Bachelor Party Question 2: Too late for strippers....?

Question

I've been reading through several questions regarding Bachelor Parties and strippers and the resounding answer has basically been "Bachelor parties have the old fashioned notion that the guy has one last night to 'sow his wild oats'. If a guy is engaged, all his wild oats should have already been sown." and that basically, all that stuff should have been done before we started dating. My question is: Do you really expect people to act like they do in the movies (love at first sight) and know you are going to marry a girl once you start dating? Or is it that you "sow your oats" right before you propose? I feel that there isn't a clear line between simply dating, finding that you really like the person, and getting into a relationship. Its more of a gradual process as the relationship gets more serious. Isnt the wedding the clear line to say, "OK, I am yours forever"? Isn't that why bachelor parties happen right before the wedding?

Also, isn't it more of about male bonding and closure. You properly close one part of your life to open up another part. When you have attained enough education in college, you participate in a ceremony called graduation, then move on to become a responsible, hard working adult. Isn't a bachelor party a kind of ceremony? You "graduate" from being a bachelor to become a responsible, hard working husband?

And no, I have absolutely no doubts in my mind that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. There is nothing any other girl, any stripper, any person on Yahoo! Answers that can ever deter me from marrying my fiance, so please don't assume that I am not ready or am unsure that she's the one.

Answer 1

As long as he doesn't leave the party singing I'm in love with a stripper, having had sex with the stripper or otherwise tainted our relationship I don't mind the bachelor party. I'd prefer it not be the night before the wedding so he can sober up in time but that's about it.

Answer 2

allow me to draw several lines here...

You should ask yourself when you are ready to have a serious relationship because when you are ready, then that's the time to be faithful only to one person. If you think you're not, then be it, have some fun and settle down later. It is important that when you start a relationship your best goal should be to work things out with that person and be with her for the rest of your life. Being monogamous starts with your commitment to each other at the very start of the relationship.

Sowing of wild oats if just a myth and are often spoken by people who are not ready for marriage. They are the ones who drag the person getting married to sow whatever there is to sow, and this is wrong! If you want to know the clear line when the sowing should end, it should be before you commit seriously to a relationship. The sowing should happend when you are still single and available. If you are in for the sowing, then don't get into serious relationships yet, and make this clear to your partner so that there will be no expectations.

Yes I agree that bachelors party is kinda like a ceremony to graduate from being a bachelor and it is also a graduation from yourself to become a more responsible person like becoming a husband and father in the future. Sowing the wild oaths during the Bachelor's party is a sign that you are not ready to graduate, and that you remain irresponsible. Bachelors party isn't always about the strippers.

Answer 3

Ok, the whole sowing your wild oats thing is crap. If you have oats to sow you shouldn't be looking for a long term relationship, no it doesn't have to be love at first sight and I hope for your btb's sake you don't go off on your bachelor party to sow them. Yes you are right, it's about male bonding and closing a chapter in your life, what I think is at the crux of the issue is how strippers have anything to do with male bonding. Girls don't have to have some half naked guy wiggle his butt in their face to feel closer. If you need to have strippers there, or still want to go see strippers then that's on you, but it does probably make several of us wonder if this is the right thing for you. I know you say there isn't any doubt in your mind that she's the right one, and if that's true there shouldn't be any doubt in your mind that you want to love, respect and care for her feelings for the rest of your life. That being said you shouldn't have any questions as to where the line of sowing oats is drawn.
It should be clear to you that your oats are sown (if not they aren't) and that your relationship is way better than a last go round with the boys.

Answer 4

First of all, I don't get why any guy has to sow his wild oats. That just screams commitment issues!!
Second, there comes a times in every relationship when the guy realises this is more than just dating and that it is serious. Usually before any engagement happens. That is the cut of time, so to speak. The time when the guy needs to decide he is going to get serious along with the relationship or else quit. It is not fair on a woman who is treating it as a serious relationship for the guy not to treat it as the same way.
And no, people often don't know when they start dating that they will end up marrying (I sure didn't).
As to your 'line' issue, the bachelor party is not an excuse to go out and act the fool and dishonour and disrespect his future wife because he has already decided that he is committeded. aAnyone who thinks that that is what these parties is for is a fool.
Bachelor parties really need to be held when a guy decides he is going to seriously committ, like I said, usually before you get engaged. The timing is wrong!
Lastly, can I just say, I don't even know why you need to have bachelor parties now. I know lots of guys now do sensible things for theirs, but there are still lots of guys that for them it is just a good excuse to get drunk and do stupid things.

Answer 5

I personally see nothing wrong with strippers at a bachelor party--as long as they are only for looking at--no sewing of wild oats or whatever you call cheating with a stripper. I don't care if my fiance has one-(he said he's not interested), but I don't expect any man who truly loves his intended to have sex with some stranger simply because it's a bachelor party. That is grounds for cancelling the wedding and the relationship, IMO.

You sew your wild oats while you are a guy just out dating women...as the relationship progresses to the point you've proposed, you should have already decided she's it, the ONE, forever, end of story. Those oats were to have been sewn long ago, not at a bachelor party. What if she sewed hers with some stranger with a g-string and a huge penis a few weeks before your wedding? I doubt you'd feel too comfortable with that scenario. Women have oats to sew too, you know.

Answer 6

If you are in any serious, committed relationship, I see no reason why any guy should want to "sow any wild oats" at all. The whole stripper at a bachelor party thing is just some male concocted idea to find a reason to have a stripper. It is similar to the Hooters syndrome, where men claim that they have the "best wings" when they really go there to see some nice breasts.

I don't see any reason why any adult in a serious relationship would want to act ridiculous and "sow their oats" when they found someone they want to spend their life with. And if that freaks them out then they probably aren't with the right person.

Answer 7

I agree that there is a gradual process when it comes to relationships. However, there is a line between a non-committed and a committed relationship. Where, when and how this line is drawn is up to the individuals involved. But by the time the two people are engaged to be married, the line is definitely drawn.

What this means to the people involved in a relationship is also completely up to them. I know some happily married couples who choose to be in open relationships. In a sense, they are still "sowing their oats", and it works for them. But most people probably see a commitment to another person as a dividing line between the "oats" and the serious relationship. I personally have nothing against strip clubs, there's a time and a place for them. But if my husband felt like he had to go to a strip club in connection with our marriage, it would give me an impression that he was not mature enough to be married. At our age (mid-30s) both of us has had plenty of opportunities to "sow our oats"; there was no need for some artificial last splurge of "independence" as neither of us saw marriage as giving up our "freedom" to begin with.

Answer 8

If you're having this hard a time wrapping your head around this, maybe you should postpone the wedding.

Look, no one wakes up one morning and says "I want to marry that girl!" When you date someone there's a moment in your relationship when you decide that you are ready to change your life and settle down with one person. You weigh all the pros and cons and make a decision. When you're not ready to make that change, the thought of marriage and love will NOT enter the picture. Before my fiance dated me he dated this one girl for about three years. He wasn't ready to get married (and especially to get married to her) so he didn't. He broke up with her, dated other girls and when we started dating, he was ready for the life change of marriage.

"Sowing your wild oats" is a myth, probably invented by someone in the prostitution business. So quit focusing so much on this, go someplace fun with your guy friends, have pretty girls buy you drinks for getting married, and move on. It's not the end of the world.

I will say this though: I think it sucks that your fiance doesn't trust you to go to a strip club (but then again, I don't your relationship). You're a grown man and if you can't convince her to trust you, then maybe you guys should go to counseling to work out her trust issues because this will always be a sore point in your marriage. Good luck!

Answer 9

Bachelor parties in general were the rule of "sowing wild oats" but I have yet to see a man (who was smart) that actually did ANYTHING stupid while at his bachelor party, mostly it was alot of talk, and looking at naked women, which most men can do from the privacy of their own home on the computer. Dating is the time where you should be sowing your wild oats in my opinion, where you aren't yet in a comitted relationship. If you have taken the step to become serious, then your oats have been sowed, (not meaning yours, but in general)

Answer 10

I dont think you should have sown all your wild oats before you start dating, but the night before the wedding (or whenever you have the party) is definitely not the time to be doing it. I think if your a regular strip club go'er and your fiance doesnt have a problem with it then whatever floats your boat, but if its just something your doing becuase its your bachelor party then thats pretty sad that you couldnt find something else to do. go out for pizza and some beers, go to a sports game with your friends. my husband went for pizza and beers with my dad and some of the guys my dad works with. I went to a bar across the street from our home and had some beers with my friends. we felt there was no need to try and prove something to ourselves before we married and so we just did something we enjoyed doing on a regular basis. my husband and I also both think that strippers are gross anyways so we dont have that problem. anyone who takes off their clothes for money has no morals or self respect and those who look at it arent much better. besides...theres enough action going on at home to keep us both happy and occupied.