Assisted Living?

Question

Well, after months of discussing assisted living with my grandparents and visiting the facility we finally got them moved in. They loved it the first day. We came to visit everyother day. Now it has not even been a week and they told us they hate it. She cant move back into her house because they both have dimensia and he had a stroke. He was overdosing and skipping his medication at the house. Last night we dropped in to say hello and make sure they had some ice cream and she just yelled at me. My sweet little 80 year old grandmother told me that she hates me and she is moving back into her house and I can stay the hell away from her. Of course this made me cry which she just said "Why is she crying?" She thinks he agrees with her that they should move home, but she cant understand what he is saying either. They will have to be split up if they leave and he will go into a nursing home. She has lodging a complaint and wants a lawyer. What do we do?

Answer 1

Dementia is a miserable condition which affects everyone involved. She is like my Aunt who, in the first stages of dementia, decided to go to an assisted living home in 2006. She was fine for awhile and then decided she didn't like it. She said some very cruel things to my mother, who was recently declared her legal guardian and fudiciary. She still says things that she cannot recall later and tells things that are untrue about others. Very upsetting.

There is no way that she can go home again. She was even getting into the fuse box and flipping switches and got lost once. She did not take her meds right either. So now, at the home, she gets up in the morning and packs because she is "leaving" and every evening she unpacks. We all visit her as often as we are able, but she has her good days when she seems almost normal, but other days are bad and hard to watch.
They did tell us at the home that dementia can be like that and not to ever take it personally.

What to do in your situation? I would check with their doctor and begin trying to have them declared incompetent. You know they can't possibly go home again at this stage. Pick someone very responsible to be the guardian if you don't want to do that yourself. Then that person should apply to be appointed. I don't recommend letting a guardian be appointed for them if you can keep it in the family. You know them and have their very best in mind. You, or a relative, can act in their behalf better than anyone, but choose them very well.

As far as the complaint and lawyer, I don't think it will fly considering the state that both are in. Speak to the doctor as a first step. And know that she means no harm to you no matter what she is saying. She didn't understand why her words hurt you enough to make you cry. We all have a hard time when someone gets older and we have to be on the receiving end of it. Just love them as long as you have them.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear what you are going threw! I personally haven't had to deal with it,but, I was a care giver for many years in nursing and assisted living. Don't take what your grandmother has said to heart...she has dementia and doesn't know what she is saying! It's only been a week and I'm sure she hates it because it's NOT home. Try and give it some time,you don't want them split up.Assisted living is much better than the nursing home. Do you have power of attorney or is she still in control of things? So,lodging a complaint with who? If she is still her own power of attorney,the court will look at she is 80 and has dementia and isn't able to care for herself and her husband alone. Good luck sweetie,I've seen alot of family's going threw the same through out the years. God bless

Answer 3

You may have to both get a lawyer - to determine competency and a guardian may have to be appointed.

That being said let me let you in on a little secret: I used to be the Director of Nursing for an Assisted Living facility, and the first person an elderly person lashed out at is family. The funny part is that when the family is there they are generally very happy. I used to get calls all the time from distraught family because they experienced events like you mentioned. I saw the other side - the seniors who made friends in their own age range, who enjoyed not having to cook and clean, and loved having activities available for them to participate in. They gained weight, got better control of their health because their meds were monitored, and had a good time....until their victimes (family) walked in and they let loose on them. It's just their way of making sure that their family keeps an interest in them.

Assisted living is an excellent alternative to nursing homes for seniors who can't quite make it at home but are still relatively functional. You've done them a great service by being proactive before they suffered a castastrophic event at home.

Answer 4

they're plenty low-value than nursing homes, have call buttons for private suggestions in distinctive places in case the tenant can no longer get out of the bathtub, the mattress or the settee. there's a communal eating section for events and conferences and issues. There are handicap rails on the hallways. the only i've got seen had extremely long hallways, which may be stable exercising for somebody waiting to stroll without getting out in the climate. It additionally had an elevator so no could climb stairs, and it had extreme secure practices to maintain riff-raff and solicitors out. (visitors could call the tenant who then opens the double door to enable them to in the construction). the only I observed additionally had a small kitchen with a range and refrigerator, only super adequate to make an project-free meal. that is a clean right here and the majority do no longer be responsive to approximately it for the reason that is a block far flung from corporation section, and extremely some the residences have been nonetheless vacant final 365 days.

Answer 5

Talk to your grandparents' doctor... if your grandparents have dimentia, they can't possibly live on their own - your grandfather already overdosed.

The doctor can take steps to sign documents which say that your grandparents are incapable of living on their own, and need to be in a health care facility.

And it does sound as if they do need help

I used to work in a nursing home facility, and many of the people there "seemed" capable, but as i observed, i noticed they really needed to be in that environment for their health and safety.

Please don't let your grandmother hurt your feelings. she is frustrated and disgusted right now... she can't do things she used to, and isn't well... she is lashing out because of it. Just be kind and loving and spend time when you are able. Play games with them or have meals with them -- do something interactive if they are able.

take care of YOu too.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

First, you'll need a competency hearing. If neither of them are competent to make decisions for themselves, then the courts will have to appoint a guardian for them.

Who this will be will be up to the courts. Of course, you or a family member can apply for guardianship, or you can leave it to the courts to decide who will care for them... a choice I wouldn't leave entirely up to the courts, because they don't always know the entire situation.

I have power of attorney for my mother, which does allow me, while she is (fairly) competent, to take charge of her affairs when she cannot, including medical and living arrangements. When she is no longer competent, I'll have to be appointed guardian, and that is done throught the courts.

It just sounds like she is going through some extreme dementia problems, and at some point, she won't even be able to tell what is going on or who you are. It hurts, believe me I know it hurts... but don't take it personally. You (or some other competent individual in the family) simply need to do what is necessary to get them the help they need.

BTW - get yourself a lawyer experienced in this type of case. You will need their expertise in taking care of business.

Answer 7

This is something a lot of us baby boomers are going through with our parents now. What you did is the absolute best thing that could have been done for them. Let them hire a lawyer. There is no abuse going on here or neglect. It may take them awhile to accept that this is the best thing for them. Actually, they are reacting in very childish manner, but that is how seniors get - they go backward. Hang in there. Talk to the nursing staff. Do they have a psychiatrist or psychologist on staff? Good luck.

Answer 8

I work for a company called AFC, here in Michigan, we care for the elderly. What we do is send in caregivers 24hrs to provide in homecare. It's great and it makes them feel better to still be in there home, what state are u in? They have company all over like ours though. Google 24hr care for seniors Good luck and bless your heart

Answer 9

Inform the place your grandmother is threatening to leave. Insist that they put her on an elopement risk list. Raise wholly hell with them if she gets out without anyone knowing about.