Should I tell my secret if it means hurting people and loosing friends?

Question

When I managed to get away from my abusive husband after 4 yrs of torture,I met a man that treated me like a princess,found myself in a world of luxury I never thought would ever experience and got carried away with it all. Slept together once and then after I called it off realised I was pregnant. If i tell anyone that child has different father I will loose all my friends as I am a christian and this was just a moment of madness after being so low. Also would hurt other child from marriage.
???

-as requested here are few details to clarify things.
I am in process of divorce and i was when met the baby's father and had been seperated for 6months.

I called the relationship off because I found out the reason why he was able to afford to treat me the way he did and did not want to be a part of any of that business.

Father doesnt want anything to do with baby-too busy with work and his money.
Have since found out that he did this to other women at a vunerable time in their life who aborted and has another child.
And for the record-I have used the pill for 3yrs but had been really ill,taking antibiotics&had forgotten to take it some days as was quite low up until the date where we slept together like I said i wasn't expecting to and let go in a moment of madness.
P.s thank you for all your answers,some very helpful and i am greatful,but I am definately not a **** as i have only ever slept with 2 people-my ex husband and baby's father once!!!!

Answer 1

If your friends dump you because of this... they are not really your friends and not very good Christians. They should understand that you were in a horrible relationship with your husband (ex?), and that the other relationship, no matter how temporary, was a blessing to you since it picked you up and gave you a new outlook. As for the other child, I guess it kinda depends on how old they are when they are told. The other child should be old enough to understand the circumstances before anything is said and I honestly don't believe it will hurt them. My husband comes from a family of many different marriages and other children coming from those marriages (ok - yes they were married - but that's not really the point) and they consider themselves to all be brothers and sisters. Not half brothers and half sisters. His youngest brother was adopted but he doesn't go around introducing him as his adopted brother. Just his brother. So you see... none of that really matters. The only thing that matters is that you and your children are happy now and that you raise them with love.

Answer 2

This is a crisis of conscience and whatever road you take will entail difficulties for you.

First of all, isn't forgiveness part of the Christian ethic? This child was born because you were in a low place and did something that you would never have done if you had not been traumatised by the years of abuse and grateful to meet someone who was kind to you. How your friends can judge you for that, I really don't know.

As for your other child, yes, it would be difficult for them to hear, but children are generally far more loving and accepting about these kinds of situations than adults.

I think you have to imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back and thinking, from that perspective, what decisions you would have made that enabled you to leave this world with as clean a conscience as possible. The answer to your problem may then be apparent.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Answer 3

so does your freinds know that you were abused by your ex husband. if u have moved on with your life then they should not be in your bussiness, some i wonder what is so christian about certain things. the damage is done. if u have all this faith then u have to answer to your higher power for forgiveness, i know alot of so called chraistains and beleive they really not. everyone has some type of secret that they will never tell. but there is a child involved. i am sure your freinds know and maybe even your ex. but your child needs to know who there father really is just in case there was some medically wrong and then the thruth will come out , i dont know how old your child but u need to let him know and the real father know also. if he was a good man to you u should give him the chance to be a real father and a man to your child, u dont owe your freind nothing...

Answer 4

If your friends are true christians they will understand the concept of "judge not"........they might also have heard of a little phrase called forgiveness of sins......At perhaps the most vulnerable point in your life you accepted what felt like love from another person......you cannot change the past, but you can make sure that it's impact on the future is not devastating in it's consequences.
The PRIMARY person of concern in this is your child. The child has a right to know his/her father. The father in question also has the right to know that he IS a father. Regardless of the circumstances of it's conception, your child is a gift to be cherished. Your other child will accept and love it's sibling and doesn't need to be burdened with the details of parenthood at an early age. He/she will adapt to the circumstances as they both get older and the bond between them has been forged.
Aside from all of that, you and your child need to acknowledge the child's father, and you need to be aware of family medical histories etc. that may affect your child in later life.

Answer 5

Who needs to be at peace you or everyone else? Just tell them and who cares about their opinion. Your child was made out of a relationship that was so good... There is no regret right? And it was no moment of madness b/c it was something beautiful that you experienced with this man.Now why did you brake it off? I would of stayed with him and confronted everyone. You deserved to be happy after an abusive relationship.
As for being a Christian only GOD can judge you and forgive you. And as for your kids the sooner you tell them the more understanding they will be. So the longer you let yor issue go the deeper you get yourself in a hole. So the **** with everyone and do what makes you happy. Once you let it out you will feel so much better instead of carrying the burden..
Just pray and ask God for everyone to be understanding and only time will tell you who are your real friends..As for your kids they will be ok unless they are rebelling teenagers, then that its another issue in its self..
Just stop keeping it inside and let it out!

Answer 6

somthings are left unsaid. good for you for getting out af an abusive relationship. I know how hard that is. I am not a true christian but respect where you are coming from, it is not madness as you wanted to feel truly loved agian , somthing which you havent felt in a long while!! mistakes happen but just take into account that whatever decision you have to take you have to live with it. You need to tell everone when you are ready to deal with things, you have been through a lot. God gave you this precious gift of a child, and if your friends are true freinds they will respect this, after all forgiveness crops up alot in the bible a lot dosent it?

Answer 7

How could you possibly call these people your friends if they don't support and sympathise with you through this?

If you were in an abusive relationship and met an amazing man then what's the problem. Drop the devil and pick up the angel. Okay so you got pregnant, maybe that's your way out of your lousy marriage. Have you thought of it like that?

In all seriousness though.....if you lost your friends over this it would be a blessing. What kind of friends do that?

Answer 8

If you are really a good Christian you can't lie to those who trust you. I can understand you I don't want to be mean but I have to say what I think is right. A lie can never be better than truth althou it hurts, eventually that lie can become dangerous and hurt too much more that people you love and it could be worse than saying the truth right now and I know it could be so hard to manage it but that people around you are not God to condemn you if they are good friends and good Christians too they will understand you. one more thing you don't have to say the truth to anyone, just the people involved like your kids and the new one that is coming and of course the father. make a decision and think : " sooner or later truth always show up" and you have now the power to fix it yourself explain them you have very valid reasons you have the right to look for your happiness and the weelbeing of your love ones I wish you the best good luck

Answer 9

If there was no child involved, I'd say there was no reason to.

But, think of it this way:

Ten years from now, your kid needs a kidney. Their sibling gets tested and it comes out then that they aren't actually full siblings.

Then, you're busted for the affair AND for not telling the child the truth about their father, which they have a right to know about anyway.

I would set up some family counseling and go about this the right way.

Answer 10

If your friends are true Christians then they would surely understand your predicament. I would never advocate starting a lie like this. Your child has the right to know right from the start who dad is - its far less traumatic for them if they just grow up 'knowing'. In the event, I don't think its anyone elses business but yours and your children. If it should slip out, then do not deny it but you don't have to give huge explanations anyway. I have two children from two different fathers - My son loves his sister no matter what and she is learning that he has a dad that lives somewhere else. We don't make it a secret. People will judge - let them. You fell and you got back up again. There is no shame in that.