Is it wise to confront a parent's kid who is giving my kid a hard time in school?

Question

A couple of kids in my daughter's school is giving my daughter a hard time and I am getting really fed up with it. I told the counsler and she says just as long as they don't threaten her. She says that my daughter needs to learn to ignore it. MY daughter doesn't say much to make conflict. She keeps it in her without speaking out but I have noticed when she does get annoyed on what's happening in school she does take it out on me with her attitude and snapping. I am about ready to confront one of the kids mother who we were friends a little while back and I ended that friendship because she really hurt me. She has Bipolar and OCD. When we weren't talking for about a month and a half. Then one day I drove by her place. Then I saw the Fire truck and parametics. I called her to see if she was ok. Never returned my phone call. Then I saw the next couple of days and she was fine and she was avoiding me. That's why I ended it. Should i just say nothing and let it go?

My daughter has no classes with either kid. This happens on the school yard. MY daughter is in the 7th grade. I am being overly protective?

The one mother has bipolar has a son and he also bipolar and autistic. This boy has gone so many "Anger Managment" classes. He has so much hate. I feel for him too because his mother has put him through so much. She is has tried to kill hersrlf several times and he found her the last time about a year ago. That's why she had to get shock treatments for 7 months. That's why I got so scared when I saw the Fire truck. But there is no reason to take it out on another kid. Sorry!!!

The other child is a girl and she has been through a lot herself. She doesn't have her mother due to drinking. She was in Foster care for 2 months early last year. She lives with her grandmother who thinks she is "PSYCHIC". She gave me a reading it nothing came true. This girl is very jealous. This woman I will not have any contact with. Put it this way. Both kids are very unstable. I want to make the right choice on my actions. I don't want to make things worse than they already are.

That's the problem. She told her son everything and then he takes out on my daughter. When this boy gets angry you just nothing but evil. It's pretty disturbing if you ask me. His mother treats him like an adult. When we were friends she would tell me that he is getting very sexual and she tells me that he masterbates. What really bothered me the most wat that she was telling be how big he is and not only once she has told me. That is really off to me and not right.

New update: The counsler called me and she said if any of the kids confront my daughter then my daughter needs to tell someone. Then she said other than that she has to build a tougher skin and learn to deal with it. These kids are very lucky I have the Lord because I would confront this a different way and it wouldn't be nice. No kid should have to put up with this abuse. I was bullied all my childhood life and I became a very angry girl. I can tell you this....My daughter is a whole lot stronger than I am. It hurts me so much to see your own child get hurt. Takes away a pieace of a mothers heart,.

No kid has nay right to bully anyone because they are going through their own problems as the counsler says. It's a joke. My daughter has not done anything to deserve this nonsense

Answer 1

Bipolar and OCD? I don't think you should talk to her. My usual advice would be, yes, of course you should talk to the parent but only after you let the kids figure it out for themselves.

I have found that sometimes my kids just dump all their frustrations out when they get home. I get all sad or crazy for them and worry about the situation. What I don't realize is that once they've dumped they feel better and don't even remember the situation the next day. Meanwhile I've been worrying and wringing my hands over the situation. When mom gets too involved it sometimes makes things worse.

Perhaps you and your daughter need to hear the other side of the story. Your daughter may be leaving out important information (not on purpose, it's just that her perspective may not notice things) like what she may be doing that she doesn't even realize. Talk to some of her teachers and get their perspective. Talk to the counselor again and have her observe the situation for a couple days. Find out the whole story before you say or do something you'll regret! Consider working through the school instead of the parent. And, if you're daughter is suffering do not take let the school do nothing. Keep bugging them!

Encourage your daughter to find ways to resolve the issue herself. She may need to learn to have thicker skin. She may need to ask her other friends what they think is going on. She may need to not wear her emotions on her sleeve--if mean kids detect weakness they go after it.

Answer 2

You should speak to the parents an adult has no business confronting a child one on one. You daughter does not deserve her treatment and if the mother is unwilling to do something take it up with the school principal.

In the meantime you can give your daughter some tips to make her life easier and chances of being bullied less. First tell her to walk with friends between classes as bullies are less likely to confront a person in a group. Second when she is on the playing field tell her to always sit in eyes view of a prefect or teacher on duty. I guarantee the bully will not dare try anything. If a bully does end up in class speak to the teacher to make sure they are seated as far away as possible from one another.

Answer 3

Well that is a slippery slope my dear not because you would be jeopardizing your friendship with the mother but because the mother may not care enough to put a stop to it. Sadly parents are not parents anymore, if it were my kid I would put a stop to it if some one told me my daughter was doing that but I am a in a dying breed of what could be considered a good parent.

Answer 4

They are probably being mean to her because her mother is telling them things about you and your daughter. You could say something to her mother but I wouldnt say that it would be a very good idea. You said you talked to the counselor but is there any way you could talk to her teacher? Then when her teacher witnesses it she can try to get them to stop? I really wouldnt confront her mother I think it would just cause more problems for the both of you.

Answer 5

I would confront them before it does escalate to something worse. The only downside is that the parent might ignore it and then the bully will get more aggressive because she told on them. The if all else fails bring the police into it. It's better to be on the safe side with all the crazy things happening at schools these days.

Answer 6

Okay, first it sounds like you need to let go of whatever problems you were having with this woman. It is not worth it. Secondly, if you are going to talk to a child's parent, you need to stay focused on why you are talking to them in the first place. Do not bring up what happened in the past. I would also recommend talking to the other parent in the presence of the school counselor or administrator so that it will not be akward. This way you can have the children there and they can discuss what is bothering them. Other than that, you have to realize that school is never going to be easy and no one will always like your daughter. She is going to have to learn to stand up for her ownself.

Answer 7

Bottom line up front - your daughter has to come to a conclusion and seem responsible for the conclusion. She needs to determine a way to "stand up" and it has to be her decision how to do it. If she's not comfortable with the decision being hers ... she will be tormented for a long time. I would keep in ming the philosophy of "love thy enemies". When they show anger ... she needs to reciprocate with love. She can't show how it affects her, and she needs to come to the conclusion that it's her decision to take this approach. You need to facilitate with her to come to a decision on how to handle it and that she is responsible for the outcome. Explain to her that there is more to the other family than just being mean (without the details). She must understand that it's not her ... and she is fine exactly how she is. Reinforcement on your part is crucial in the whole process ... especially if things don't go as well as expected on the first try.

Answer 8

Depending on the age of your daughter, I would speak to the parents of both girls. If your daughter is an older teen, then she has to realize that there are hurtful people in this world. I would also suggest that you sit down, and explain to her, that when she takes her frustration out on you, she's hurting you as well.

Answer 9

Im sorry to let you know but if you say something to the kids or the kids parents things for your daughter will just get worse. The kids parents are probably just as bad as the kids, where else would they get that from? but talking to them is just going to make things worse trust me i was once in that situation and its not fun. just talk to you daughter about maybe she can change classes or something to avoid them. what ever they are making fun of maybe she can just say something good back to them that will make them shut up.

Answer 10

how old is your daughter?
if she is young then I would confront the parent but if she is older she might not want you too.

Did you call the principal? and what is it exactly that they are they are doing to her?

I wouldn't say anything if her mother is bipolar..
These kids both seem to have very troubled lives-most bullies do-not that it is right but it explains alot.
Maybe the counselor can talk to ALL of them at the same time-why don't you suggest that?