My husband and I have been aware our 16 year old son has been doing weed for the past year. Hes a relatively good kid, who has a job and is not into trouble at school. Lately we believe hes been doing it more than he claims he does and he has become more open about it. Today I found a pipe, rolling papers and 2 bongs in his pants while sorting laundry. We have tried talking to him and grounding him. Nothing is working. Any suggestions as to what next?
2007-09-26 09:52:08 · 27 answers · asked by cheree_1969 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I never said I was cool with it...or it thought it was "no big deal". My problem is what if weed isn't enough anymore and tries something else. Furthermore, at 16, you can be the best parent alive, you cannot control what your child does all the time.
2007-09-26 10:06:52 · update #1
The very first time we caught him, we took him to the police station and made him turn the weed in.
2007-09-26 10:09:40 · update #2
TO COLLEEN O
If you had read my message...its says "I never said it was no big deal"
We tried taking him to the police station and we tried grounding him. Obviously you have never had kids...and have no idea what your talking about if you think you can control what a 16 year old does. DUH
2007-09-26 13:45:05 · update #3
send him to rehab...or call the cops on him...
that should give him a good scare....
2007-09-26 09:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so 16 is a hard age. You are old enough to drive almost old enough to be out of the house and almost an adult. I agree that you cannot make your son do anything he doesn't want to do, and the more you push an issue the more he will push for his way. There are some good suggestions on here about having him do research and punishing him. But part of letting him learn to be an adult is to make choices whether they are good or bad and to learn the consequences of those choices. I would sit down with him and let him know you know he smokes. He will probably be embarrassed, but oh well if your kid is having sex you don't ignore the issue you confront it head on. Let him know that you don't approve of his smoking and let him know what you think are ok punishments for what he is doing. Let him know under no circumstances will you allow drug paraphenalia in your house, (You can lose your home if the police were ever called) and that if you find any of his stuff in the house it will be immediately destroyed. Figure out what is an appropriate punishment in your mind for smoking and follow through with it. Also let him know your concerns about falling into the trap of heavier drugs and the only reason that you are talking to him about this is to help him to be more responsible. Maybe a good punishment would be volunteering in a soup kitchen for a couple of weekends.
A responsible pot smoker (yes they do exist) knows when is an appropriate time to smoke and when is not. If he has to get high all the time, then pot is taking over his life and it won't be long before other things are introduced also. But there really are people who have just smoked pot and nothing else. If he learns that he will get punished if he appears high to you or has stuff in the house, then that might help him see there are consequences for his actions. Don't feel bad about doing this after you already know he has been smoking. If he was working and getting high, he would get in trouble also. Let him know the life consequences for his actions.
2007-09-26 10:26:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hard to believe you have WASTED a year when you could have been helping your son. It's not too late for you to start parenting properly! I have a son a month away from being 16, so I do know of what I speak.
Your son's obviously rather stupid if he's leaving his drug paraphernalia around for you to find! It could be a cry for help, since he had to have known you would find stuff. Sounds like he's calling out for some guidelines, some structure in his life.
You CAN control him and you SHOULD be controlling him. He is still living under your roof and you are supporting him. Where is he getting drug money from???
I'd just turn him in and leave him at the police station, since this is illegal activity. My son knows clearly this would happen to him would he be that stupid.
Time for some tuff love, parents. Shadow your son, know where he is all the time. You need to be giving him serious consequences for his illegal behaviour, and other poor behaviour he may be exhibiting. Maybe it's time for inpatient drug treatment. Regardless, your family needs some professional help.
Good luck...
2007-09-27 02:32:41 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I remember how it was when I was 16 and he sounds like me. My drug problem got more serious because of the place I worked at. It was a pizza delivery store and more than half of the employees did it. They were all very open about it and you could never tell from the outside. Most food places are like that nowadays and children (16-18) are working there and they usually get them involved so they can "fit in". What saved my relationship with my mom and calmed me down a considerable amount was that my mom always told me how much it hurt her feelings and she never got mad at me but showed that she was concerned. I had realized that the people i hung out with didn't have that and I began to see their futures. It worked on me but I'm not promising anything. Good luck. I'll pray for you and your son.
2007-09-26 14:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by Stacey P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KEEP finding these bongs, papers, etc. and THROW them away. Make him have to buy more. I must tell you that I started out with weed and it went on to crack for a year. I was one of the "lucky" ones (been clean 15 years) and was only on crack for a year. Most that are crack users will do ANYTHING to get it. Horrifying experience. I suggest you tell him that the weed has to go. Just let him know that you're worried, however until he wants to stop he won't. THROW it away and try to find the weed and do the same. Kudos to you for caring! Final note: it's the kids he's around. Always is.
2007-09-26 10:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by OMGiamgoingNUTS 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was that kid about 12 years ago. All I can tell you is the harder you push he'll push twice as hard. It sounds to me that he does have his stuff together enough to not let the weed interfere with the more important stuff. I would wait to see if other things suffer before doing anything too irrational cause this could be a phase. So far i've turned out fine and I hope your son does too.
2007-09-26 10:05:54 · answer #6 · answered by unojdee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why were you allowing it to continue when you first found out? I know that isn't terribly helpful at this point and probably makes you feel defensive, but I wanted to point out that if allowed it at all, you are going to get resistance if you change your mind now. But that is just what you need to do. Tough love. Plenty of people smoke pot, but putting smoke into your lungs is bad enough, without adding in the mood altering and ambition-removal of pot.
Why is grounding not working? If he isn't allowed to do anything but go to school, how would he get the pot? Clear out his room of any and all drug paraphenalia. Make him hand over his paycheck until he proves to you he wont' spend it on pot. Take away computer, tv, music, everything but reading and going outside in the yard or work. Drive him everywhere. You have to go back to babysitting your child unfortunately because if you don't he will go right back to it. Most of his friends probably do it as well, so letting him drive to school or even take the bus means he can come and go or smoke behind the neighborhood gas station before school if he wants. Keep talking to him. Do a ton of research online about the effects of drugs, including as much bad news as you can find. Make him read it. Make him do some of his own research. Ask him to write some about why he does it, what he thinks is good about it, what he thinks is bad about it. For a time, this issue will have to be all encompassing, but I believe you can break a habit like this and get him back on the right track. Good luck.
2007-09-26 10:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by Brenda T 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no right or wrong way i can say.. i was the same at that age. Just continue to love and show that you love him no matter what, but say you dont want him to hurt himself.
Its unlikely he will stop soon because his friends are most likely hooked.
Other than that different techniques work with different kids. I know for a fact i hate being told what to do and went out and did it more, try not to lose control and maintain strong he will see how upset he is making you. :)
2007-09-26 09:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by superstan999 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well he should wait until he is out of school but other than that just be happy its weed and not some narcotic
i smoke everyday and i have a great job
i see alcohol as worse then weed
my advise is to tell him, if thats what u want to do than u need to wait till ur out of highschool or ur house
but really u people stop acting like weed is some hardcore drugs
its a plant just like tobacco the only problem is its illeagal
2007-09-26 09:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
1
2017-03-01 06:06:11 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're just not thinking hard enough.
Take away his computer (give him a typewriter if he needs it to do reports and take him to the library if he needs to do research).
Take away his video games.
Take away his car keys.
Take away his phone.
No after school activities
Make him do extra chores like laundry, wash dishes, paint the house, wash the car, mow the lawn, rake leaves.
Make him submit to random drug tests.
Of course, there is a good swift kick in the pants.
2007-09-26 09:58:18 · answer #11 · answered by Rob B 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋