help my child is out of control?

Question

i have 3 sons a 10 yr old, 21 month old and 9 month old.My problem is the middle one all three have been brought up the same way with the same rules etc but he is just totally out of control, he is violent to everybody going out anywhere is a nightmare as he is a complete houdini at getting out of his buggy then he just runs off causing chaos as he goes.At home it is as if he just tries his hardest to be as naughty as possible.I have asked my health visitor for advice and she just says he is very intelligent and getting frustrated we have tried time outs and all the other popular methods but nothing works with him, he is too young to understand me explaining to him why he is doing wrong and yet I know that he knows he is being naughty. Another problem is he has a very high pitched scream that goes on and on whenever he doesnt get his own way or you take something off him.Our home is a fortress with locks and gates but nothing stops him and I am at the end of my tether.
HEEEELP

Answer 1

Give him a firm smack and shut him in his room with the lights off and tell him he is not coming down until he learns to behave himself. It didn't do me any harm.

Naughty step ? What a load of crap that is! lol

Answer 2

Yes, I think we've all seen supernanny and admire her way of doing discipline etc. All children are different and no two methods will work the same, for these little individuals. The only thing I can say which may help is; You have to be firm and No should mean No. There is no need to smack him, but you do have to take control. He is old enough to know the meaning of naughty and the word No. At this point he is at terrible twos and seeing how far he can push you. If he is running away from you that is dangerous. Do you have any reins for him? You can also use them as extra 'seatbelts' in the buggy, to stop him getting out.
Start today. Get on his level and firmly say no. It will take a while, but it will sink in, in the end. He will quickly learn that Mum is no pushover and its no good playing up. Nerves of steel are required here. Are you up for it? :-)

Answer 3

At 21 mos, you have to remember he's truly not TRYING to be naughty. Think of it from his point of view. There's a 'new' baby around, and he's most likely not getting the attention he craves, right? Every time he irritates you and acts out, try looking at it as if he's picking flowers for you. Instead of the scream, try to hear his plea for a cuddle or a book. I KNOW you're busy with the baby. Try a bargain: If you're quiet when I lay your brother down for a nap, we'll play a game (or read a book, or sing a silly song, or go outside and play) whatever motivates him. If he's noisy, no reward. Period. Be like the US, don't negotiate with terrorists, LOL.

Explaining what he's doing wrong need not go any further than "We don't hit people. Sit in the corner." You're the parent, own the role. If he's screaming, it works to say "your time starts when you're quiet." and stick to it. Remember a minute for each year of age, so 1.5 should do it. If he gets up, put him back in there, just like Supernanny does. Do it a hundred times if you have to. (Make sure to reiterate that the time restarts when he gets up, as well!) It only takes that one day of mommy sticking to her guns to make it work. Yes, that first day of sticking to it will feel like hell, but your child will get the point! Next time, he'll listen.

As far as fortifying your home - if he's escaping from the house when you're not looking, consider an eye/hook lock. Put it up where the 10 yr old can reach it to go outside, but not where the toddler can reach. Lock the doors that way. If he's getting into cupboards, let's face it, cupboard locks don't work - just put what he CAN play with in there. Set aside a drawer with fake food toys in the kitchen, bath toys in the bath, etc. This way, when you're in the kitchen, he's got his own drawer or cupboard! Narrate as he playes quietly, "Oh, look, Sam's making me an omlette!" "Look at that, baby, big brother's cooking stew!"

The important thing is that you love your kids and are doing your best. Sorry things are so hectic right now, but nothing lasts forever! Best of luck to you and I hope something I have suggested works for you!

Answer 4

You have to be firm and not give in No means No....He knows he should not be doing this type of behaviour but he probably brow beats you into submission........What do you mean he is violent to everybody.....do you mean hitting and punching. Sorry I would not put up with that if it is....he could seriously hurt the 9month old if he hit him or with something.....The health visitor sounds an idiot if he is that intelligent then he knows what he is doing.......The only issue is you say they have been all brought up with the same rules but to have got this out of control this has been going on for some time....I think he is a very intelligent little boy and realises that mummy is tired from the new baby and is taking advantage.......You could always try throwing yourself on the floor screaming like the woman in the advert.....Id love to see his face lol ....no seriously you must stick to your guns otherwise is the new baby going to follow suit.....they call it learned behaviour....

Answer 5

I go through the same thing with my daughter who is the oldest at the age of 2 yrs 8 months. She has been going through this for awhile, I have also tried all popular methods, but then I noticed, she was good until she got introuble..... she would be okay but as soon as I said no or she was punished she would loose it and it was over for the rest of the day. I use caveman talk.......... and reverse it. basically like this

she pulls at the door and its 6 am
before I would have said no not until later

now I say yes we can go outside but lets get dressed and eat

I put things into words she know like steps that means time out.

I say yes later
or yes wait

she kinwos she likes the word yes but she also knows the meaning of wait or later.

he is the middle child and probably is jelous of the time the others get its normal, he gets attention when he is bad so do yourself a favor and keep a smile on your face and go about your buissness unless its life threatening, if hes throwning a fit on the stairs and hes on the third step, let him fall if hes at the top obviously dont. its just the age gap between the youngest and him, my kids are also the same age apart. she does the same thing your not alone!!!

Answer 6

Firstly, I'm not an expert, but it seems to me that it is a cry for attention coming from the 21 month old. Up until recently his was a balanced world with only the much older brother and him competing for attention. Now there is the youngest around and it's fair to say that the middle one feels usurped. The father needs to play a more active role by taking the two elder boys to the park to kick a ball around, let off steam, swings and roundabouts etc, leaving you for a couple of hours rest with the youngest. In time this will all blow over.

Answer 7

My son was like that and we actually registered on a parent and child course. I realised that my son was misbehaving to get attention because after the birth of his baby sister he had less of my time devoted to him. He was getting attention the only way he KNEW he would get some, even if it was negative attention.

We corrected the situation by a number of steps. The first was to give him 10 minutes of my individed attention doing an activity of his choice every day. The second was to praise the good behaviour, ensuring to give more positive attention when he was being good and give less attention when he was bad. This was really hard to do as your instinct as a mother is to chastize when a child is naughty.

What I realised is that I was too focussed on the bad stuff and not focussed enough on the good behaviour. For example, my son would sit nicely playing and I would get on with my housework. This was not helping. This was the time that I had to praise him, tell him how good he was, how clever he is etc etc. Try really hard to ignore the bad behaviour and praise him when he is good (even if good is sat doing nothing), your son will soon learn that the best way to get attention is by behaving and being nice.

Answer 8

He is asserting his independence and you are doing fine, just keep being calm but firm, and explaining why his behaviour is unacceptable.
Just make sure you pay them all equal amounts of attention. It's a good idea to exclude him from the fun if he plays up at home. Just say no and put him on the sofa or somewhere safe and only let him join in the fun again when he has calmed down and then try not to mention the bad behaviour. If he sees that his bad behaviour is not getting lots of attention he should calm down. It won't happen overnight though.

Answer 9

even at 21 months he is old enough to know that by acting this way, he is getting exactly what he wants from you. He is getting attention and by the sound of it anything he asks for. At home you need to shut him in a room when he kicks off (make sure it is safe and he can't hurt himself,) tell hem he can come out when he stops being naughty) ignore the screams, i know it is hard, but it will get worse if you don't stop it now. As soon as he behaves let him out and explain (yes he will understand), he will understand eventually that it doesn't work to kick off, but he gets praised when he is good (make sure you praise him telling him how good he is). When you are out, completely ignore him when he is screaming and don't give into what he is screaming for, but the minute he is good, treat im and tell him that is for being a good boy. Eventually it will work.
if you don't persevere, then he will get much harder to handle as he grows up and will control you as he is doing now.
In the buggy, buy a set of reigns from a babhy shop, and clip him into the buggy using the D rings, he won't be able to get out then. Let him know only good behaviour gets him what he wants.

Answer 10

my son is 19 months old, and he is very similar, he isnt really violent but is very hyper and loves to be naughty. hes not the one to sit down for long and loves to run round carrying his toys rather than playing with them. our house is like a fortress as well all on the drawers and cupboards, i have been worried about adhd etc but everyone says hes just a typical boy who has lots of energy, he is going through a biting (once or twice) and a smacking stage but i think thats with him not been around kids 24/7 he doesnt know how to share. i think you should carry on as you are and be persistant i am sure it will all stop all of a sudden, well i am hoping it will for me. good luck

Answer 11

It's called being Strong Willed. My son is the same way and I was just as frustrated and fed up as you are. I took him to the dr. one day and told him I couldn't handle his loud outburts, hitting, screaming, etc. and he suggested I buy Dr. james Dobson'd book "The Strong Willed Child" I was skeptical at first but found it on Amazon for next to nothing so I tried it, used the techniques listed,and best of all IT WORKED!!
My son may not be the best mannered child but he is certainly a lot better than before.
I highly suggest reading this book. Dr. Dobson explains how toddlers test parental limits and what to do to stop it, as well as very good discipline techniques.

Hope this helps. I know It's frustrating. I have 2 boys myself, and sometimes It's hard, but stay strong, DON'T give in, and keep doing what your doing.


EDIT:
I don't know why everyone keeps insisting that you have your child checked for ADHD!!! he is a child, and a doctor won't even consider doing a check for that until they are school age AT LEAST. I have 3 ADHD brothers, and let me tell you their behavior was alot worse than what you have described!!
Don't listen to those peope who tell you to get them checked for these insane diseases. That's what's wrong with america today, everyone wants to give their kids a "happy pill" to get them to behave instead of an old fashioned sitting downs and TALKING to them, or teaching them to do right.
I think what your doing is perfect, but PLEASE be careful about putting your child on medication to get them to listen!!