What do I say to my father that I rarely talk to, when he's dying of cancer?

Question

I haven't lost a parent yet. Is there anything I should say to my dying father before it's too late? Have any of you lost a parent and later wished you'd said something to them?

We're not close, we maybe see each other a couple times a year to drop off birthday or christmas gifts and visit a little. I come from a broken home (he divorced and left the state when I was 7) so we haven't had much of a relationship, even after he moved back to the same state years later.

Answer 1

You just talk to him about anything. Ask how he's doing and if he needs anything. He'll say no. But what you really need to think about is when your dad dies are you going to be left with things you wished you'd of said?

It's an awkward situation, but you don't want to talk about his cancer, he doesn't want to talk about it. Laugh, cry, hug, but leave him so you have no regrets once he's gone.

xxx

Answer 2

I think if you have any unresolved issues now would be a good time to talk because it seems as though soon there will not be an opportunity. I lost my mother and we were not speaking at the time and now I will never get that time back, i will never be able to speak to her again. My grandmother died a few years ago and I ALWAYS THOUGHT BEFORE HER DEATH THERE WOULD BE MORE TIME! there wasn't. I know for me it has taught me to tell the people i care about the things i need them to know on a daily basis.None of us,cancer or not knows what tom morrow will bring. Fear always got in my way. Today I WOULD RATHER SAY HOW i feel and maybe take a chance in being shot down then to always wonder what would have happened if I had taken the risk.

Answer 3

Listen to your heart, say anything or nothing, because when the time comes it will happen naturally. There are things you can plan or think you will remember to say. Just be kind, and caring, take a photo of happier times when you were young and put it in a frame near his bed. He will understand the sentiment, a picture tells a thousand words. I love my Dad with all my heart and have been so lucky to have a wonderful relationship with him all my life, he passed away a matter of weeks ago from cancer too, and I miss him so very much. I know your situation is different but we are all human and often afraid at times like this. Remind him of one special thing he did for you, smile and thank him for it (even if it seems small). He knows he will be leaving this earth soon wish him a safe journey/passage just incase you never see him again.

Answer 4

I haven't lost my real parents, but I just lost my stepfather to cancer in August, and I was unlike you very close to him. No matter what kind of relationship you and he had you need to tell him that you love him unconditionally everyday, there isn't alot that needs to be said. Just be there. I was 4 hours away from my stepfather when he passed and only was able to speak with him breifly on the telephone hours earlier. I spent alot of time with him prior to that day, visiting regularly, calling daily just to tell him that I loved him and was pushing for him. This is all that you can do, and it will mean the world to him. If you don't do these things you will be sorry in the end. I spend many days helping my mother to take care of him and even though it meant missing work, and being away from my children and husband I knew that it was something that I had to do and I am so glad that I did. It gave me the time with him that I otherwise would not have had.

Answer 5

I don't know what you could say to your Father, but you really should say something before he dies. He is going through alot right now and he probably needs you, whether he wants to admit it or not. I lost my Mom from cancer 22 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't wish that she was here or that I could tell her that I love her very much. So, if I were you, I would at least go and see him and let him know that you love him and want to be there for him. He's not going to live forever, so go see him. It will do your Father good. Good luck!!! I will keep you and your Father in my prayers.

Answer 6

I lost my mother in Oct 2006. We were closer than you and your dad, however, she did leave me without me being able say all to her that I wanted to say, and what I think she wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong, don't lie, but I think your dad would love to hear you say that you wish you could have had more quality time with him.
I also had a brother pass away a couple of years ago. He was 54 and I am 37, we did not know eachother that well because he was off to the army before I was even born.
My advice to you, talk to him, about anything and everything. Good and bad. And most importantly, tell him you love him, even if you don't feel it.

Answer 7

I would tell him how you feel. Tell him that you dont really know what to say. If you wished that you guys had a better relationship then tell him that. Tell him everything even if he seems like a stranger even though he your father. And if you want to get to know him before he passes away then visit him and have talks with him and spend time with him. Make the best of your last time with him.

Answer 8

I was dying of cancer (but an accidental overdose of chemo saved me).

I was all alone, far away, I got lots of cards and flowers at first but then it trickled off.

What I liked most was to listen to people and have them brings photos that they could tell me about life going on. Also I liked them to have photos of me to remember me by and pass on so I would be remembered by my children.

Do yourself a favor. Be generous. Some people are very afraid of dying alone. Forget that he left you as a child. Give him the gift of your love. You are flesh of his flesh and maybe he did love you before he left.

I have been there for so many people at the end of their lives. The tears, the laughter, the frustration, the despair. My feeling is that we should honor this phase of life and celebrate it by honoring the person's life and how they live on after they are no longer there.

My father is an end stage alcoholic who is dying. The alcohol took him from us twenty years ago and this is just the final fall. I cannot see him because it isn't him and he exposes himself to my children. But I have lots of photos before he got sick and lots of stories I tell my kids.

You may find something valuable to yourself or you may answer a question you have always wanted to know. There is no wrong decision.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry about your father. Just make your peace with him. Let him know that you forgive him for leaving its ok its the past. Nobodys perfect. You turned out ok. What matter in life is now. Talk to him about your life stories. Tell him you care about him & think about him. Show Pictures, etc. your religious belief etc. Just be there for him in his last days. They really suffer and need comforting.

I lost my father recently to cancer but I wasn't close to him either my young brother was his favorite they did everything together,I'm the daughter. But still he's my father, I made my peace just talking saying things that I needed to say but maintained my calmness. Now he's gone & at peace.

Answer 10

If you love him, let him know before its too late.
I was close to my father who I lost sept.2006 to brain cancer after battling it for 2+ years. There isnt a day I dont think about him. I miss him so much.
I wish I could have gone on more walks, have more chats, get more hugs from him when he was able to. Dont let yourself regret not doing what your able to, to bring to a close this chapter of your, and his, life.
There are so many things I wish I could have done for and with my dad. Unfortunately life is way too short.
My condolences to your family.