Ok, my g/f and I have been going out for roughly a year and a half now. I've never cheated on anyone before in my whole life...however...when we had reached our 6 month into our relationship, I started hanging out with my ex girlfriend. We made out once...we tried to have sex however...I didn't want it. I guess I was testing myself to see if the girl that I was with was the one for me by trying to get with another girl. Once we got down to it, I couldn't get a hard on so of course we couldn't have sex. I think god striked my goods and told me "NO HARD ON!" Anywho, its been around 8 months since that, were going on a year and a half and I never told my g/f because it was a one time thing and after that experience I now know that the girl Im with now is the one for me. So the big question is, since it was just a fling...should I tell her now, 8 months later about it? Or should I just let it go? I dont hang out with my ex anymore so n/p there. I dont want to ruin what we have now.
2007-09-26 02:37:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I just dont want to ruin what we have now. And since it was just a fling...and I was really using it to see if this girl was the one for me, the one I want to marry, I wanted to test myself to see if my heart was going the right way. I know its the wrong way to find out...but I dont ever want to do it again. Its wrong and a complete guilt trip. =/
2007-09-26 02:39:26 · update #1
If my g/f did what I did, I know for a fact that I wouldn't know about it, so if she did the same thing I did to find out if I was the guy for her, and then realized I was the one and promised herself she would never cheat again then I know for one I would not want to hear it 8 months later and two, atleast she's with me knowing truly that she wants to be with me instead of having that question "What if" haunting her for the rest of her life. So as far as Im seeing the comments, the majority say no dont tell her but Im stupid for doing what I did, and yes I know that. I agree with not telling her because of the controlling issue, possibly breaking up and ending what could of been "meant to be." If I dont get anymore comments, Im sticking with not telling her and we can live our happy lives. The guilt trip will easily subside after a couple of years of having people agreeing with my decision always helps decrease the guild trip. Thanks everyone for your feedback it really helps.
2007-09-26 02:51:03 · update #2
As stated in one of the comments, If I tell her, 8 months from when the "fling" happened, what if she is a control freak. Yeah she might understand but she might be controlling for the rest of our lives! Never allowing me to hang with my buds, my days to the bar will be no more. I will have no freedom when we get married. And I will give her fear to worry for the rest of our lives that I might do it again even though I know I wont after how its hurt me. It hurt me greatly but after hearing from you guys, Im more at ease with the situation.
2007-09-26 02:59:17 · update #3
Yeah, it was wrong you dumb @aa. As far as telling, the answer is no, no, no. Never do it again, & never tell. You talk about opening a can of worms. If she doesn't leave you, this will follow you to the grave. She will never forget it.
2007-09-26 02:45:34 · answer #1 · answered by nhuvi j 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people might say, "Let the past be the past. Since you've let your ex go completely then don't mess with the status quo."
We're all imperfect and make mistakes from time to time. It's understandable. But, brother, it would be better for you to fess up now about what happened to your girl then if she were to find out later.
The decision is up to you though. The question you got to ask yourself is whether or not you can live without telling your girl.
Yea it was a very unwise decision to test yourself with your ex. How would you feel if your girl had done the same thing??
Resolve to not cheat ever again. Never again.(That's the best advice I can give you)
2007-09-26 02:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by jose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her. I know it's going to be hard and take a lot of courage and maybe even a heart break, but you should tell her and let her know how hard it was for you to say something and let her know how you're scared of losing her and everything. If she's decent, she'll forgive you and know that you'd never do it again. at least she'd know you're honest with her, you care, and that you never want to do it again. if she looks through all of that for the one bad thing you did, then just let her see that you don't want to ruin it and that you're so sorry and it wouldn't happen ever ever ever again. Just let her know, no matter how many times and efforts it takes if you love her so much and she'll understand. If you hide it, it could be bad because she might SOMEHOW find out and she would have lots of reasons to get rid of you, because you were dishonest, you didn't care, whatever. And then it'd be ruined. It's been a long time and the saying gets old and annoying, but, really, it's better late than never. Just tell her and she'll understand. oh, don't be afraid to tear up a little;) j/k, but if all else fails, try try try try try try try try try try try again and she'll really really appreciate it. good luck!!
2007-09-26 02:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by UniversalGalaxy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it was justa fling and it happened 8months ago, why does it bothers you so much now? Dont you think that just by carrying it with you makes you more guilty? You should have talk to her right after that, if she really loves you, even if it hurts (I know it will) she'll find it in her heart to forgive you, dont you have any confedence on her ability to be UNDERSTANDING and FORGIVING?
ANd since you havent told her yet, I think it would be better to tell her now, if not, you would just carry it would you god knows how long, and it would make no good to your relationship. Atleast if you tell her now you could leave the past and your burdens behind. Then you could move on.. and make a new start.
2007-09-26 02:51:12 · answer #4 · answered by potpot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt say a word, it may very well ruin your chances with this female. I do think what you did was a little foolish on your part. Thats not the way to find out if she's the one. Putting yourself in that predicament only shows what YOU are made of, it doesnt assure anything other than YOUR feelings, not hers. Anyhow, I'm one to believe that what ever is in the dark will always come to the light, may not today, tomorrow, could be years from now. Good luck in whatever you choose.
2007-09-26 02:46:48 · answer #5 · answered by teri is ambience 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey hun, although it was wrong of you to do what you did, i would just let it go. Its not worth losing what you have over a mistake. We all screw up and do stupid things.If you truely care for this girl just make sure you are honest from now on!!! If something else does happen between you and someone other then your girl, you should let her know as hard as that can be.
2007-09-26 02:48:49 · answer #6 · answered by JB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, it was in the past, it did not really happen anyway, so it will only hurt her!!! You have a good relationship with you present girlfriend, Keep the past int the past. The ex girlfriend was just trying you out, it did not work out so for get about it and enjoy what you have and do not ruin it.
2007-09-26 02:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by chez006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
..obviously you're racked with your own internal mental personal shame and guilt and anguish over this covert incident here partner....and you do need to go and relinquish this mental monstrosity with God and yourself in a privately constructive way resolutely. ( go to a Catholic Priest no matter what your personal faith is, and confess your sins to him quite openly and honestly!)
Your now present relationship and girlfriend would be highly and mentally be injured and self sabotaged if you told her about your erroneous serious error here, and you would absolutely feel the wrath and pain of her direct punishment and disappointment in your own unacceptable bad behavior. Go make peace with God and yourself first dude.....and then don't wreak havoc with your girlfriends mind by exposing this unearthly act to her unwittingly. I think you've suffered quite internally enough dude....just don't ever think about ever remotely testing anyone's patience ever again...including your own dude....got it? YOU are responsible for your own best behavior....not her really!
2007-09-26 03:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by scott s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you shouldnt have needed to hook up with your ex grilfriend to know that your feeling were true for your current girlfriend. How would you feel if she hooked up with her ex boyfriend to see if she really liked you? You would be furious. Second, if you want to stay with her do not even think of telling her. Your clean conscious will hurt her more than your guilty one is hurting you. If you really love her and want to stay together keep it to yourself. You deserve the guilty conscious.
2007-09-26 02:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by Miss Marie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say anything. It was EIGHT months ago. If my bf did that to me 8 months ago I wouldn't WANT to know. I mean, if your conscious is forcing you, then definitely tell her (if it's something you'll never be able to get off your mind), but I would honestly just leave it at this point. I'm not a cheater, but that's my opinion.
2007-09-26 02:42:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋