me,my bestfriend and lover and her husband help?

Question

i have a bestfriend that is a female.we got together when we both decided to get divorced.her husband had got caught for dui for the third time.we hooked up everything was going great.then she decided to give her husband another chance ,so should wouldnt second guess herself on making a wrong decision.i was very hurt but we will do anything for each other.i think that im thebest thing for her i give her what ever she wants and i love her children we both r confused about everything. i want to be with her very badly.when we were together her family noticed a change in her on how happy she sounded and was.i was great to have her because of my previous relationship with my soon to be ex wife.i honestly think that she knows that i mean well and that i am good for her but she still is trying to figure out where her and her husband are headed.he is a cool guy at times but he tries to catch her in lies and hang things in the past over her head and argues with her all the time.what should i do

Answer 1

Dear confuse, analysise the situation.
The interline of what you are telling is " she is happy with her husband who otherwise catches her on her lies which results in ongoing issues and that may be because of you. Where are you fitting in this TOM & Jerry relationship. She is otherway inclined to your nature of adjusting to her whims and this she wants in her husband as added attributes. She wants to keep you in a safe closet and is pretty sure if she can't get what she wants out of her marriage then you are always there...Do you think and realize your situtaiton. The problem is with you and not with her. Because she knows what she wants and intends to workout on it. You are required to deal with your own sentiments and emotions and decide on how long you can survive on a hanging situation and a would be relation.
I am sure if you allow you wits to combine with your heart then you will get the answer.

Answer 2

if you are such a good freind, be that freind when she needs you... if you are able to put yourself in just a freind position and cut all the "i want to be with you" thoughts from your head.. some people can do this, many cant.. it is hard. Be her freind if you can and be there for her wether you are with her or not. In the end, she will be with you or you will have a wonderful relationship. I used to think my best guy friend and i would be great for each other when we first met and was kind of hurt when i came to his house and there was a girl there. But him and i did everything together and we both just kind of realized that we were better freinds and when we both realized that for ourselves and instead of wondering "what ifs" our relationship got even better and we became closer than ever. Its hard to say.. just be there for her and it will come when it is time. Let her know how you feel about her and what you want... but overall, just be there for her.. that will show your dedication

Answer 3

Yeah....back off, let her situation resolve itself. Once she decides to get divorced, then go ahead and make plans with her.

BTW, are you a man or a woman. You never stated, but I get the impression from your writing that you are a woman.

If you are a woman, than have you considered that she may be nervous about moving in with a woman, even if you have been lovers? Think about it, this would be a giant leap form being in a hetero marriage to moving in with a woman! If this is the case, then let her ease into the situation and become comfortable with it.

I might be barking up the wrong tree, but in any case leaving one person and immeidately taking up with another is still a big change.

Answer 4

As much as you want to be, you should not be in the middle of this. I would tell her that you are going to stay away while she works all this out because this is a decision concerning her marriage that has to be made completely separate from you. Then be gone and stick to it. You have no chance of building a good relationship otherwise.

Answer 5

Get out of the picture..Let her work out whatever with the husband.. You've got your own wife to deal with. Clean up your own back yard before you try cleaning up somebody elses.. After all the dust settles, and if you're both free, then is the time to get involved. Not now..

Answer 6

She's still married? Back off, Jack. That is not something you want to be caught in the middle of.

Your message is very confusing. First you mention divorce, then you talk about your soon-to-be ex and refer to her man as husband. Which is it?

Answer 7

It's her marriage, and her call. Back away and give her a chance to work this through. If you stay involved, and she divorces the guy, then she may resent you for life for being the cause of it. You don't need that baggage!

Answer 8

I think that she feels that she owes it to herself to try again. I t is very hard to end a marriage. Maybe she needs space away from you and her spouse. Until she gets that space she will feel conflicted. Due to the fact that she wants to give him another chance. It is hard to face the fact that she might want him more than you. It is possible to love more than one person. In fact it is possible to be in love with more than person. It is not possible to be married to both. It is her choice to make and you owe it to her to give her the space to do that. Happiness is what we make of it.

Answer 9

Your girl friend is torn between you and her husband and she wants to give it best try. But you sound desperate to fail their work out and are hanging to a bad situation that will affect you badly. either wait patiently or back off as soon as possible.

Answer 10

Well, of course he is trying to make sure she isn't lying and has some hang ups about the past...she cheated on him with you!
Stay away from her and let her work on her marriage like she should be.