Questioning your parenting skills.....?

Question

I am a single mother. my daughter will be two in december. i stay home with her because i can't work due to a muscle disorder. i meet with other mom's who more or less brag about how well their child is doing. learning her letters and already potty trained. it makes me feel like i am holding my daughter back. i don't make her sit down for 3 hours a day and have study time. i bought flashcards and we work on those for 30 minutes a day. my daughter is into everything so more than 30 minutes she would lose interest. she has a large vocabulary but she doesn't use it. sometimes i feel like maybe she would be better off being in a daycare. i just don't trust anyone watching my daughter. i took her to a babysitter while i was still able to work and she came home with bruises and marks all over her back and butt. she's happy with me. My sister(really my best friend) has two little boys and i take my daughter over there and she has a blast. She does have interaction with kids her age. is it nor

mal to feel like your not doing all you can? or that what you do isn't the best? sometimes that is how i feel. i mean she has everything she needs she is well provided for. i just hate feeling that other people look down on me because i let my daughter run around the house in a diaper. or that i don't make her sit down for 3 hours a day to study. i want her to be happy and be a child as long as she can.

Answer 1

At two years old they shouldn't be sitting for 3 hours doing flash cards or reading, this is torture. I can see only one thing that I would address that you need to correct, you daughter should be potty trained by now.
I have five children, and 4 of them are grown, the oldest is 22 then 21 19,18 and our suprise is 5 years old
Like you I have a crippling disease that make it impossible for me to be outside in the sun of to hold things and I really have little use of my arms.
But, Children do deserve the chance to be children. We never left our children with sitters, my wife was a stay at home mom for 22 years and still doing it. I really feel that a child should know there alphabet, name and address, phone number and the number 1-10 plus the main colors and shapes before they start kindergarten. Since we have done that will all of our children wh have never had a problem with them being behind in school. But those other mothers you were talking about that make you feel bad, their children are the ones having problems learning, because now at school they have all these kids to play with and talk to that mom won't let them do before. Always study, study and more.
Don;t beat yourself up over the way that you raise your child, as long as they know how to socialize with other children and are able to understand things and you can have a conversation with them, I'm sure that you will see that you did just fine.
So the next time those ladies are around bragging about their children, just look at them and smile, you don't need to say a thing. Because YOU know that your child is just as smart as their child and you don't have to sit around and brag about it because you have a better family and life style then that!
Welcome to parenthood! Just wait till their teenagers!
Our Best Regards!

Answer 2

Don't let other mothers get you down. Parents like to brag about their kids, usually the mother. :) For some reason we like to one up each other on the abilities of our kids. Other times they are just a proud parent wanting to share their child's accomplishments. You cant rush the learning of your daughter....if she isn't ready you will both become frustrated and it may turn her off to the subject completely. I dont really think toddlers that young need a study time. I unfortunately do have to work full time...so I dont have time for a 3 hour daily study session anyway. I help her learn by pointing things out and describing their attributes. For example..shell point and say "car mommy!" Ill tell her something like.."that's right! its a car. the car is blue!" or "Can you see the dog? What sound does the dog make?" I bet you are doing just fine in raising her. My daughter doesn't sit still either...she hardly makes it through an episode of Dora. There is nothing wrong with her..she is perfectly normal. :)

Answer 3

Trust me, your child is doing just fine! My daughter didn't do any of that stuff at age 2! Around then was when she really started talking (no joke! By her 2nd birthday I had a little parrot running around the house! LOL) Then she started learning colors, and she just now is potty trained (daytime only) at age 3! I feel the same way you do, like I don't do my part in teaching her things cuz I don't think of it often. But she picks things up at the sitter's, from being around other kids, and she is just fine for her age. Yours will be fine too! She already is, as you have mentioned! At least sitting with her and making the effort is something, and it's more than enough for now! It's easier at that age to use everyday experiences for teaching the basics, and that's just fine.

Answer 4

Just keep in mind that every child is different. Your daughter is developing at her own pace. You are doing the right thing by playing with her, making sure she has interaction with other children, and gently introducing her to new concepts (like the flashcards) If you sat her down for three hours a day to read and study, then she wouldn't be a child anymore. As long as you love her and give her the attention that she needs (without spoiling her, I know it's hard to do!) then she will turn out just right. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Every kid progresses at their own pace. Both my kids did numbers/colors/letters/shapes/etc before age two without flashcards, but my 3.5YO still isn't potty trained. I just read to them A LOT (20+ books a day), at their insistence, not mine. I also took them to storytime at the library, playdates, and the playground so they interacted with other kids regularly. I did finally put them in a mother's day out program two days a week so they could have social interaction and independence from me, but that was after extensively looking at the program and caregivers and watching them watch other kids.

I know my kids are ahead of the curve on many things, but also behind the curve on just as many things, and that's alright with me. I don't brag about it. If other moms ask, I'll tell them, but I don't make a point of discussing their progress unless I'm asking about their child's progress for my own information.

Only you know what's best for your child. Don't let anyone else let you feel guilty for doing what you think is right.

Answer 6

You are doing fine! She is not even two yet! Maya potty trained early because she wanted to do what Mommy was doing, not because I was super mom. And your child should not be sitting down to study for 3 hours a day anyway, not at this age or up until school age.

Just use your play to teach her. When you are coloring together, then draw her name. Tell her "this says your name" then read the letters to her.

A good book to read would be "The reading remedy" by Marion Blank her website is www.phonicsplusfive.com

She says there are 6 skills of reading (phonics being one of the). While it is way way to early to expect to teach your child any of this, it is good to be informed of different ways of teaching. She also has a little exercise to do at the beginning of the book to help us understand how it feels for our children who are just learning.

Another great book is 'the secret language of children' by Dr Lawrence Shapiro. It is a great resource on how to communicate with your child.

Also, check out education.com

it has all kinds of info about where your child should be and when. Your little girl has plenty of time to grow. Go to meet up.com and look for some mommies in your area with kids the same age.

Just remember, your child is better off with you, playing right now. Children learn through play at this age, not through sitting and studying. Also, look up books on the Montessori method. It is the easiest and most fun way I have found to teach little ones (though I do not buy into the whole theory, i Tailor it to Maya's needs).

Answer 7

My children are grown but the one thing I will tell you I remember the parents bragging that their 1 year olds were potty trained. Huh?? Excuse me... the parents are trained!!! You'll know when certain things need done. Parents like that make me sick. You are right about enjoying childhood as long as they can because nowadays they grow up too fast. Don't fall into the my kid is smarter than your kid trap. Sometimes their little Johnnys grow up to be real morons. You'll know. My 2 year old grandson doesn't have flashcards and hes smart just by observing everyday things and using his imagination and playing with the other toddlers. You do the best you can for her and she'll be just fine!

Answer 8

Yes this is normal. I feel the same way sometimes. My son is 3 1/2 and I haven't put him in a daycare yet. I feel bad at times because he's so smart and needs that social interaction but also I'm afraid of trusting people with my child. Don't let others make you feel bad because they raise their kids one way and you don't. I wouldn't sit with my child with flash cards either. I haven't and my son is smart as a whip! I think people try to make their kids grow up too fast. I wouldn't worry as long as she's happy and healthy and plays with kids from time to time, she'll be alright.

Answer 9

If you are providing your daughter with love and support and her basic needs you are doing the best you can. Don't compare with other mothers. As a mother myself I went through this before, listening to other mothers brag about how smart, talented, etc their child was and I would feel I was lacking something. Of course I do feel my son is smart, talented etc.
Remember each child develops at their own speed. My son wasn't potty trained till almost 3. I think kids who stay at home with a parent do just as well as children who go to daycare. My son just started kindergarten and adjusted well, he never went to daycare.
I would relax she is only going to be 2. Don't force to much on her. Her attention span will get longer as she gets older. Enjoy the time while they are young she will be out of her own before you know it. Good look to you.

Answer 10

Yes, it's normal to feel that way. However, you have to believe in yourself and what you're doing. You can't worry about what other people think. People brag and exaggerate the truth...ignore them. I personally wouldn't let my child run around with only a diaper because I believe that people (including children) should be dressed during the day. It's about teaching normal daily routines to me. But, if you don't think that way, so what? Do what you want. However, if you are really hung up on what others think and can't just ignore them and it's making you upset - do what you need to do.