Can you say "NO"? And make it stick?

Question

Why can't parents say "NO" anymore? Soooo many parents I see nowadays are so ineffective that they may as well not be there! Seriously, I'm only 36, I'm not old, but when did parents become so scared to upset darling little Johnny, because we don't want to hurt his feelings by stopping him from running around like a zoo animal!?

Can you say no to your kids and make it stick?

My3boys- I'm not in the military, so I'm not concerned about soldiers. If you don't like the question, you know what to do....

Answer 1

my dad can. believe me. i think it's his favorite word sometimes.

Answer 2

It is easier for some parents to give in, so they do. That way they don't have to handle the screaming, and other painful fits children can throw.
You have to keep to what you say. I have had to leave the movies and the zoo only once when they were younger, after telling them in the car before we even went in, if you throw any kind of fits or get a case of the gimmies we are leaving.
My children as well as my nieces and nephew know that when I say no I mean it. They are almost all teens now and they know that they can work towards rewards, cleaning, helping out around the house...but if I said no, no matter what they do, thats it.

Answer 3

I have no problem saying no to my children or my step child. Even my nephews and nieces for that matter and I do not change my mind. No is NO!

I think many parent (and I will be 36 this weekend) are to concerned about being a "friend" to their child and not a real parent. When I was growing up Im sure my feelings were hurt more then once or twice by my parents with a stern NO and I survived! My husband has this problem with his 7yr old daughter he can not tell her no and leaves it up to me to "be the bad guy" but Im always telling him "be her parent not her damn friend she'll have plenty of those in life"

I'd also like to add this:
When I tell my husband he needs to have a talk with his daughter or tell her she cant do something or if she whines because he is going somewhere and he doesnt want to take her with him I asked him why he gives in his response was "I dont want to hurt her feelings" As I stated before I have no problem telling a child no if you dont do it when they are young imagine how they will act as teenagers!

Answer 4

Absolutely. When I say "no" in means "no" not "maybe" or "ask me again later."

That being said, I also say "yes" quite a bit and "ask me when your finished your homework" LOL

Sometimes people say "no" as a reflex and then relent when the kid begs or whines---which of course teaches the kid to beg and whine even MORE.

When I say "no" it is because I mean it---not because I am brushing them off or too tired to deal. So when my kids hear "no" they give it up and move on.

When I see folks who say "no" and allow their kids to wheedle them into changing their minds I wonder what the kids are learning---there are no limits??? you can get what you want if you put up enough of a stink???

I have been to birthday parties where kids have been dumped by their parents and they run absolutely wild and no one wants to say anything to them. In the lastb couple of months I have seen kids break things (a door, a piece of furtniture) at birthday parties.

I actually stopped a 6 year old from throwing rocks at some other kids----the other parent in the yard with me didn't want to say something to someone else's child! Okay, he's six and throwing rocks at people and his mom is not here---so you let him whip rocks at people?

It is crazy. I'm not going to stand by and watch him bean my child or anyone else's with a rock the size of an egg or baseball.

Whew---sorry. Too many birthday parties lately with wild kids. I can't believe people drop off 4, 5 and 6 year olds who clearly have no concept of rules, boundaries or appropriate behavior and just drive away for three hours.

Answer 5

Yep. Once I say 'no' I never ever go back on it.

Of course, that doesn't stop the tantrums or a determined willful child, so sometimes I have to get harsh with him... including spankings if he is determined not to obey me.

I do try to keep my rules reasonable, but very young children are not rational creatures. I keep waiting for the day when he understands there's a reason behind 'no'. And 'get back in bed'. And 'no dessert if you didn't eat your dinner'. And 'I've already given you the blue plate, you can have the purple plate tomorrow'.

Answer 6

Because they are lazy and it's easier than arguing or dealing with them. I told my kids no and when they asked why, I told them that I was their Mother and could. I have two grown sons and are proud of them for being decent, loving young men. Sometimes you can explain why, but a child needs to know who's boss.

Answer 7

I couldn't agree more, a star for you. I sure ain't raising my child like that, kids need boundaries, structure and guidance. When neither reasoning nor saying No don't work a little spanking won't do any harm. A star for you.

Answer 8

I said "no" to my Brownie troop. And one of the girls said (when she thought I couldn't hear) "Oh she doesn't mean it. She'll let us do it."

What a shock it was for them to actually be sent home! I did mean "No". (And yes, they had earned the "no" and had been warned). I had a whole lot of unhappy parents on my hands - but also a bunch who understood that there are consequences.

Answer 9

I can say no and make it stick! yeah i understand what you mean alot of parents just give in now a days!

Answer 10

My boyfriend looks him in the eyes says "no" and explains why so there are no questions later.

Answer 11

Wow, aren't we judgmental today.

You can say no and make it stick, but you have to pick your battles. It's about winning the 'war' overall, not making sure your child is an obedient little soldier at every minute.