A few months ago I met a man. He's 33, twice divorced and has 3 kids (8 and 11 yo and a 2 yr old - from 2 women), no college degree but he was a professional. Thats not all though, he has been in a very bad car accident and is currently on disability and not able to work. He spends most of his days with his young son and then with me. I on the other hand am 25, no significant relationships (not much experience?), no kids, college degree, good entry-level job. What i do have is an overbearing family (who are impossible and controlling), which basically is threatening to cut me off from the family if i dont break it off with him.
I think I am in love with him, not sure exactly what love is. He on the other hand told me he loved me after 2 weeks of seeing eachother. So the real question is, do i stay with him and risk losing my family or break it off, save my family but destroy him? What do you think?
2007-09-26 08:56:09 · 11 answers · asked by Malena 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
some details :
last week i bumped into my ex-bofriend ( who i was in a relationship with for close to a year) and we talked for a while, he also tried kissing me but I was having none of that. I wasn't really willing to tell that to this guy because I know he is jealous of other guys hitting on me. So when I was in a shower after work (at his apartment, i live with parents), he apparently thought I was behaving "sketchy" and checked my cell phone. I never thought that he could do that and never thought to delete a text message from my ex telling me goodnight and to be careful. So my current one barges into the shower and tells me to get out because I cheated on him. He also compared me to his exwife, who cheated on him. In the end we talked things out and decided to work things out, but I know he believes that I cheated on him (not true), and doesn't trust me. I'm not sure about trusting him either right now. So add that to the situation above... still confused :(
2007-09-26 17:22:27 · update #1
There is no way a person can be in love after a mere two weeks.. he may love things about you, and love spending time with you, but in love? NO!! You can't even know a person after two weeks... getting to know someone takes more than a year, in fact. So neither of you know the other well at all, after only three months.
You really have to develop trust, respect and care to be in love. You need to see how the other person lives -- and that takes a lot of observation. You probably don't even know if you have similar life goals or plans for the future... lots to take into account.
So, there is nothing wrong with you seeing this man, if he TREATS YOU WELL and if you like him. Give things time to work out.
As far as your family is concerned, it's not right of them to try and control who you see, or threaten to cut all ties if you keep seeing the man -- do they have good reason? Well, i guess you have to weigh the odds when it comes to the family.
Just take your time.. don't move in with him (i hope you have not?).... observe, watch, listen and figure out if he's the one for you... these things take time.
take care of YOU. hugs
2007-09-26 09:03:16 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's important is wether you really love him or not. Ultimately, your family is not going to move in with you and love you in the only way that this man could. If he's genuine about his love for you and you are happy with him, then why would you even consider breaking up with him because you're family wants you to? Sooner or later, you will have to make decisions on your own without the approval of family.
If there's one thing I can not stand is seeing family cause break ups when the couple is perfectly happy just because of differences in culture, race, age or income. That should never be a factor.
2007-09-26 09:04:14 · answer #2 · answered by Sicilianguy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should do what you feel in your heart. How long have you been in this relationship? Let your family know how you feel.Tell them currently you all are just dating and you would like to see where it can go. If it is meant to be then it will be. Sometimes we let our family or friends influence us and we knew that what we were doing was right and now you are lost because you lost sight of what you wanted and started chasing other's dreams that they have for you. I say if he treats you like the queen you know you are then keep on going but if he does not then you might need to reevaluate the situation. Either way you choose Good LUCK! Ask God for the answer or sign you have been wanting.
2007-09-26 09:08:04 · answer #3 · answered by ibcookn04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to young right now to be with a guy with that much baggage. Break it off ASAP. It will hurt for a couple of weeks but you will find a new guy and you'll forget all about him. Divorced 2x at age 33? There is someyhing wrong with him. Make it a clean break NOW! you'll understand in a few years and thank me!
2007-09-26 09:02:35 · answer #4 · answered by shock30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what's best for you. Him claiming love after 2 wks, is a huge red flag...and he won't be 'destroyed' if you break up with him so YOUR happiness and future need to be the primary concern here...not how your family feels (they've no right to manipulate you) or how you think he might feel.
Do you feel this person is a good match for you? Good potential as a long term partner? Be objective (put your feelings aside and imagine a friend of yours describing to you the guy she was dating...how would you advise her?)
2007-09-26 09:00:35 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't let anything get in the way. just go away for a few days. leave your cellphone home, don't check your email and relax for a little while. If a ajority of your time is spent thinking about him (positively) than you love him. If you a worrying about your family's reaction for the majority, then break it off.
Good luck, and I hope you follow your heart!
2007-09-26 09:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by Nessarose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
break it off. not because of your family, that's another issue. although it's curious, you don't say why your family doesn't like him.
he couldn't possibly truly love you after 2 weeks, and at 33 he should know better. i wouldn't trust him (not that he's untrustworthy, just that he doesn't have good emotional maturity). twice divorced at 33 and kids with each of them and he 'loves you' after 2 weeks?
RUN RUN RUN
2007-09-26 09:04:40 · answer #7 · answered by gimmegimmegimme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should look at your future goals and see were he would fit in and how he could contribute. He already has kids so you would have to accept them Is he going to work again? These are things you have to think about the compatability factor.
2007-09-26 09:00:32 · answer #8 · answered by pooey_1980 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would break it off with him. To me it wouldn't be worth losing your family over. I hope that you make a good decision.
2007-09-26 09:00:05 · answer #9 · answered by poetry_dreamer2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, i actually think dat if you love him, you need to sit down with your family and really talk to them... and if they still dont want to accept what you want, then you need to tell them you choose him!!! But you really need to think about think, If you really love this man. When we are in "love" we do stupid stuff...... So go for it! =)
2007-09-26 09:08:06 · answer #10 · answered by SW_GURL19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋