she was evicted and then came and stayed with my family for 2 weeks. her kids are 19 and 7. the 19 yr old doesn't work or go to school. while they stayed with me they don't pick up after them selves, they don't shower but once a week and then put on the same dirty clothes. my house stunk by the time they left. we paid deposit on a apartment. the apt cost 250 a week and that included all utilites. she gets 900 a month in s.s. from the 7 yr olds dad (died 3 yrs ago). she is now being evicted from that apt. I refuse to take her in again. me and my husband have 2 kids and we both work very hard for what we have. i don't want my house torn up by them. i refuse to get up every morning and go to work so that they can sit and do nothing all day. I have decided to let her go homeless, she has a car to sleep in. i know that sounds really cold. as soon as she is homeless i will call child protection services and have the 7 yr old removed and i will take him in. any suggestions on what to do?
2007-09-26 07:11:46 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think you figured out exactly what to do in your very last sentence! You said it precisely like I would do it! Good for you. Don't let someone sponge off of you and take advantage of your family. As long as little ones are taken care of, then to heck with the 19 yr. old and his mom! They sound just like my sister, who is 38yrs. old. I took in two of her children 6yrs. ago b/c she wouldn't work, or take care of them. To this day, she still drifts around sponging off of people and has nothing! Nor has she ever offered support for any of her children. (she had two more after I took her oldest ones, one deceased and one taken by child protective services and has since been adopted) So I know it's hard to turn your back on family, or so you feel like you are, but I've learned that people put you in a position to make choices, and I'm always going to choose the well-being of my own family over supporting someones laziness! Good for you, again! Do exactly what you said in your last sentence!
2007-09-26 07:26:48 · answer #1 · answered by Jenintn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has been living beyond her means. I know it may sound odd being that she is an adult,but maybe she doesn't have the skills to live within her means, which is made more challenging when people bail her out and don't force her to be accountable for her actions. When you are living anywhere you have responsibilities, paying rent and keeping it clean, and when you are living with someone else one should not impose and should live in such a away that the person you are staying with is not inconvenienced. But you know that ...
if she was living in an apartment which cost 250 a week, that is a 1000 a month.. which is 100 more than she was receiving from SS, one could only assume it was a matter of time before she would realize she couldn't do it financially anymore.
She obviously needs housing she can afford. I would suggest helping her get into a shelter- which would provide her with housing in the short term and in the long term help her secure housing she can afford.
In the means time, you need to set boundaries and group rules of what is expected in your home, and stick by them.
Hope that helps,Ame
2007-09-26 07:31:05 · answer #2 · answered by Ame 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hold off on that CPS stuff...it never works like you think! Instead, let her and the 19 yr old go homeless but offer to take in the 7 yr old without anyone else involved. (you can go to court and adopt or take over custody with the mothers permission if you'd like). Tell her it will be one less worry for her and at least she will know who her kid is with and where. If you call CPS, the mother cannot only get into trouble, but it is very likely they will first place the child in a foster home until you are able to complete the process for becoming a foster parent, which can take months! They don't always just place with family first!
2007-09-26 07:20:51 · answer #3 · answered by blondie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I wouldn't take them back at least her 19 year old son and her. I would only take back our help his 7 yr old son, because he is little and needs help but her and big son can start working and be in dependable (don't need any money support) because they are old enough to find a job. Don't feel bad you are not leaving them homeless you are just helping them, to grow up a little. Not all the time they are going to be lazy and have support from someone like you or anyone else. Another reason you shouldn't take them back is that they'll never mature or be in dependable. They need to find themselves a job.
2007-09-26 07:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by picky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you will take care of her 7 year old while she finds herself a job and gets herself a home and suggest that if she wants to do it faster her 19 year old could get a job as well so there would be two incomes to pay the rent
good luck on it though sometimes the well done feelings don't accompany any choice you make in some decision is
2007-09-26 07:17:51 · answer #5 · answered by pbj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
before you resort to that, tell her what you just said, and offer to let *only* the 7 yr old stay with you until she finds a new place. maybe she'll straighten up. even if she does, it would be very hard for her to get the child back if the state removes him, and you don't want to be responsible for the family's pain if they were split up for good.
2007-09-26 07:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by Ember Halo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation, because you don't want them to be ont he street obviously, nor do you want to make anyone mad, either. You also can't let them walk all over you. If I were you, I would allow them to stay with you, but I would suggest setting some ground rules first and letting them know that if they don't follow your rules under your roof, then they'll be on their own and will have to find a new place to live immediately. Draw up a contract if you have to and make them all sign it.
2007-09-26 07:18:05 · answer #7 · answered by Amanda K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have all the bases covered with a well thought out plan.
I'm proud of you for refusing to enable your sis-in-law any longer. She needs a major wake up call, for sure.
2007-09-26 07:17:33 · answer #8 · answered by boogeywoogy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you keep supporting her than you are enabling her, she has to go through it to get better, if that is the life that she want to live with two kids I would let the kids live with me until she can get her mind right.
2007-09-26 07:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by Taja 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I don't. It sounds like you're really frustrated. I hope everything works out for all people involved.
2007-09-26 07:17:55 · answer #10 · answered by Heather M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋