture says, "Be sure your sins will find you out".

And if he is a Christian, and has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Saviour, the Lord will sear his conscience and he will turn away from it. If you are not certain because of this where your Dad is at spiritually, pray and ask the Lord to draw him to Him, and to save his soul.

Answer 10

Be careful with how you deal with this. I have recently decided to give up much of my internet time because of the temptations it brings. ANY MAN THAT SAYS THEY WOULD NEVER GET CAUGHT UP IN PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT BEING HONEST. If you feel you should say something to your dad do it but I honestly think he will say he didn't look at pornographic sites. If he says he didn't view pornographic sites don't bother him anymore about this. Bringing this up to him may embarass him and he will most likely quit.

Answer 11

99% of men fall into 2 categories. Those who look at porn and those who look but pretend or lie about it. It's not a big deal. Forget about it and mind your own business --- or, if you don't want to see the searched words again, just tell him not to search weird stuff on your computer because the search words show up later. He will be very embarrassed and won't do it again once he realises he's leaving a trail. Don't be worried about it. Have a nice day.