him and it was attraction at first sight.From day 1 we were always together.I'm 37 and he's 27.In the beginning,he made a lot of long term plans and he treated me right.He was very happy to show me off as i look very young.But after,he started changing ,he was worried about the future but i never pressed him for closer commitment,i'm a free spirit.At the end, he left me cause he didn't see this affair ending to a marriage.15 days later,he returned and asked for a 2nd chance.We stayed 3 days together and i found out that he came back mostly for the sex part,he even repeated that 1 day he would leave for sure.The next day i sent him a sms saying:"i want to respect myself,it's over".This was the endand 3 months passed so far.I went through very hard time but lately i feel better.I have mixed emotions but it pains me cause he didn't respect me in the end,although bf he was always gentle and carrying.Was it a crime that i was older than him and i deserve this?
2007-09-26 11:00:39 · 22 answers · asked by Jessie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He made me feel cheap and dirty when i realised he returned for sex and i'm still shocked as he knew that i could never stay on these terms.
2007-09-26 11:03:16 · update #1
No you didn't deserve this. It sucks that your age wasn't something he could handle but you did the right thing for you. He wasn't being fair to you, wanting his cake and all. Sooner or later he would have broken your heart without a backwards glance. This was all too convenient for him. Way to go for sticking up for yourself. It's so much harder to do what you did. Good for you! Stay strong!!
2007-09-26 11:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by mummy heffalump 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where were you when I was 27?
You have to understand that men and women have different priorities. Sex is what drives males in every relationship. Personality, common interests and emotional connection/attachment are very important factors as well for males but a relationship cannot even get off the ground for a unless a guy is sexually attracted to a female (or as Dr. Drew once said on his show to a caller, "If he didn't want to have sex with you he wouldn't have anything to do with you in the first place").
That said, don't hate your former boyfriend or feel like a victim because you think he used you for sex. If you could understand what it is like to be a male and think the way we do you would not see his actions as a transgression. He probably isn't aware of how is actions affected you because he probably didn't see what he did as being wrong in any way. Sex comes before everything else in a relationship for a man and we need it sometimes almost as bad as we need oxygen. Your boyfriend probably thought he was coming back to you and sex just happened. I seriously doubt he approached you consciously aware that he was going to use you for sex. Once he was back in the old situation of being together with you he probably realized how he felt when you two broke up and that's why he left.
Sex just happens for us guys. We often don't control sex, it ends up driving us instead. I mean, at my job I enter the homes of housewives all the time during the day intending to sell magazine subscriptions. When I end up having sex with one of my customers I don't ever try to consciously make it happen or initiate anything. It just happens and that is it. My p-e-n-i-s slips out of my pants and into a v-a-g-i-n-a and that is that.
2007-09-26 11:16:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Hon.. you're not cheap or dirty because you had sex with the guy when he came back... happens every day... you cared for him, and that's what matters.
I think the problem with relationships with younger men, are just what you mentioned here - long term plans dont' work out... they might want kids, and older women rarely do. Both my sisters are in relationships with much younger men (14 yrs and almost 20 years younger) and i don't see what they have in common, besides sex?
We came from an abusive family, and i really think both my sisters would rather have a young guy to "raise" than a man who is their peer. I'm not sure. I dated younger men, too, but nothing serious.
Sometimes we set ourselves up for big let downs.. and that is what i was getting to when it came to the story about my sisters... i think that, someday they will both wake up and their guys will have hit the road -- because of the age gap, yes.
I'm sorry you're in pain, and i sure hope you dont' blame yourself. You took a gamble on a relationship and it didn't work out. Take the time to adjust, grieve and please pamper yourself ... you deserve GOOD things!!! hugs
2007-09-26 11:08:59 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may or may not help but I am exactly 10 years younger than my husband (he's 35, I'm 25). Hopefully I can give you some insight from his point of view. Being the younger one in a relationship is hard.. I have a lot of fears.. The fact that he's going to be 40 in 5 years scares the hell out of me.. I want kids, so does he, but I wanted my kids to have young parents. I know 10 years isn't THAT big of a gap, but I worry about losing him and how bad it's going to hurt and I am guilty of second guessing my decision to marry him because of these reasons.. Maybe that's what his deal is...
2007-09-26 11:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 10 years older than my boyfriend and i couldn't wish for a more loving and respectful partner - and, he wants to marry me, so no, it isn't your fault at all but maybe if you were 45 and he was 35 he'd be a bit more mature and know what he wanted more. Also, bear in mind that if he were dating someone of his own age he would probably still be dithering and fearing long term commitment - rather than endlessly analyse it just accept that this relationship just isn't meant to be and move on.
2007-09-26 11:08:33 · answer #5 · answered by colgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nah, sister it's no crime. Unfortunately you've experienced what most women experience at your age nowadays. He probably made you feel young and he was probably attracted to you physically. Your relationship wasn't a long one it seems but as we get older we tend to cling to people with a deeper adoration and care. It's not unusual for a younger man to want to be with a older woman for the experience of her seasoned age and security. You need to move on and let what was be. It's over and your not gonna get over it in a few months. Trust me. You said that you look very young for your age and I'm sure theirs somone your age who would cherish that quality and not want to use you for sex. Good luck
2007-09-26 11:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men like young girls for arm candy but they like older Ladies for their experience some do stay but ten years down the line you would notice the age difference and you might have got really hurt there are older nicer ones out there a friend married an older lady and 10 years later he did feel that she was like a mother it is not a crime to want to be loved you will find better
2007-09-26 11:12:00 · answer #7 · answered by susan will of the wisp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has the problem, Hon, not you. Age means nothing. I date someone 20 years younger than I am and we have been very happy for a long time. Respect is what it is all about. If he really loved you, age wouldn't matter.
2007-09-26 11:05:16 · answer #8 · answered by the_chief 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a jerk, sorry, but he messes up once shame on him so you give him a chance he messes up twicethat's it then he wasn't willing to try to make it work.
Might be hard but maybe worth it later. Get over him go out a little and try to find someone new
2007-09-26 11:08:09 · answer #9 · answered by SSS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no its not a crime, sometimes age gap cause those kind of situation. you were not at the same stage in your lifes . maybe he felt anxiety regarding the fact you are a free spirit? some people cant handle this.
2007-09-26 11:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by thunder217 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋