I know it is somewhat important for a relationship to have intimacy...however, sex is not something I have any interest in...in fact, i am scared of it. It is painful and just not worth it. I actually think that unless you want a child, it is dumb. I dont enjoy it and I am starting to think that it is because my mom made sex look unappealing my whole life. I feel dirty and unhappy....even if my boyfriend and I make out...We are planning on getting married soon...in life six months, but I dread our honeymoon. I dont know why I have this hatred for it. My boyfriend is very understanding...but I feel awful because I do get turned on, but I never want to act on it. Its very frusterating when I cant even enjoy a long kiss. I am scared to death of a gynecologist...I tried to go, but I cried so hard that I just drove home. Maybe someone out there can tell me why I am so strange? Do women actually enjoy sex? It doesnt seem like I will ever warm up to my sexual side!!!
2007-09-26 03:40:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
wow, what you're describing is like an actual phobia!!
i would seek counseling...seriously, i know that advice is tossed around alot on here, and i frankly think we all hold the keys to helping ourselves, however, sometimes i think some professional help is needed.
in your case...i think it is TOTALLY needed.
yes, many/most women enjoy sex and even crave it. it is normal to have sexual desires and act on them. it's even normal to have desires and act on them in public.....i.e. kissing, hand holding, and maybe even a sneaky lay in a dicreet location.
honestly, honey, i'd talk to someone and try to work through this fear.....you're life with your husband to be might get soooo muhc better!!!
sex can be such a beautiful thing....two people, literally joined together and moving as one whole being and you have all these sensations of touch and hearing each other's breathing and gasps and looking into each other's eyes and feeling each other.....
it's exteremely erotic.
please talk to someone:)
2007-09-26 03:53:31 · answer #1 · answered by joey322 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I can say that I had sex before I got married but it was with my boyfriend that became my husband later. I can't say that it is wrong because them I would be telling you to do something that I myself didn't do. Here is the way that I look at it. Men can sometimes love you long enough just for sex and then they are done with you and they move on to the next girl. If I would have waited for my wedding night, I believe that it would have been more special to both of us. My biggest thing has to be, whether you believe it or not, there is just having sex and then there is making love. For me, I had waited and never had sex at all until I was 18. I was dating my now husband at the time and we had had a few dates and I will say that the night that we finally did have sex, it was really special for the two of us. I have never forgotten that feeling of making love that first night. Everything just fell into place and it is like it was meant to be. I knew that I loved him so for me, it was making love, whether he felt that way or not. I had saved myself for that moment in my life. It just so happens that he felt the same way and we have 2 children and have been married for 20 years now. I think it is a personal decision that you have to make and you will know when you are ready, whether it be before or after marriage. Sex is great but love making is breath taking and a moment you will never forget. Good luck with your decision. You will make the right the one. I hope this helps.
2016-04-06 01:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! It sounds like you might need some professional help with your fear of sex. Do women actually enjoy sex, YES.....personally, I enjoy sex very much with my husband. Maybe your boyfriend needs to be more sensitive towards your needs when having sex. Have you ever had an orgasm? That in and of itself will make you want to have sex. Most women are scared or uncomfortable when going to the gynecologist but it's something we have to go through. Do you want children in the future? I'd be careful when you say that your boyfriend is very understanding. He might be understanding now but what happens after your married and you don't have sex. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't go elsewhere for it.
2007-09-26 03:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by Jellybean had her little bean 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how old you are. But please dont take this the wrong way. I think you have serious issues. It is not your fault but i do believe that you should seek professional help. Sex is a wonderful thing. Especially if you are in love with somoeone. It should be something intimate and special. You can not go through life with this irrational fear and disdain for sex. You would be missing out on such an important part of your relationship. And not to sound too harsh, as patient as your man may be, his patience will run out. I hope you work through your problems and lead a healthy and happy life. Best of luck to you
2007-09-26 03:49:04 · answer #4 · answered by Michael F 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to answer, assuming you are of legal age.
It seems as if your mother has helped warp your attitude when it comes to sex. There may be some other factors that have affected you too.
You will find there are millions of women all over the world who enjoy sex and do not find it painful. I guarantee that the vast majority of women enjoy it to some extent or another.
In fact if you find it painful you either have a medical condition, or your partner is doing it wrong.
My suggestion is that you see a therapist to talk about why you are feeling this way. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and unless you can get over these issues, there is a good chance that your marriage will suffer.
Also you need to get over your fear of going to a gynecologist. There are various important examinations that need to be performed regularly on women to keep them healthy and watch for various serious illnesses. Perhaps you can see a female one, or perhaps you can take someone with you for confidence.
I also agree with those who suggest you masturbate regularly. Until you learn to enjoy your own body, it is hard to imagine that you can enjoy yourself with a partner.
2007-09-26 03:44:31 · answer #5 · answered by ZCT 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
this is a big problem. i think u need a psychologist too. u certainly need alot of sex in ur marriage. sex heals alot of wounds in marriage. u need to work on it even if u think that ur partner is understanding. take the courage to face it. u need the therapy seriously. wash some adult movies too if u can and since u get turned on some times i advise u to make a conceous move to have sex frequently. i believe u can get over it. i wish u luck!
2007-09-26 03:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not trying to be rude but have you ever thought about seeking counseling? Sex is supposed to be a normal, fun part of our lives. Please note I am not giving any judgment or commentary on premarital sex, marital sex or other. I am just saying, it's supposed to be something you enjoy and have fun doing with whatever partner you choose.
2007-09-26 03:46:31 · answer #7 · answered by Kiwi 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You really need to speak to a professional about this. But until then......
I suggest you get to know your body. Exspecially your genitals. Masturbation will give you confidence and security about your body.
Sex is very enjoyable. Although not everyone can do it correctly. It takes practice, and a lot of it. Good luck.
2007-09-26 03:46:30 · answer #8 · answered by donniez369 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes women do and it isnt painful. You need to see a gyno you could have a condition that is causing your muscles to contract involintarily (because you have phychological issues) So see a shrink too . Sex is great and you are missing out.
2007-09-26 03:44:15 · answer #9 · answered by actingout 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you are having a hard time convicing yourself that sex isn't dirty.Do you love your boyfriend??If so then you should WANT to get to know him physically.But there ARE some woemn out there who do not enjoy sex or the idea of it.Maybe you could try therapy or hypnosis or something.best of luck!!
2007-09-26 03:46:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋