Is the Normal 5 year old behavior?

Question

My oldest son just turned 5. His teacher has been having a little bit of trouble with him regarding "silly" things and following directions.

For example, they sang a silly song where they changed the first letter of everyone's name to an "L". She said he got very upset and didn't want his name to start with an L. Today he got upset because she moved his crayons out of his reach while he was sitting - all he needed to do was stand up and reach. He's not being a "pest" on purpose, he genuinely gets upset.

Also, he's very picky about his food. No sauces, nothing grilled, no yellow cheese, it has to "look right", etc.

I really don't feel as though we have raised him this way. I truly think he came into this world "picky" about everything. He's very intelligent with a HUGE vocabulary, but he likes things to be as he likes them.

Is any of this normal for a 5 year old or am I looking at a behavior/personality problem?

As far as food goes, I cook supper for the family. I usually make at least one side dish that I know he "should" like. If he doesn't want to eat any of it (being picky) he doesn't eat anything and only has water for the rest of the night. I don't play those games! :)

Answer 1

Every kid goes through that phase LOL... its very trying too. I have six kids and each one had different things that they seemed to be OCD about.

If it is really bugging you take him to the doc, but IMHO people are way over analyzing things in kids these days... let him be weird for awhile.

Also, be wary of slapping a label on a 5 year old... it sticks with them for the rest of their life, especially in their school records.

AND everyone jumping on the Autism bandwagon... sorry but IMHO not everyone that has a little bit of a quirk should get the label... its going too far these days... can't people just be DIFFERENT, but still in a good way????

Answer 2

I don't know how "normal", as far as being very common, it is, but I know my son acted a lot the same way at that age. He's almost 8 now and nearly grown out of this kind of thing, so there is hope for you! :) Carol Gilligan, a psychiatrist who has done a lot of gender difference studies, says that most boys will go through kind of an identity crisis at about this age. They are just starting to get how boys are "supposed" to act, but many of them are still close to mom and not ready for all that. It can be really hard on them! I am pretty sure that is what my guy was going through. Plus, boys just do mature more slowly, some of them more than others, so they need a lot of patience. As long as he isn't being violent, I'm sure you'll both be fine. The discipline tactics you're using some about right to me. It'll sink in for him eventually.

Answer 3

As a kindergarten teacher, I have seen a lot of kids. Some are just more sensitive than other, some are more picky.
He gets upset, and this worries you because you are a good mommy. Don't worry. This sort of behavior is perfectly normal. He is just a picky kid!

He may be struggling a bit because of his sensitivity. I would suggest talking with him and discussing strategies on how to act when you're upset. Like finding a solution etc...

Kindergarten is a time of transition and for a kid who likes things the way he likes them, it is sure to be a time of some frustration. But if overall he is adapting, try not to worry!! :)

it is possible that he has something like autism, however I would not worry at this point. Is he doing well at school? Does he have friends? Get him checked out by your doc if it will make you feel better, but I suspect that's just the way he is! (sounds like my husband ha ha)

Answer 4

This sounds pretty normal to me. He just started the school year, right? just started kindergarten. My usually very laid back daughter has been a bit more picky, stressed then normal in a very good program. It is just hard to adjust. If he is picky to begin with then a little oddball panicking about bing called L'aniel or L'avid is normal.
I certainly wouldn't worry that you raised him to be that way.
I would wait a bit and see if settling into the school year helps. However, if you are in general worried then call our pediatrician. Certainly there are problems that can have these things as an early sign, but my guess is the vast majority of kids who act like yours are completely fine.
Best of luck and try not to worry too much.

Answer 5

Being the oldest of 5 kids I have seen this behavior before. Example, my brother would not under any circumstances eat his food off a plate that did not have the green trim. We had two, brown and green. I tried tricking him and everything. He would always notice. Apparently, you kids behavior is due to your kids personality. My brother, now 21 still has those little things we know to watch out for. But he may have to learn to control his feelings with outsiders like his teacher. Or it might hurt the social part of his life. Don't worry though. It's perfectly natural. His personality is developing still. He'll get over most things over time.

Answer 6

I wonder if it's more useful to ask if it the behavior is causing big problems for him than it is if the behavior is normal. If once or twice he's upset at school, no big deal. If he's routinely having breakdowns at school over such things, you need to figure out a way to stop it because it's impacting his education (and that of the kids around him). Talking to your pediatrician is one reasonable route to follow in finding solutions (probably not the first route, unless he routinely at home also has breakdowns over issues like your putting things away in the "wrong" spot, etc.) 5 is old enough for role-playing what he can appropriately do when something is slightly not as he expects; you can also gradually expose him to having things not exactly as he expects, coach him on how to respond, and reward him when he manages it. Ask the teacher for her suggestions, and also talk to the school counselor ... again, regardless of whether or not it is "normal," the counselor may have good suggestions for what you can do about it. Good luck.

Answer 7

my son is the same why. not to the extreme that i would say he has a problem, but he is defenately particular about certain things. they don't always have to be the same, but they need to be his way. he loves re-organizing his room, and though it makes no sence to the rest of us, he has worked out some logical method to his madness and it works for him. the trouble is getting him to understand the rest of the world is not his room. he may have control over which way he lines his cars up there, but he is not in charge everywhere.
I found that chores and strict discipline helped. The chore may be pretty pointless, but it is breaking him of the habit of everything going his way. And when he throws a fit, he is punished. If he does the chore correctly and without a major issue, he is praised.
It is also something that comes with time. The extended day teacher dreaded my son coming back after kindergarden, but says that he really matured over the summer.
Good luck!

Answer 8

Not to be mean but do you bend to his every whim..I am just wondering if perhaps he does not have these momentary whims and you feed into them and he sees this a way to manipulate or control you. I am a teacher and if you truly want your child to be a success in life you need to help teach him to deal with things like this, he his young and you should be able to help him deal with things like this. He has to learn now that it cannot always be his way, some things he wont like, and sometimes he just has to deal with it. You can help him greatly by sometimes just telling him...I am sorry we are having this for dinner..instead of making a meal for him separately or changing his to suit his desires. I am telling you this because I have seen children like this in school and most of the time the parents are too Lenient and the child comes to school and acts the same way only to get in trouble or be labeled a trouble child... Once he is labeled a trouble child you will have a harder time because the teachers don't want to put in as much effort into a child who is not going to change. So in my professional opinion you need to start changing the way things are at home and then they will change at school. Good Luck

Answer 9

It's normal to a point. Sounds like my nephew who has a mild case of oppositional defiant disorder. He is a control freak. Check into it. Does it have to smell and feel right, too? Could also be a mild form of sensory integration disorder. Talk to your pediatrician and see if he/she recommends seeing a therapist. It can help you ALL! It generally happens with really smart kids.

Answer 10

Sounds perfectly normal to me. Kids find safety in repitition and when things stay the same. He doesn't like her changing things on him. Maybe he just needs to mature a little more before he can accept that changes do happen. Try changing little things at home with him, not all at once, but say putting his socks on before putting his pants on, stuff like that or combing his hair a little different, something that is not a big deal to you but something that he will notice. Just reassure him that its ok to do things a little differently each time you do them. Good luck.