Is it OK for me to want to move and start a new life with my fiance?

Question

My fiance and I live in the NE and are planning to move to San Diego in 2 years because of the pleasant weather there (both of us hate the snow and cold).

We're both very close with our parents and siblings, and both our families currently live within an hour of where we currently live.

I know they would be heartbroken if we move, especially when we have kids and they would not get to see them that often. Is it bad of us to want to get away and start a new life together across the country? If we could take them all with us, we would.

Please answer without consideration for money, jobs, cost of living, etc. I'm mainly just dealing with guilt issues and whether or not this is all right to do.

Forgot to mention - we're staying where we are to get married next year, but are planning on moving a year after that.

Thank you all so much for your very thoughtful answer. Much appreciated!

Answer 1

You should do what makes you and your fiancee happy. It is normal for people to grow up and move away from home.

Surely, when you have children you'll try to visit as often as you can. That's the best anyone can do.

You know, things change...people come and go, families move away and move back...it's no big deal. Your family will get over any sadness they may have. And who are they to hold you back from pursuing the life you want, anyway?

I say go for it!

Answer 2

It's the right thing if it's what you both want, and you are in total agreement re the new locale. With this sort of thing- if guilt holds you back, you will always wonder "gee, I wonder how my life would be different if we had moved to California?"
Perhaps though you could consider Florida, or a state in the SE- still much warmer than the NE but closer than the west coast. I moved from Long Island to SE Florida in 1992 and never looked back but did feel quite bad leaving my grandmother behind, but she had many friends and other relatives in the area. It's good to consider what family wants and needs but sometimes YOU have to come first.

Answer 3

Do it! You'll still be able to keep in touch with the families. There's text messaging, email and IM, webcams are cheap and another thing that would really help if possible is to get family share plans on your cell phones if you don't already. You cannot let guilt guide your life and choices. You and your fiance have to concentrate on your lives.

I'm sure you know all of this but thought you may need a little reminder. When faced with tough decisions like these we tend to overlook the obvious. Good luck!

Answer 4

Absolutely okay for you to move somewhere else without your family. Although, why sooo far from home? Anywhere else that could give you what you are looking for, just not literally across the country?

Do not feel guilty about wanting to explore. You will just need to remind your family that they are always welcome to visit, and that you will come to visit them as you are able. Plus, I assume you do not have children yet, so that bridge can be crossed when you come to it. Who knows? You may decide you don't really want to live that far away after all. Go and be happy together. Best of luck with whatever your decision...

Answer 5

Once you are married the two of you should start your life and live where you are most comfortable. I moved to California for many of the same reasons that you are sharing. There is a downside to pursuing your dream and that is that it will separate you from your family. There will be many opportunities to see and speak with the family but it will not be as often or as convenient. Only you can determine if the sacrifices are worth it to the two of you.

Answer 6

In all honesty, you need to do what's best for you and your fiance. The life you start is about the two of you, you'll never be able to have a true relationship with one another if you give in to the guilt of other people, especially parents. I understand your dilemma, but please consider this, would YOU want to raise YOUR kids in a place that you're not happy, or do you want to raise them in a place where you are? Be who you are together wherever that may take you.

Answer 7

You should not feel guilty about wanting the freedom to start a new life together. And if you hate the cold, and you stay, you will only be miserable and resent the people who you feel forced you to stay (if they even feel that way at all).

Also, who knows, they may end up moving out to be closer to you! Maybe they hate the snow as well. When people get older, they prefer nicer temperatures.

Answer 8

heavily? you don't comprehend a thank you to tell your fiance which you extremely want the two one in all you in looking a place jointly without his brothers? If i could not communicate approximately some thing this elementary with my "fiance", i does not even think of of shifting in with him in any respect. how are you able to supposedly pledge your existence to somebody once you are able to not communicate some thing this elementary? that is not something while in comparison with the real existence crises you will face as a pair down the line. in the experience that your fiance isn't waiting to renounce the occasion existence, this is high quality. in spite of the shown fact that that is stupid to get engaged to somebody if so.

Answer 9

if that is what you and ur fiancee wants to do then do it because it is the choice you both made together. i know you guys love your parents and sibiling and all but if your just staying to please them then your going to always feel guilty and only do things because you dont want to hurt their feelings. believe if they wanted to move or had the opportunity now i bet they would not stay for you guys. when you marry someone that means a new life and it is all about what you and your husband or wife wants not anyone else.

Answer 10

Make the move. It's never wise to live your life pleasing others. If they want to see you, they need to make plans to visit you. Don't let it be a one way street with you being the only one to visit them all the time.