So far this is my intro paragraph, but my teacher said it wall kind of buring. How could I make it more interesting?
A few days ago, I was reading through your daily newp[aper when I came upon an article about high-school atletes. I being a soccer player for my school's varsity team was instently interested to see what your article was about. When I was done, I was shocked at what you had considered. You had considered paying high-school athles an income for playing sports. I being in the soccer team since freshman year was offened at your considerment and please allow me to explain why.
Yup, my intro sucks. How could I improve it? My teacher it needs imporovemt to grab her attention.
2007-09-26 08:28:16 · 3 answers · asked by ♫MizzUnderstood♫ 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Other - Education
Whoa, sorry for all the typos. I meant to say my teacher said my intro was kind of boring.
2007-09-26 08:29:31 · update #1
I think your teacher was hitting the lower right hand drawer of his desk. it just needs a little cleaning up:
a few days ago you ran an article in your daily newspaper advocating school atheletes being paid a salary. Having been a soccer player since my freshman year I found this offensive, since sports are supposed to be about school pride and building character. an athelete who gets a pay check isn't going to be playing for school pride. don't we have enough examples in pro sports about greedhead atheletes?
what example do you think paying kids to play sports sends????I would appreciate you justifying your "thought".
2007-09-26 08:52:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try this for a beginning sentence: "I strongly disagree with payment for high school athletes, as you suggested in your article on (date), for the following reasons:... Then, go ahead and discuss the reasons why you disagree. Also, please do a spell check before you submit your paragraph. There are several errors that will easily be corrected by the spell check. Good luck, hope your teacher will like it this time!
2007-09-26 08:35:47 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your teacher. You get all the way to the bottom before you got to the interesting part!
You should begin with the "paying" bit and go from there.
However, I hope you also check your grammar and spelling before turning this in! It's horrible!
2007-09-26 11:02:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋