should I ask for a divorce?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 5 yrs. we have no kids. we have been having communication issues for about 1 1/2 yrs. she told me that if she had known how this relationship would turn out she wouldn't have married me in the first place. ouch. we don't hate each other but we don't have a close bond either. we can't seem to be supportive of each other and our differences are always a topic of arguments. we have both expressed our unhappines with our marriage and have seen a counselor for a few months. sometimes she says she is unhappy and dissatified with our marriage but other times she says she is fine with it and if I feel like there is a problem then its probably a problem with myself. I'm afraid of going through a divorce but I'm also afraid of continueing a marriage like this. what should I do?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Maybe you need to go back to the marriage counselor. It's possible that you just weren't there long enough to mend the relationship. ( Been to marital therapy..it takes awhile)

I think that the comments about she would have never married you had she known the relationship would turn out this way, are very inconsiderate, and she needs to watch that because that is really not a good choice of words for someone who is trying to make things work.

I wonder how come you are both having trouble embracing each others differences? I don't mean to pretend that my husand and I haven't had the same issues...maybe you can learn from what we have found out. We have been married for 16 yrs now and we "finally" learned that many times when we argued, we were doing more than just trying to get our point across...but we expected the other one to agree too. It's almost like we took it personally if the other one didn't agree with what we were saying. My best advice to both of you would be to stop doing that. When you first got married, I bet you knew there were differences....when did you "both" decide that those differences were wrong? The best marriages are the ones in which both partners feel like they can disagree without the other person taking it personally. That's really hard to do...believe me, I know.

So, even if you have a partner who may still choose to criticize you based on your opinions, you can still change how "you" react, and by doing that, it might change how "she" reacts. Things are so much better between my husband and I since we both have started realizing that if the other one disagrees there is "nothing" we can say or do to make the other one cave and say..."Oh, you are right". My motto...accept it and embrace it if you can...if not, simply respect it.

Don't be quick to assume the problem is only with you. I am sure there are things that you feel you are missing in this relationship...things she could improve.

And no, I don't think you should end this yet. I say, give it your all and don't give up until you know for sure you have done everything you can to make this relationship the best it can be. Hopefully, she will do the same. Good luck to you and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Keep going to counseling. Together and/or separately.
Give the counseling a good year. If no improvement, get the divorce. Use birth control, because once you have kids, it's harder to leave, and the problems will still be there. We've
been married 30 years, and each of us has wanted out at times. It's been an amazing ride, 3 kids, and I'm glad I didn't quit too soon. In our case, it was worth the effort to hang on.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, I can't believe anybody would want to live like you and your wife are. If seeing a counselor about yalls problems didn't help, then why should either of you live like that anymore? When you marry someone, your supposed to be totally in love with one another. Sure everyone has their problems, but they work them out and still love each other the same. Talk to your wife and the both of you make a decision about the future. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I would just ask yourself; from the day you made the decision to spend the rest of your life with this woman until the day you found yourself questioning your marriage, what part of your relationship changed? Until you understand what happened, you won't be able to fix it. A divorce sounds like the easy way to drop your problems, but think back to that day you proposed to her and think about what else you would be losing. Just remember, the grass is always greener on the other side and as someone once said, " You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. " Good luck.

Answer 5

If you were truly in love when you got married, I suggest a book called Divorce Busters. I have seen 2 types of counselors - the ones who want to see you for months and months, and the ones who go right into solutions. Stop wasting time on the 'why's' and go right into the solutions. This book jumps right in.

Also, another good book is The Five Love Languages. Each of us responds to different ways to show love. Whether it be physical affection, gifts, words of approval, actions of gratitude, etc. Learn your mates (and hopefully she will learn yours).

Think back to why you chose each other and decide if it's still worth it.

Getting a divorce is a terrible situation to go through, but not wrong. But I can't decide that for you.

Answer 6

This will happen in marriage... it does all the time. You have to learn to start from the beginning. Start dating again. Start going out and go to events where it is less likely for you to argue. If you didn't question your marriage at points in time, then I would say something is wrong with you. Sometimes as wifes we may something that we think will hurt our husband the way they have hurt us... "I wish I never got married" (trust me I've said it several times). But it wasn't until my husband and I started actually dating and going on walks and doing different things that we were able to solve out communication issues. Sometimes marriage counseling works. Sometimes what works better is reflecting on yourself and bettering yourself and in turn the marriage will get better.

Answer 7

if nothing is changing in you're marriage even after counseling there is problems and obviously they cannot be worked out. but when people have said some hurtful things at time it is out of anger, you need to ask her how she really feels at a time when you guys are not angered are in a mound of emotions. Sometimes staying together is more horrible than getting a divorce. but at the rate you guy's sound like you are going, you guy's are gonna tear each other down till oth of your self esteem's are very low. You need to be totally honest about the path you guys are really going down. not yes one minute and no the next, it should be the same answer all the time.

Answer 8

Do it. Go talk to a divorce lawyer and find out your rights in your state. Life is too short to spend it with a person that doesn't know if they want to be married to you. You deserve better. Get a divorce before she gets pregnant and then you will always feel you have to stay. Life is short. Enjoy yourself a little. You shouldn't be nearly as afraid of continuing the marriage than you should be of her getting pregnant.

Answer 9

Why did you marry her to start with? Weigh out the good and the bad. You must learn to be friends then the love will start to grow again. Just don't get children involved until you are sure of your relationship. Plan a romantic weekend and surprise her. A single yellow rose means eternal love. Remember the vows you recited. There must have been something that the two of you saw in one another.

Answer 10

First of all don't give up on your marriage. Second of all do something special with her like maybe a candle light dinner or even a bubble bath together .Before you come home from work ,stop by a flower shop and get her a bouquet of roses.Just hang in there it will work out if you want it to and also always put god first in your marriage and anything you do and he will help you out to.