What can I do to keep my boyfriend from getting angry at me when the baby cries?

Question

I just had a baby 8 wks. ago, and whenever the baby cries too much my boyfriend gets so angry that he can't stand it anymore and takes it out on the first thing that he see's, which is usually me since we live together and I'm the one in charge of her. I'm only 18, I'm a first time mother, and he just doesn't get it. He thinks I should know everything about babies but I don't, naturally. How can I keep my boyfriend from getting angry at me when the baby cries? Please help me. I don't want to end this relationship if I don't have a good reason.

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is an idiot...

It's not your fault the baby needs attention, and if he wasn't prepared to be a father, then he should have thought about that a long time ago.

Have him move out, or go stay with your family. somewhere safe, away from him, before he harms you or the infant.
xo

Answer 2

First of all congratulations on having your baby.

Secondly the best way to keep your boyfriend from getting angry at you when the baby cries is to lift your baby and run in the opposite direction from your boyfriend as fast as you can.

I think your boyfriend feels trapped, i'm assuming that he is young, like you, and judging by his feeble effort at fatherhood, is not ready to be a father. His actions when his child cries are proof of that. Not only does he not seem to have the natural instinct to want to see to his child and soothe them through their tears but he has the nerve to blame you when the crying continues. He is already shirking his responsibilities as a father, and its only been 8 weeks! Is he really prepared to work for the next 20 years to pay for nappies, trainers, clothes etc? I doubt it when he can't even be bothered now. I know a lot of this might seem like guess-work, but lets call it an educated guess. I'm guessing that he would much rather be down the local watching the footie with his mates than being in this situation. He probably feels like his life is over, and in one sense it is, but doesn't realise that if he rises above this challenge, embraces it, that his life is really just beginning.

Its sad but it's true that some get it, some don't.

It's hard to accept that, i know, but sometimes the fairy-tale ending just doesn't happen. Someone you thought you knew you didn't. It might be the hardest 'admitting you're wrong' that you'll ever have to do but once you've accepted that things aren't going to be perfect, they will be a hell of a lot better than they are now.

For god sake do what is best for all concerned, especially your child, and even your boyfriend. Your child needs love, you need support and he needs his freedom. The answer is obvious.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sweetheart, take it from a mom of 3 babies are going to cry and if he can't handle it than he should of used more precaution when having sex. It will only get worse he needs to bond with the baby and help out. There was a case around here where I lived where a baby kept crying the mother had to run to the store she wasn't gone real long but the daddy shook the baby so hard it killed it. You have a right to be concerned it may not seem to be a big deal but it is. Tell your bf if he can't handle the fact that the baby cries maybe it's best if he don't stay with you until he is ready to be the father your child deserves he don't need to be around the baby. Sometimes men/woman just can't handle the fact that a baby is so much work, and when they find out than they don't have much to do with them. They are precious and he needs to understand that when a baby cries it's for a reason and since they can't tell us what they want sometimes it takes a little more time. I wish you luck and please know I did not mean to scare you in anyway. I know you love your bf but till he starts handling the situation a little better you need to figure out some kind of alternative for the solution it's not healthy for you or for your baby. good luck and congratulations

Answer 4

You can't keep someone with a short fuse from overreacting. I know you are 18 and don't know a lot about babies, but you do know enough to see that he may possibly be dangerous to you and her, from what you say in your comments. No one wants a relationship to end, but you may have to choose between your boyfriend and your baby. I know which one I would choose----and it surely would NOT be the abusive boyfriend!

There is no way you can win this one. ALL babies cry!!! You cannot prevent her from crying and the more tension around a baby, the more they seem to pick up on it and cry as a result. Stress affects everyone. His reaction is affecting you and her also. A vicious circle.

If you can't convince him that she is likely to cry more often if he is out of control, then he needs to take "classes" in three areas----anger control, parenting, and relationships. And he could use a crash course in maturity.
Like many others who answered you, I agree that you should not take chances with your safety and you owe it to a baby to protect them. They are helpless and cannot protect themselves. Don't stay in a relationship long enough to become a statistic or to regret what you let happen to your infant. Make a good decision here and put the well being of the little one first.
The best to you and yours.

Answer 5

IF you don't have a good reason???? What if he takes it out on the baby? Have you heard of "shaken baby syndrom"? You should really be concerned that this boyfriend might eventually hurt your baby, or you. It is NORMAL for babies to cry and that baby should be your TOP priority right not, not immpressing your boyfriend.

You should seek some help. Being 18 and a mother is difficult and it is normal to need help from someone.

I really think staying with this guy is going to be a BIG mistake. He obviously doesn't love the baby, so how can you be with him?

Please seek some professional help or do some research on abusive relationships on the internet. I urge you to leave this man!

And I am NOT kidding.

Answer 6

Your hormones are slowly returning to normal and you are probably a little emotional right now, but you have to realize that this is not a good situation for you or the baby. You should not be the sole caregiver for her (I take it he is the father) and he should contribute to her care. Babies cry because that is their only way of letting you know they need something - food, a diaper change, are too warm or too cold or just some love and attention. Your boyfriend has a serious anger management problem and is out of control. Please think this thru. What will he be like when the baby gets older and gets into something? (puts a toy in the DVD player? - will he go crazy and hit her? what if she cries when he watches her while you go to the store - will he BEAT her and possibly cause serious harm?) Please carefully think about what will be best for you and your baby and seek shelter immediately the next time he strikes out (either call the police or go to the nearest police station - they should have information about a woman's shelter for you). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

GET THE F#*% OUT OF THERE WITH YOUR BABY! NOW!!!!!

This is how babies end up dead. Is that a good enough reason? He chooses to be like a 3 year old child throwing a tantrum and taking things out on you... you really want to stay with this creep? I don't care if he's the cutest thing since baby toes, or has a 12" schlong - he is DANGEROUS!

And if he ends up bashing in your baby's head and you know he has a violent temper, as you have admitted here - I would want to press neglect, abuse and child endangerment charges against you as well.

BTW - if the "taking it out on the first thing that he sees" means he hits you - press charges against him for battery. There is no excuse for abuse!

And get your butt back to your parents home or to a women's shelter. NOW!!!!

Don't discuss this with him, just DO IT!

Answer 8

I think your question should have been: What the hell is wrong with my boyfriend, why does he get mad when the baby cries??

What does he expect an 8 week old baby to do? Sit up and start talking!!!!!!

You are a mother now...Your first priority is your baby..Why do you even care when he gets angry??

Answer 9

You don't think that you should end this relationship without good reason? This ABUSIVE relationship? Isn't that reason enough?

I would tell that "boyfriend" to shape up or ship out! You don't need to put up with that, you have enough to deal with. It sounds like he is more of a baby then the 8 week old!

He sounds like a royal jerk and quite immature and I'm sure that you and the baby would be better off without him.

Answer 10

You have a good reason. If he's abusing you that's more than enough reason to get out of the relationship. You could suggest he take some anger management courses, but something tells me if he can't cope with a baby crying for just 8 weeks, he's not willing to deal with improving his disposition.

Good luck!