My friend has a baby boy that is almost 15 months old. Her mom does almost whatever she wants to do with the baby. She has given him gum when he wasn't even a year old. She laughs when he spreads his food all over his highchair tray and my friend is trying to teach him not to do that. Last night they went out to eat and almost as soon as he was done eating, his grandmother picked him up to turn him upside down and my friend told her mom not to do that because he would throw up. Sure enough, he did about 5 minutes later and the grandmother just said "well at least it didn't get on me". My friend says her mom won't listen to her about anything she tells her about the baby, because she thinks she knows everything. What would you do to make your mom abide by your wishes when it came to your child? I don't know what to tell her or what can be done.
2007-09-26 07:13:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I know at times it can be hard to say what needs to be said in love to your parent. At times that can be disrespectful, but when you are the parent and you are responsable for the well being of another life you need to say and or do whatever is necessary to do what you believe is right for that child.
Your friend needs to sit down with her mom at a neutral time...a time when nothing with the baby is happening and their is not already tension happening. She needs to let her mom know that she totally respects her as her mother and loves her dearly. That she is grateful for how her mother raised her and she has learned alot from her. Don't say the word but...this is a "cancelation word" meaning that for example...if your husband were to say to you, "Babe you are the most beautiful woman alive, but..." suddenly it doesn't matter that he said you were the most beautiful woman all that you are hearing now is the "but" the thing that is big enough to cancel everything else out.
So, after she tells her mom all the "good" stuff then she just needs to say that there is an area of concern for her. She doesn't feel that her mom is respecting her wishes with her son...and her mom will probably be surprised and want to butt in and ask how, so she can give examples...like when we went out to dinner...etc. She should also let her mom know that she understands that she is not intentionally underminded, and that is why she wanted to bring it to her attention. Also she could let her know that she would like her mother as an ali in raising her son yet (not but) she doesn't feel like she can do that if her mom is unable to support her in her decisions.
I think your friend would be surprised at the outcome if she approached her mother in this loving and respectful manner. Gauranteed her mother isn't trying to undermine her, she just doesn't take that into consideration and this would probably strengthen their relationship in the long run.
Good luck
2007-09-26 07:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by jhg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A gloating Grandma can be very difficult. But your friend must either tolerate her mother's behavior or simply stay away from her all together. It would be best for the new family, grandma not included, if they simply distance themselves from her until she gets the message. There is no other way to get through to her if the limits have already been set by the daughter and the grandma is still stepping out of bounds. She is either too excited by being a grandma or she needs a lesson in caring about others wishes for their children. She is being quite inconsiderate to say the least. My best advice would be to keep some real distance barriers up and hope that grandma gets the big picture. If necessary, along with the distance, tell grandma what the distance treatment is all about. Sooner or later she will get the point.
2007-09-26 07:29:23 · answer #2 · answered by froggsfriend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is going to have to put her foot down!! If she really doesn't like what her mom does she might have to threaten a little bit by saying if she doesn't respect her wishes then she won't be able to be around the boy. I looks like the grandmother is trying to be the mother. Not good at all she better fix it now before it gets worse and he gets older. The only other thing is if she doesn't want to threaten mention that they could go to family counseling to try and help. Some pediatricians will help too!
2007-09-26 07:22:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That can be seriously dangerous for a 5 week old. The problem is that the risks are small, but can be devastating. So many parents from other generations are uninformed about the new information available, and when you try to explain, they get offended with a "Well, I raised my kids fine, and I did it for them" attitude. It is aggravating, but you have to stand your ground. Make a list of what things are ok (at 5 weeks, should never be anything but milk) while trying to just be clear about how you do value their experience, but this is how you want things to be. Maybe take her along to a dr.'s visit and have them explain what is what. Good luck, it is a hard situation to deal with, looks like many people had such a problem this holiday!
2016-03-19 00:40:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell mom that the next time that she does not do as asked and continues to interfere, then she will not see the child again for a month (or maybe it's a week the first time).
Then stick to it.
There is no use having a meaningful conversation with this woman. She really seems to do this on purpose and not just out of ignorance. She actually seems malicious, but only the daughter can decide that.
2007-09-26 07:23:16 · answer #5 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If talking to her one on one doesn't work, then she'll just have to tell her that she can't see the baby anymore. I mean, this is not her mother's child and her mother needs to understand that. If it WAS her child, I don't think she'd be turning the baby upside down as soon as his last supper bite was swallowed. I can't believe that in and of itself....that's REDICULOUS!!! Anyway....you tell your friend to sit down with her mom and tell her that she does not like nor does she appreciate these things that she's been doing. If that doesn't work and grandma keeps up, then she's got to keep her away from the boy. That's all there is to it. Good luck!
2007-09-26 07:20:21 · answer #6 · answered by Christy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the only thing that can be done is to tell your mom what you need from her and if she can't do it your visits will be far and few between because you feel strongly that your child needs to learn somethings she just doesn't find to be important.
most grandma's back off if your so stressed you threaten you won't be able to visit anymore.
course if her mom is the type that will over react and blame it all on her to everyone she meets it might just be best to frequently have "other" plans when her mom wants to do things with her child and when there are no other plans just keep her child with her every second so her mom doesn't get the chance to over ride her parenting. Eventually she will ask why and you can approach it gently with her then
2007-09-26 07:23:21 · answer #7 · answered by pbj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definately have to remind her that I am the mother. I appreciate the fact that she enjoys spending time with my child but I have certain ways of handeling situations and unless she can abide by my wishes, she won't be able to keep him/her. I want her to be a part of his life but not if she keeps undermining my authority or parenting skills.
2007-09-26 08:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by LaytonsMommy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't, other than to ask that she respect you. She is probably old enough to be pretty set in her ways, and after all she raised YOU so she probably thinks she has it covered.
It has taken 24 years for my mom to figure out I did things OK even if they were very different from her way.
2007-09-26 07:34:19 · answer #9 · answered by rafismom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give her a choice! You are the parent and you are trying to teach your child and she is interfering with that. If she can't respect your wishes, then she shouldn't spend alot of time with the child especially if she is encouraging bad habits.
2007-09-26 07:19:48 · answer #10 · answered by cookiemonster 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋