Who should walk me down the aisle? Serious answers only!!!?

Question

My parents divorced when I was three and my mom remarried when I was 7. My real dad has been in and out of my life, as well as prison for the past 24 years. My stepdad raised my sister and I and always provided for us and gave us the best. He's been a dad to me more than my biological father has that's for sure. 6 years ago my real dad went back to prison and I have only visited 3 or 4 times. It's hard because we have a strained relationship even though we love each other very much. I am getting married 11/08/08 and my dad is getting released in May of 08' which means he will be free to come to my wedding. The problem is that I don't want to hurt anybody because of the walk down the aisle issue. My stepdad has always been there and it's his privledge and right. But I can't bear to see my real dad sitting there in the pew with hurt in his eyes because it would ruin my day. Do I have both walk me? Will my stepdad feel slighted because my real dad never supported me? Who has the right?

Answer 1

Ask them both, if that can't be done, your stepdad, he was always there for you.

Answer 2

I would have my step-dad do the honor. Any idiot can make a baby but it takes courage, strength, and true love to actually be a FATHER and that's exactly what your step-father has been to you. It is not slighting your biological father in any way by not giving his this duty. Afterall, did he once think of YOU when he was committing crimes and messing up his life? The LEAST he can do is actually be unselfish on this day and be a gentleman about it. I would go visit him in prison and explain to him as lovingly as possible that you've struggled w/ the choice but that, in the end, you feel that your step-father should be the one to walk you down the aisle and that you hope he can understand. He will probably be ALOT more understanding than you think and it will make you feel better giving him the heads up instead of him finding out from someone else.

Answer 3

I would say have the man who raised you and was your father figure walk you down.

Your 'real' dad may have created you but it takes alot more to be a father and he doesnt seem like he was. Have a talk to your stepdad and see how he feels about both of them walking you down. If he feels disrespected I would tell biological dad to take a hike after all your stepdad is the one who has been there for you

Answer 4

Well, I understand your plight. Although your stepdad has really been your "dad", I understand you not wanting to see your biological father hurt.
I have had 2 friends in my life who had very similar situations and one did have them both walk her down the aisle. The two men historically did not get along, but they loved her enough to put it aside for her wedding day and it went just fine. The other friend of mine ended up having her brother walk her down the aisle to avoid any hurt feelings by choosing one "dad" or another.
Congrats on the wedding and good luck with your planning!

Answer 5

Geez baby this is a very tough one. My heart says this: A father is not a father by biology alone. Your step-dad deserves to walk you down the aisle as the father who raised you, fed you and kept a roof over you head and was there for you most of your life. For him not to walk you down the aisle would be a terrible hurt. However, even though your biological dad was not there for you whilst you grew up, of course you feel love for him and you are now in the terrible position of being stuck in the middle. Get some input from your mom at how best to approach your step-dad and get his take on maybe letting him walk you down the aisle and then biological dad having the first dance maybe? Having them both walk you down the aisle is also a good idea, but discuss it with mom first and see what she thinks. In the end though it is your special day...go with your heart. Maybe having someone's feelings hurt is unavoidable in this situation, but it shouldnt be your step-dad who gets hurt. Good luck.

Answer 6

"My stepdad has always been there and it's his privledge and right. But I can't bear to see my real dad sitting there in the pew with hurt in his eyes because it would ruin my day."

Your stepdad deserves this honor solely. He is the true Dad.
As for your biological father"Dad" he is lucky to be a part of your life at all now. I am sure you had quite a lot of hurt in your eyes over they years of him yo-yo-ing in & out of your life for prison and whatever reasons prevented him from being your Dad.

Sorry to say. It starts now. You didn't know that did you?

Don't be surprised when your child thinks stepdad is Grandpa-that will happen too. That is his sole right too on the maternal side.
I suggest biological dad can have another name PaPa,Pop, or GrandDad whatever
But Step Dad gets 1st dibs on whatever name he would like to be called 1st and the privilage to walk his beautiful bride daughter down the aisle.

It is my opinion but a strong one-That is a man to call Dad & all its rights and privilages
Best wishes & congrats

Answer 7

Stop stressing about it. Your biological dad and your stepdad will both accept and respect your choice because they are there to support and love you on your day.

If it was me, I would have one walk me down the aisle and have my father/daughter dance with the other. That way they both get to share a special moment with you.

Answer 8

Remember it's YOUR day. YOUR day. Don't worry about what EVERYONE ELSE is feeling because it will drive you crazy! People get insulted at weddings sometimes, if it's not your Dad or Stepdad, it'll be one of your girlfriends because she wasn't a bridesmaid or something. It happens.

Why should you feel guilty about your Dad's feelings? You said it yourself, HE IS THE ONE who was barely a father to you. HE IS THE ONE who should feel guilty.

This is your day. If you want your Stepdad to walk you down the aisle, go for it.

Answer 9

Ok, first of it's YOUR wedding. Not either one of your dads'. That said, you pick the one you think deserves to walk you down the aisle. People shouldn't be selfish on a day that isn't theirs. Your biological dad should understand and if he doesn't, well, that's him being selfish. I'm just saying this because my wedding day was such a strain and I barely got anything I wanted because everyone wanted things their way. So, good luck.

Answer 10

I would definately want the step dad, he has a part in making you the amazing lady that your soon to be husband fell in love with, he helped in molding your life and teaching you how to make the right decisions in life. He was there for all those hard times kids have growing up and stood my your mother to help her even though they were not his biological kids, sounds as though he was an incredible addition to your family and he has earned the respect of everyone in your home and definately sounds like an AMAZING MAN to be there for you on a day this memorable.

Answer 11

I remarried when my girls were 8 and 12 and they had their real father in and out of their lives, more out than in and they both feel that the man I married whom they call dad earned the right to walk them down the isle, I remember I asked them why and they both said that just because their real dad is alive it is their step father who has clothed fed them, gone to sports days been there for them when they have needed someone, always there to pick them up from night clubs etc he has been the real father in their lives.
But if you felt the need to have them both there ask them both , but don't hook your arm into there's maybe just have them both walk beside you. that way neither one of them would think that you are holding on tighter to one than the other.
Good luck and have a lovely wedding