I am getting married next year and my parents have offered us some money to help pay for the wedding. I told my dad that we don't need their money and that my fiance and I want to pay for everything. After talking with my mum she told me dad had saved especially for it and that he really wants to help out. I feel really guilty not taking them up on their offer but I know deep in my heart that they can not afford to give it to us and the money would be better spent on themselves. Is what I have done right? and is there any other way I can make them feel like they are contributing?
2007-09-26 09:58:44 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He's ur dad he feels that he is surpose to pay but if u feel that they can't afford it than that's some thing different but make him feel proud just take the money and hold on to it and give it back on their aniversary in a nice card other wise u may hurt his feelings. congrats on ur wedding. *
2007-09-26 12:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by shay love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might break their hearts to be left out of the planning. You might think about asking them to contribute a specific part of the wedding, such as the cake, or the flowers, or even the hotel room on the honeymoon. Hopefully that would allow them to feel involved and helpful, and not break the bank. (Remember to gush over how PERFECT their contribution was!) You could even ask them to DO something, like create a music playlist or MC the reception. That generally doesn't cost much, but involves them in the planning anyway.
The other option would be to ask them to use part of the money saved and just spend the day with you shortly before the wedding. Go to lunch and a show, visit a museum, go places you used to go as a child, snap pictures in photo booths . . . and just be together. Your Dad might like that a lot more than helping with the wedding plans, since it gives him some time with his baby girl.
2007-09-26 17:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by flirty_smurf 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In the words of Steve Miller, "go on take the money and run".
Just kidding, you are a very sensible young lady. Your husband to be is very lucky. A lot of women want to go crazy for their wedding and wind up starting their marriage with a huge debt for a "princess party".
I believe that a nice garden wedding is fine or even a las vegas married by Elvis kind of wedding is very honorable.
The main thing is that you get married and that the people who love you can drink some beer and celebrate your blessed union. Your a good woman.
2007-09-26 17:09:48 · answer #3 · answered by willberb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an extremely refreshing question. Kudos to you and your fiance. You guys have your hearts in the right place and your priorities straight.
I would select one thing for them to pay for -- something very modest that they will see at the wedding as "their" contribution. Maybe your bouquet (or all the flowers)? Or the officiant's fee? I know you're sensitive to their financial needs, but your Dad has his male pride, and I think you should let him spend just a little bit -- not enough to set them back financially, mind you, but just enough so that he feels like he helped make your day special.
Congrats to you and your honey!
2007-09-26 18:12:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree I think you should take the money. You may need less than what they have saved so maybe you can come to a compromise. Since your Dad saved especially for this it's obviously important to your parents that they give you some financial help.
Maybe you can use some and buy them a nice gift like a gift certificate to an expensive restaurant. (Something they will never do for themselves.)
Good luck!
2007-09-26 19:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by Reba 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell them that you are not interested in the money aspect. Maybe you can say I would much rather have you help me with things like the invitations addressing them, decorating, hosting the bridal shower ect. Tell them that the money aspect of it is nice but you want to spend time with them and have great family memories to pass down to your children ect. Let them help you plan the rehersal diner ect maybe the menu get their input then they can fell as if they had an active role in your wedding and maybe not feel so badly about the money.
2007-09-26 17:05:01 · answer #6 · answered by rebecky139 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is tradition for the father of the bride to pay for the whole wedding. he was probably looking forward to that tradition, especially if your the only girl (or the oldest or the first to get married) in your family.
so what i would do is sit down and talk with both of them and ask HONESTLY how much they really want to give, and negotiate with them. like if its too much tell them well, "how about you, ask your photographer/cook/florist friend to give me a discount for working my wedding" or "help me order/stuff/address/send invitations"
like just tell them to help out with anything they can, and accept the money they offer you with love.
2007-09-26 17:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't hurt Dad's feeling by refusing his help. Ask him to take care of the florist's bill, the cake, a few cases of champagne, or SOMETHING. You will find a way to make the expense up to him with some practical thank you gift after the honeymoon.
2007-09-26 18:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should take the money. Your parents still want to feel you need them and if your father made a special point of saving this money foyou, it probably made him feel bad that you didn't accept it.
Especially if they don't have much money, he was probably very proud to be able to offer you something he had saved. I'm sure you could approach them and ask if it's too late to take the money.
2007-09-26 17:22:40 · answer #9 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your Dad has probably been looking forward to this for years, since you were a little girl. Take the money and make him happy. He will be so proud.
Include them in your plans and let them help where they want.
Have a great wedding....
2007-09-26 17:09:47 · answer #10 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋